


Numb

by perdregast



Series: Numb [1]
Category: Life Is Strange (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Humor, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Shenanigans, Drunkenness, F/F, Father-Daughter Relationship, Friendship/Love, Happy Ending, Loneliness, Marriage Proposal, Mother-Daughter Relationship, Regret, Slice of Life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-20
Updated: 2018-01-11
Packaged: 2018-12-04 18:28:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 60,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11560887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perdregast/pseuds/perdregast
Summary: Pricefield.This is the story of why Max didn't contact Chloe during her time in Seattle and how she evolves to the character we get to know in LIS. It also explores their later life after the events in the game.The Seattle story is fully consistent with the game.Please read the second part that works as an epilogue if you liked this one. It is really a critical part of this story.





	1. A farewell and a half

**Author's Note:**

> This story is about the question why?  
> Why would Max ignore her friend for so long and how that reconciles with a Max that would do literally anything to keep Chloe safe.  
> Gives more background to the events is the game from the Max point of view and explores their relationship some years later.  
> I must advise you: English is my third language, expect some weird sentence constructions. I tried to explore Max´s motivations in full deep and make the story as interesting as I could, even if my language is not that flourished.  
> I hope you like it.  
> Any comments you want to drop would be fully appreciated.

**September 2, 2013. Early in the morning**

The leaves of the trees that lined the road still showed a cheerful green, in a couple of months they would evolve to a mixture of brown, red and orange, giving a more soothing vibe to the environment.

The previous week, the Caulfields decided that Ryan would be driving Max to Arcadia Bay while Vanessa stayed home. Ryan was particularly happy with that decision. So was her daughter, granted that both of them had different reasons for that.

The car trip from Seattle to Arcadia Bay took roughly 6 hours including mandatory stops to snap some pictures, most of them consisting in selfies with different backgrounds. Ryan Caulfield couldn't help but thinking what little difference could make any spot from another if the subject of the pictures was always Max. The big man wasn't that arty himself. Ryan being a big fan of Stephen King asked Max to take I5-S instead of the more scenic US 101-S that ran along the coast, the only reason being that there was a town called Castle Rock on the interstate. Max agreed and did not missed the chance to wonder where her nerdyness came from, said wonder was formulated out in loud voice and therefore earned her a double dose of the famous bad jokes of her father for a few miles.

Except for this little incident most of the route consisted of light talk between the two travelers. Father and daughter had a meaningful conversation years ago and both knew almost everything was already said between them.

Since they took the detour to the E OR-6 the conversation decayed, getting closer to Arcadia Bay made Max sink into her usual introspection. Ryan had learned to respect the ways of his daughter so he just focused on driving. By the time they arrived to Blackwell's parking lot she had been silent for over 20 minutes.

Ryan killed the engine and turned his eyes to his daughter "We are here". Max came out of her trance and delicately turned her head until she met the expectant gaze of her father "Finally".

They both knew she was not talking about the road trip.

Max busied herself unpacking while Ryan unloaded the heavy packages from the car and took them up to her room.

A blond girl with her hair tucked into a bun peered into the open door of Max's room and greeted her shyly. "hello... and welcome to Blackwell, my name is Kate. My room is almost opposite yours, it's 222. If you need anything, I can help you"

She looked up from her boxes and onto the girl, noticing the golden cross that adorned her neck "hello, I'm Max... um... sure. I just arrived, but once I'm done with the unpacking you can show me around the campus".

"I leave you to it. Come by my room when you are done, see you later" and with that she smiled and left.

_Making friends in my first day, sure it feels like a new life_ Max thought.

A little later the floor was completely covered with half open boxes and Ryan was ready to go.

"Almost 18 Max, you are not my little girl anymore" her father said with a sad smile in his face "would you walk me to the car or that would be too embarrassing?".

"I don't care about that, I'll be glad to walk you".

Caulfield one and Caulfield three walked to the car in silence. Once there, they hugged tight.

"The beginning of new adventures for you," Ryan said, his gaze fixed on his daughter.

Max smiled at her father, "that's why I'm here, no?" she said thoughtfully.

Ryan started the car ready to face the way back.

As soon as he drove out of Blackwell's parking lot the idea that had been hanging around in his head for a long time filled his thoughts. He tried to neglect it to no avail. He drove through the streets of Arcadia Bay growing more and more uneasily. Just when he was about to leave the city he decided to pull over and take out his phone. "Max, I... I need to talk to you, I'm driving back, meet me at the parking lot in 15 minutes".

"Dad, it's something wrong?".

"I just need to tell you something, probably should have told you before, anyway, I would regret not telling you now".

**Unknown date, 2.008**

Vanessa woke up very tired. She had not been able to get much sleep that night and she knew what laid ahead that morning was not going to brighten her mood. Her husband was by her side, she had heard him revolve in his sleep all night and imagined he didn't get much rest either.

"You're up, Ryan?".

"Yes, barely" he replied with obvious anguish in his voice.

"We can't hold over any more, we have been delaying more than we should because of what happened to William. Right now we have no choice".

"I know. Let me do the talking, at least the first words. I've always had a little more complicity with her and this is going to be harsh".

"As a mother it kind of hurts me, but it's true.. fair enough, you'll take the lead".

Vanessa Caulfield leaned her head on her husband's shoulder and sobbed. "I hope we are doing the right thing".

Max got up a little later. Every Saturday she joined her parents for a big fat breakfast before going to spend the weekend at Chloe's house. When she came downstairs her parents were both clutching their coffee mugs in silence, a full plate of untouched pancakes laid in front of them.

"Good morning everyone," She said cheerfully, sitting down in her chair.

Ryan cleared his throat "Um... Max... we have to talk about something... there is really no easy way around it".

Max looked at her parents. Their concerned face did nothing to ease her.

"What is it?".

Vanessa took her husband's hand and gave him a look of assent trying to infuse the courage.

"Max, the economy at Arcadia Bay is getting worse day by day, your mother has been unemployed for some time and my job it's not that good. We have been financially surviving for a while and that is not the kind of life we want for the three of us. A few weeks ago your mother applied for a job in Seattle and they hired her, the salary is high enough to support us three and I can easily find a job in a bigger city...listen, I know it's hard and you don't want to go, but we have to think about the future of the whole family. Staying in Arcadia Bay is not a suitable situation for us right now... Max, your mother and I, we know the timing is really bad, but we have no choice".

She took a moment to process her father's words "Dad, Mom, please don't".

Vanessa decided that Ryan had already been burdened enough. "Honey, we're very sorry. Your father and I had given it a lot of thought, we have no other choice".

Max got up and hugged her mother gesturing for her father to join before she began to cry disconsolately in her parents arms. "No please, I don't want you to go, Seattle is so far away. I love you very much and I'm going to miss you both".

Both parents broke away from Max and looked at each other, their eyes open in pure astonishment. Ryan could not help but curse in a very low voice "what the fuuuuck?" That would be the only time in his whole life that he would said such a word in front of her daughter. And if only one token could attest to the paramount difficulty of the moment, so it be that after such transgression Vanessa didn't even care to admonish her husband.

The great man Ryan Caulfield stuttered as he addressed his thirteen-year-old daughter.

"Mmmmax, you have not understood us, the whole family is moving to Seattle, you come with us".

Max stared at her father as if he were a complete stranger. "Dad, I can't go, Chloe needs me. I don't want you to go but I'm staying with her".

Vanessa interjected "No, we're all moving, you come with us. You can see Chloe on school breaks, you can come here or we can arrange for her to come to Seattle".

"NO!, I just can't leave her, not now" Max looked at her mother finding nothing but sorrow in her eyes. She turn to her father searching for a way out "no, please Dad, no no, no, no, I am not leaving Chloe".

"We are moving next week, we can't delay it anymore. You have a few more days to be with Chloe and say your goodbyes... we are very sorry about it".

Max turned from her parents. The idea of breaking away from Chloe was beginning to take hold of her, tears started falling down her eyes, nobody to see them.

Science says that every brain works differently.

The brain of a certain Maxine Caulfield, born September 21, 1995 in Arcadia Bay OR, had an habit of translating thoughts into images, hence her natural inclination towards photography. At that precise moment, a random Saturday morning of a random month, of the absolutely not random year of 2.008, her brain was projecting images of herself choking. Max let the images project to the rhythm that her own brain marked, becoming fully aware of what they meant.

That took just a brief lapse of time but seemed years to both Ryan and Vanessa Caulfield.

When she turned again to meet her parents gaze, she no longer cried. There was no grief, no despair, just emptiness.

Just like that.

Numb.

**Unknown date, 2.008**

"Wait for me in the car please. I won't take long".

"This is seriously wrong, you can't do this, not this way." Ryan's voice was filled with concern.

Max got out of the car without paying attention to her father words. She went up the steps that led to the garden and paused for a moment to regard the house that meant so much to her. Not really just a house, it was Chloe's house, another home for her. The half-finished painting, interrupted by the death of William Price as a metaphor for her own life. That was an image that her brain stored in the deepest files probably to be projected in an infinite loop sometime soon.

She rang the bell hoping nobody would answer, but that was a vain hope. Chloe Elizabeth Price had stubbornly refused to leave the house for a week, waiting for her best friend to come and say good bye.

A trembling hand opened the door. That hand belonged to a 14-year-old girl whose look could be described as it follows: Unkempt hair, red teary eyes surrounded by dark circles, she wore pajamas that clearly needed a wash. The pure image of despair.

"I thought you were not even going to stop by before leaving".

"I don't have much time Chloe. I have to finish packing things..you..you'll be good, ok?".

Chloe stared at her friend. "I can't believe it, that's it? Is this all I'm gonna get from you?". Despite everything she felt, mostly pain and anger, Chloe couldn't resist and hugged her friend desperately pressing as tightly as she could. "Don't go please, don't leave me. I forgive you for not calling me, for ignoring me all week but please don't leave me alone...not now...not ever".

Max remained still not returning Chloe's embrace, her arms hanging loose at her sides. She pulled away from Max and wiped her eyes with the sleeve of her pajamas. She couldn't help but notice how worn out her friend's sleeve already was.

Chloe begged "Please answer me, even if it's the last thing you do for me... what am I for you?".

Max's brain, which had lately become a different functional unit from Max herself, registered the question and immediately provided the only answer it could honestly offer.

_You are everything to me._

Infinite alternate universes were born and ceased to exist during the short time that passed as the question waited for its answer. This limited fanfic is not the place to analyze the many different paths our story would have undergo if Max had been honest with herself at that precise time and place.

All the love and hate and every other feeling in between that could have been. was forever lost because our Max Caulfield, fond of photography, deeply in love with her best friend and heartbroken beyond words, could only manage to look at the floor and stammer "I have to go now... you take care of yourself please".

Max's tricky brain for once played in her favor by not registering Chloe's last words to her, those words full of pain being "I hate you Max Caulfield" and "I don't want to see you ever again".

Or maybe it did.


	2. A lonely red dot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max first day in her new school plus a memory from a better past.

**Unknown date 2008. First day in new school**.

Twenty minutes.

That was the time Max had been facing her new school without daring to enter. The bell had ringed a long time ago and Max's umbrella was a lonely red dot in front of the huge brick building.

The principal rushed out. "Max, why didn't you come in? You're going to soak and catch a cold. Not the best way to start in your new school".

Max didn't seem to notice that she was talking to her. The principal grabbed her wrist and gently pulled her into the building. "Come on, do not be afraid".

She resisted the pulling.

"I'm by myself" she muttered, her gaze lost.

**Unknown date 2005.**

The bully pushed Max.

He had been bothering her for quite some time. Maybe it was because she was petite and shy maybe there was no reason at all. Some people need no reason to be mean. This time he went too far and Max fell to the ground scratching her knees and palms badly.

Bully's first mistake was to laugh at Max when she started to cry.

The second, and more serious, was not realizing that the school was a single storey structure built around the yard, so all classes had windows to it.

Chloe attended the same school but being a year senior they didn't share any periods. The older girl used to sit by the window, she liked the natural light but mostly she liked to look at Max when she was out in the yard.

That day she was checking on her best friend when the bully attacked her. The moment Max fell to the floor Chloe rose from her chair and jumped out of the window ignoring everything else.

Max was on her knees crying. She didn't see her friend running desperately to her and only realized what was happening when she heard Chloe yell at the bully.

"Look at me".

The bully turned and looked at the older girl defiantly. He had a thick frame, still Chloe being a year older towered above him.

The bully grinned.

Chloe did not. Instead she jabbed him to the floor breaking his lip, once she had the bully down she kicked him until Max implored her to stop. The bully was curled up in utter defeat, his lip bleeding profusely.

She kneeled by Max´s side and lifted her up, carrying her in her arms towards the school nursing. Chloe kissed her friend's forehead whispering comforting words "it's ok... I'm here... I´ll take care of you... I always will...".

The rest of the kids had gathered in a circle around the two girls, Chloe looked up and realized that everyone was watching them. "Nobody hurts Max" she said in a menacing tone.

Chloe was suspended for a week.

Max was never bullied again while in Arcadia Bay.

There are two kinds of promises you can make to yourself.

The kind that you know you will not be able to fully attain immediately and whose only purpose is to infatuate your willpower: _I'll eat healthier, I'll have more patience, I'll quit smoking..._

And the ones that are so important to you that you crave for the time to fulfill them finally comes.

That night before going to sleep, Max made herself a promise of the second kind. If Chloe ever needed Max to protect her, she would do it no matter the cost.

Max took eight years to fulfill her promise... but she did it with a bang.

**Unknown date 2008. First day in new school.**

Max entered her new school dragged by the principal and together they went to her office. She offered her a towel before instructing her to take a seat. "Dry yourself. I'm Mrs. Schnell your new principal".

Max mumbled an absent minded _thank you_ and proceeded to do as indicated.

"So, Maxine Caulfield, recently moved from Arcadia Bay. Your parents told me that you were not adapting very well to the change of residence... let's see... there is something you want to tell me before I introduce you to your new class".

"No, not really, thank you".

"We have this thing about you not coming into the school premises after the bell rang. I called your mother, she informed me she dropped you on time. you need to understand we were worried about you. Maybe we need to discuss that beforehand".

"Sorry about that... I was just ... thinking, nothing else. I didn't realize I was there for so long, kind of got lost on my own thoughts".

"Maxine, you must trust me, I'm here to help you and I want an easy adaptation for you. My door is always open and we have people for counseling just in case you think you need it".

"Thanks, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine".

Mrs. Schnell narrowed her eyes at Max, clearly she wasn't buying any of her excuses. "Okay, I see... Anyway, we have to talk about what extracurricular activities you might be interested. Your parents and I believe that it's important that you take some extra assignments, look for things that interest you, meet people, maybe ... make new friends, this kind of things".

The young girl reacted to those last words and for the first time she seemed to acknowledge the principal "It's Max, please."

"Excuse me?".

"With all due respect. It's Max, never Maxine, please. I prefer to be called Max".

Mrs Schnell hesitated just for a fraction of a second. Making good use of her years of experience dealing with troubled youngsters she decided for different approach "I will address you as Max then, but let's not stray from the point, is there an activity you are especially interested in?".

"Photography" answered back Max immediately.

Mrs. Schnell looked surprised at the sudden answer. "Well well... I think we are finally reaching a point of mutual interest. Would you care to elaborate, why photography?".

She took her time to elaborate, choosing her words with care. When she spoke it seemed that she was talking more to herself than to the principal. "I always liked photography. When I see a picture made by somebody else I can tell if I like it or not. The style, the light, the composition. I'm not a good photographer myself but somebody taught me about these things and I got into it... when I'm the one taking the picture it's a whole different story. I can look at it at any time and remember the moment I shot it... I can be transported to that instant and it's like I'm there again, I relive what I felt, why I choose to shoot that picture... I see my pictures as mementos of my life, and those memories... nobody can take that away from me".

The principal blinked in surprise "well, that was, deep, and unexpected".

Max was holding tightly her bag. Unknown to anybody but herself, in a hidden pocket inside that bag there was a hard cardboard envelope custom made by herself. Inside that envelope only a single picture meticulously wrapped in protective film. That picture could be appointed as one of Max's most treasured possessions, if not the most. In it, two young girls disguised as pirates smiled at the camera.

Mrs. Schnell raised from her chair and gestured for her to follow. "I'll talk to the professor in charge of the photography program. I'm sure he will find very interesting your approach. Anyway, it's time to introduce you to your new classmates, let's go".

Max followed Ms. Schnell trough the hall, her gaze fixed on the floor. Before entering the class, Mrs. Schnell stopped and laid her hand on the young girl's shoulder, a comforting gesture trying to cheer her up for the last time. "Changes are always difficult, but in a very short time you will meet new people and you will feel good again".

Max didn't find the necessary strength in herself to answer, nor did it matter much. Meeting new people, making new friends, moving on... all of it didn't make any sense to her. Her world stopped when her parents announced that they had to move, nobody seemed to realize about the depth of her pain.

Of course no one knew what Chloe really meant to her.

Opening the door of the class Max could feel all the eyes of her classmates on her. In an earlier moment of her life that would have made her uncomfortable, at that point she simply didn't care. She listened to the welcome address of her teacher and introduced herself without being aware of it. The teacher indicated Max to sit on the only desk that was unoccupied and instructed the two students who were closer to her to help her catch up with classes and homework.

Max did as asked and forced herself to smile at the two other kids.

"Hi, I'm Kristen, and he's Fernando, we'll help you".

That proved to be true in more than one sense.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was supposed to be longer but August came and I have even less free time, besides I invested some time in improving my other fic that you can check updates and in case you are interested.  
> I decided to shorten this chapter as to get a more fluent pace to the updates, I eliminated chapter count as I am not sure if I´ll shorten other chapters also.  
> A few prompts: Lonely red dot comes (quite obviously) from a pale blue dot, both the picture and the book.  
> Max waiting in front of the building is from Totoro, the scene in the bus stop waiting for the catbus. Funny enough I was sure the umbrella was yellow and guess what... I was wrong, the umbrella is actually red. So this chapter was called a lonely yellow dot in a previous version
> 
> About the fighting scene: We know Chloe gets in many fights, but always after Max leaves. We also know Chloe is bigger than Max and a year older, so it´s quite logical that Chloe bodyguarded the smaller girl.  
> I haven´t found many stories about that in other fics.  
> I also wanted to give the girls a more solid background to their actions in the game. There is a lot of them playing pirates and doing mischievous stuff, but every kid gets in fights, on free will or forced, and the dynamic between the two girls indicates that Chloe would be the one taking care of that.  
> Chloe starts being violent out of pain (in this case seeing Max being hurt) and that tells a lot about her future behaviour.  
> I don´t want to imply that what Max goes through the game comes from a promise, just that besides what they feel for each other, there is a lot more between them that just playing pirates and having fun.  
> In fact I think it goes totally the other way, they feel like that about each other because there is so much more between them that just two friends having good times. They took care of each other since pretty much always.  
> And that´s what I try to picture with the fighting scene.


	3. Adventures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max is bunkered at home, and her parents are worried about her. Ryan takes her out.  
> Max gets her Polaroid... and something else.

**2008, two months after moving to Seattle**

**Fernando: 10.16 AM**

Hey Max, awake?

**Max: 10.20 AM**

Barely, not the best at waking up.

**Fernando: 10.20 AM**

Kristen is coming to mine this afternoon. Movies, junk food and videogames, got hold of my brother's GTA IV. Join us?

**Max: 10.25 AM**

No thanks, I'm still behind at class. Need to catch up.

**Fernando 10:25 AM**

It's S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y u´re not supposed to do homework on Saturdays, nobody does.

**Max: 10.32 AM**

Next time, promise. Gotta do stuff today. Have fun, say hello to Kristen.

**Fernando 10:32 AM**

See u on Monday.

\- ... -

**Fernando: 10.33 AM**

Max won´t come. Not a surprise.

**Kristen: 10.33 AM**

Do u think she doesn't like us?

**Fernando: 10.33 AM**

Nope. She's nice to us. Not trying to make different friends. Think she's just shy or something.

**Kristen: 10.33 AM**

Mrs Schell told us she is not doing well with the moving and asked us to help her and be patient.

**Kristen: 10.33 Am**

There's this thing whenever we ask her for her life and friends in Oregon, she gets all weird and changes the subject right away.

**Fernando: 09.34 AM**

Said she was not good at making friends, only one friend back there, never talks about her.

**Kristen: 09.34 AM**

We'll see how she does. Kind of like her. Feel sorry for her also.

**Kristen: 09.34 AM**

I'll be at yours at 3.00 ish. U sure ur brother won't be?

**Fernando: 09.34 AM**

Promise.

**Kristen: 09.34 AM**

Cool, he is soooo creepy.

-…-

Vanessa Caulfield frowned while sipping her coffee "I'm worried, it's been a couple of months and Max is not improving. As far as I can tell, she is getting worse. It's like she doesn't care about anybody or anything".

Her husband shook his head "she wouldn't contact Chloe, she barely talks to us... Not looking good, not at all"

"It's our fault Ryan, we've caused this".

He embraced his dejected wife who was on the verge of weeping "We ran out of options in Arcadia Bay, you had to take the job. Don't blame yourself, all we can do is try to help Max" he said trying to soothe her pain.

"We both know moving was the only choice we had, but that won't make Max feel any better. She's just 13, her world doesn't revolve around unpaid bills and mortgages".

Vanessa released herself from her husband´s embrace and walked towards the kitchen window still with her coffee between her hands. She looked out thoughtfully before she spoke to him again "I still can't get my head around the whole Chloe thing, she barely said goodbye to her... It's a nightmare, it breaks my heart to see her like this, no mother should let her child suffer that much".

Vanessa looked away from the window "Ryan, it's Saturday and surprisingly it's not raining, Max is awake, I've heard that horrible sound of her cell phone. She must be texting her classmates. Why don't you two spend the day out together?. You can go downtown to this shop we talked about, try and take the chance to talk to her".

"Don't you think she might have made plans with her classmates?".

The Caulfields looked at each other and like other couples that had been through the lowest together and had remained strong, words were unnecessary.

Ryan sighed "I'm going upstairs".

He climbed the stairs heavily, feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. Once in front of his daughter's room he paused a moment to calm down, trying not to add more drama to the situation. He knocked at the door.

"Hey Pumpkin, are you dressed, may I come in?".

Max got up from the bed and opened the door herself "Come in Dad".

Ryan acknowledged the lack of protest from his daughter. She hated to be called pumpkin claiming she wasn't a child anymore. He stood in the middle of the room while Max returned to her bed.

"We've got a sunny day, with all the mess of the move and finding a job for myself we still haven't had the chance to get to know Seattle properly. I'm here to inform you that this ends today as you and I are going downtown to spend the day together. Get ready, we'll eat something there".

Max scowled before answering her father, "Dad, I really don't feel like it. I have tons of homework and I want to rest a bit, even take a nap. You better go with Mom and I'll stay home".

Ryan smiled at her daughter with the kind of sweet smile that only shows when you are in front of someone you love beyond any circumstance. For the very same reason his words were blunt. "Max, I'm not asking you if you feel like coming or not. I'm telling you" the father corrected himself "no, commanding you, to take a shower, get dressed and go downstairs to have breakfast because we're going downtown".

Ryan's smile was now crossed by sadness veins "there is no way you going to spend the weekend secluded at home like every weekend since we moved".

Max tried to interrupt her father "but I have to catch up ..."

"With the amount of time you have spent _catching up_ you should already be a couple of years ahead the rest of your classmates, You must have done more than enough homework to cover you until you graduate" He turned towards her daughter as he was leaving the room in order to reaffirm his words "you've got 20 minutes. Hurry up".

Ryan and Max took the bus, parking places were scarce and expensive in downtown so they decided against it. From the very first step out of the bus he was amazed at the size and futuristic looks. They walked side by side for over an hour. Ryan couldn't stop remarking to his daughter every single thing that caught his attention, which was practically everything since he had been born and lived all his life in a small town like Arcadia Bay and his economic situation had never allowed them to travel. Max, meanwhile, was unimpressed and replied with monosyllables to her father. It was the first time she personally saw something of this magnitude but she couldn't care less.

No human being can be described with a single word. However there are individuals to whom certain words look like they were custom made to describe them.

Max Caulfield was one of those individuals and her word was small.

A small girl with a small world. And if for some bizarre reason that I don't need to justify in this narrative some higher power would grant her a wish, her choice would be a small request.

But of course we are all complex human beings, and that small request was all that mattered to Max.

At mealtime Ryan chose a small dinner that looked cozy enough. Both Caulfields sat in a table in a corner, away from the noise of other customers. The small girl ordered a big cheeseburger and fries and her father a rip off of the original Canlis Salad which earned a slight eyebrow raising from Max. Father and daughter ate in silence broken only by few words of courtesy. Max was typically engrossed in her own thoughts but she could not help but notice how little her father was eating, she knew that meant only one thing.

The servings were gigantic. Half way through the fries and the burger she was already full, Ryan noticed his daughter had finished eating so he cleared his throat loudly.

It was time. Not for one minute Max had doubted the main reason she was there. She dropped her fork and wiped her mouth with the paper napkin, which was the clue her father was waiting for.

"Look, your mother and I are really worried about you, we need you to talk to us".

She tried to dodge the shot with her usual tactics "I am fine, don't worry, I'm just settling in, I am already feeling better." Max answered in a monotone akin to an answering machine prerecorded message. She didn't looked away from her plate during the whole interchange.

Ryan stirred in his seat, "Look at me Max," he said bluntly.

The daughter looked up in surprise at the hardness of her father's words only to met the look of a determined man.

"You don´t get to bullshit me this way Max, you don´t get to do just what you want, and for sure you don´t get to shut your parents out of your life while we are all living under the same roof".

Neither of them seemed able to speak after that, again the silence prevailed among them.

"Adventures" Ryan said after some minutes.

"Excuse me?" said a surprised Max.

"That was what I wanted to tell you about". Ryan relaxed his shoulders a little.

"When I was a child, younger than you are now, I dreamed of living great adventures. Now it might be difficult to picture me like that but I was not so different from you with your pirate dreams. All children around me were like Peter Pan, looking at adults as incomprehensible people. I promised myself I would never have a boring life, I would be an astronaut, a racing driver, a successful sportsman, every few weeks something different, always exciting. That's were we differed, you always wanted to be a pirate, I wanted to be so many different things".

Ryan paused, his eyes lightened slightly before he continued. "When you start growing up you can take many different paths, you always try to live up to your dreams but life puts you in your place. Responsibilities, bills, family etc. Still you try to live your own adventures even if they are humbler than the ones you imagined as a child. I spent many summers of my youth, just a bit older than you are now, as a volunteer guard in Kilchis Park. We didn't have a paycheck, but they provided food, lodging, and cool volunteer uniforms to spend the summer. There were usually about 20 volunteers every summer, most of whom were recurring. Those summers were great. I learned many things in Kilchis Park. About living outdoors and else...we were a bunch of teenagers without much supervision discovering life. Later on I learned to surf and made big plans about going to Hawaii and Australia but I only managed to travel as far as Short Sands, just a few miles from home. I spent a quite busy summer there. You are not old enough to tell you about that trip, suffice to say my parents forbade me to go next summer.. Those are all great memories. I had a great time in my teens and after, I did many things and I was lucky enough to meet your mother who was even more audacious than I was".

Max interrupted her father at that point, his story had caught her attention which was a major success in itself "Wait, mom was... audacious?".

Ryan looked at her daughter paternally. "Your Mom and I... we were young once, before you came to our lives. Maybe you see as just like Dad and Mom but we had our past. She might be more calmed now, but I can assure you that she was such a blast".

He took a moment before resuming, feeling discreetly relieved by his daughter's reaction. As little as that was, it was more than she had interacted with her parents in two months. "As I was telling you, we dreamed about traveling to faraway places but we couldn't afford it. Money was tight in both our houses, however, with a little imagination and a very good disposition you can have have lots of fun. We loved outdoors life so we did a lot of hiking, we also went camping with friends many times. Granted sometimes we really went with friends but others it was just Mum and me. Our friends covered us just as we covered them. In the late 80's we didn't have Internet or cell phones so it was much easier to fool our parents... Now that I am a father I think we didn't really fooled them. Most likely they did this little trick we parents learn soon enough ... pretend we don´t see".

Ryan smiled as he remembered the memory he was going to share with his daughter. "I've never told you this, but a few weeks before we got married, your mum and I decided to go on a camping trip. Of course we went with "friends", there was no way my future mother-in-law was going to let her go without several chaperons, and remember, I'm talking about weeks before our wedding, you can get a pretty accurate picture of your grandma. We were young and foolish and we were getting married soon, we felt invincible, so we raised our spirits beyond what was advisable. We decided to venture into the less visited part of the forest, our great survival adventure, Ryan and Vanessa against the wild nature... Needless to say, we got lost. After the initial euphoria, we realized the madness we had committed. We were starving, tired and had no way of communicating with our parents or anybody else. I still don't know how I managed to hunt a duck. Skinning and cleaning the duck took us almost an hour so we end up eating it half raw because we were famished. Your mother has not eaten duck since that day. Using some of the skills I had learned in Kilchis Park we managed to find a way out. My skills were not that awesome, as you can tell because we were lost in the first place, we reached civilization a day after our estimated returning date...

Police officers were already at your mother's house, a couple more hours and they would have send rescue patrols.

Your grandparents wanted to cancel the wedding, they were not going to give their daughter away to somebody who put risked her life and lied to them. My own parents intervened and after many negotiations the wedding was not canceled, but, and now comes the funniest part, your mother was grounded until she got married. I actually married a grounded woman. When I came down from the altar I stand in front of your grandma and as earnestly as I could, I told her that your mother was already a married woman so she wasn't subjected to her rules anymore and we were leaving for our honeymoon after the wedding party. We kept our destination secret until the last moment, when the reception was ending we gathered our four parents and announced we were leaving for a camping trip... to the same forest we got lost".

The big man chuckled mischievously "I will never forget the look in their faces when we told them, specially your mother's mother, I still get shivers down my spine when I remember that face. Shivers and a good laugh, that's it. We had a great time on our honeymoon, and this second time we were prepared for any contingency. No need for hunting".

Ryan's smile disappeared suddenly, he frowned struggling to find the proper way to his daughter. "I have experienced many adventures, some bigger some smaller but I have enjoyed each and everyone of them. I do have a very different life that the one I imagined when I was younger but I would dare to say that I had a great time and I wouldn't change a thing...But there is something you should know about me... Regardless of everything I've done in this life and even if I had achieved everything I dreamed of as a child... the best thing that has ever happened to me is being your father.

Each newborn is a blank sheet, all chances lie in front of him, he can be anything that he decides to be. I have held you in my arms right out of your mother's womb and I have seen you become the person you are now, and that, Max... that has been the true adventure of my life, the one I continue to enjoy every day. You have given meaning to my life in a way that you won't understand until you become a mother yourself.

But being a parent doesn't come with a handbook. There is no switch that goes on once you have a child and magically provides wisdom. You have forced me to try to be the best version of myself but the sad truth is that many times I did wrong and it was a matter of trial and error.

Max you are the best part of my life and yet the amazing gift that you are comes with a terrible curse. I can't protect you from everything, no one has that power. Life is not meant to be lived without any pain and you have to experience it at one point. I accept that and only hope for it to be as little as possible. I have seen you suffer and been hurt many times, and every time...every damn time I have suffered with you and wished I could take that pain from you.

I'm your father, it's only logical that you see me as the wisest person in the world but sometimes I am clueless and... it's me who hurts you even if it's unintentionally.

That is the worst burden I can carry.

May your pain be my fault.

That's my curse".

Ryan wiped the tears from his eyes trying to maintain a calm attitude although inwardly he was terrified. Ryan and Vanessa had made the choice they thought was right for their family. From the very first moment they knew that it wouldn't be easy for their daughter, but they couldn't imagine the current situation. As much as they knew Max, they had thought of her as an ordinary 13 year old girl. But she was their own daughter, the same girl who had clung to a worn out teddy bear since she was 2 years old. They realized too late that as parents they had made an unforgivable mistake. Moving to Seattle was no mistake -economically they had no choice- but they failed to foresee how deeply it would hurt their daughter.

Max and Chloe, inseparable, impossible to picture one without the other. All the clues were there, in front of them.

Ryan had to make a great effort not to get up and run, such was the shame he felt in front of his barely teen daughter. He took a few seconds to pull himself together.

Max tried to speak but failed miserably, "I just ... I ... I can't" and that's all she could say before the knot in her throat became unbearable.

Ryan got up and hugged his daughter, tightly holding her, "It's okay, I'm here, your mom and I, we're here for you, we'll take care of you".

The small girl took refuge in her father's arms and for a tiny fraction of time she believed that everything was going to be fine, that she was going to be fine.

Ryan gently parted his daughter and rested his huge hands on her shoulders. "You know you can speak to us, we'll sort things out, we can arrange for you to visit Arcadia Bay on holidays and some weekends. We also have a guest room in case you want Chloe to come over".

Max looked at his father, an infinite sadness in her eyes. Once again silence was the only answer she could offer.

Ryan felt his daughter was closing again again and there was something he still wanted to tell her before it was too late. "I know things have been really hard on you, we moved and everything is new for you, you left a life in Arcadia Bay..people ... but life goes on, you have to go on".

Ryan sighed, "Max, you're 13 years old. I've also been 13 years old, I can imagine how you feel right now and the only advice I can give you is that time changes everything. You are very young and I understand you won't see it that way, your life has changed and nothing makes sense, but step by step you'll feel better. What you consider right now as truly important, will lose it's sense with time. You will live new experiences, new adventures and the concept of what really matters will change for you as it has happened to us all.

It´s cruel, I won't lie to you. There will come a time in your life in which you will find yourself hurt and at the same time you'll be aware that the pain you are suffering will ease with time and after enough time you won't care anymore for what caused that pain. That maturation is painful in itself, and cynical, because when something matters to you at any given moment you don't want it to just fade away with time even if it's hurting you. A small part of you will die every time something you care about stops being meaningful. You will remember how you suffered for something that doesn't matter to you anymore and that same memory will hurt you.

With time you will have many other issues to care about and you won't be stuck grieving for the same old ones.…Look Max, I am not saying that you will totally forget or don't care about anything. You will move on and look at those old stories with different eyes. And that applies to everything… or everyone, meeting new people doesn't mean forgetting or not caring about others, it just means that you are moving on".

"Right now I don't even know how I feel or if I feel anything at all" Max rubbed her nose. "Dad, do things really change so much?".

Ryan answered, trying to convince his daughter, "they do sweetie, they do" He would never recognize it but his words were meant to convince himself as well.

He gave her a moment before he changed his tone using a more authoritarian voice "I've already told you everything I wanted to. Now I want you to commit with us, your well being is our only priority but we need you to do your part. Your mother and I have spoken and we want you to speak with a counselor".

Max horrified, interrupted her father "Dad, I don't need ..."

Ryan in turn interrupted his daughter raising his voice and causing some heads to turn "We are not negotiating. We will find someone with whom you feel comfortable, at least for a few months until we consider that you are doing better. This same Monday we are talking to principal Schnell".

Max took a few moments before nodding her head with submission seeing no way out.

"There is more" her father continued "I want you to choose an activity for us to do together, you and me. It can be anything but I want us to do something together. I won't let you spend your weekends bunkered at home. If you don't want to go out with friends at least you will go out with me. Think about it and tell me but don't take too long. Also, as soon as your Mum catches up at work, we will go out together as a family. Sometimes it will be you with me or mum, sometimes all of us, but you are getting out of home".

Max nodded again, which was reciprocated with a slight nod of her father's head.

"The commitment is also ours. I know that what I ask for is not easy, so you have to tell us what Mum and I can do to make you feel better. We are a family and we have to work together".

The little girl looked at her father with an indescribable expression "I know what I want from you both".

"You can take your time, you don't need to tell me right now, it's a very important matter and you don't need to rush".

"I already know" she said "I don't want you to mention Chloe in my presence anymore. Don't ask me if I have spoken to her or if I know anything about her. Nothing. Chloe is never to be mentioned again in my presence and if in the future I'm able to make new friends I don't want you to mention her it in front of them".

Max let her words float in the air for a while "That's all I want".

Ryan looked at his little daughter unable to assimilate what she had just said "You..you really can't ... that's not right .. she was .." he stuttered.

Max cut off her father "Do not mention Chloe ever again ... starting right now. That's all I ask from you".

Something broke inside Ryan Caulfield. He carefully evaluated his daughter's words. If he refused her request all his words would be meaningless. What kind of commitment could he ask from his daughter if he himself was unable to fulfill his part of the bargain.

Once again in his life he willingly decided to make a choice that he knew would be painful. " _It's what Max wants, even if it's wrong, that's what she wants_." Ryan mentally repeated those words as a mantra until he was able to articulate an answer.

"Starting right now ... OK. I'll tell your mother tonight. We've got a deal and we will fulfill our part, but I want you to know that you are seriously wrong about this".

Max gave her father her signature answer, silence, only this time she shrugged as the only visible reaction to her father's words.

He got up from his chair and loomed over Max, he took a look at her unfinished food. Ryan was a serious eater but the knot in his stomach prevented him for eating anything else. He knew later his belly would protest, but it was getting late and there was some place he wanted to show his daughter.

Max was all that mattered to him.

"We're done here, let's go, there is this store I want us to go.. you might like it".

Father and daughter left the dinner. Ryan led his daughter across downtown stopping a couple of times to check directions in his cell phone. After some half an hour stroll they came to a medium-sized store whose windows were filled with cameras and other photographic equipment.

"We're here" Ryan said proudly "Your mother and I know how much you love photography and we are buying you a new camera. We are not so short on money anymore and we wanted to get you something that you liked".

Max eyed the shop window eagerly, amazed at the amount of material on display.

"There is no store like this in Arcadia Bay, Dad".

"We googled it. You are about to enter what is considered the best specialized store in the whole Seattle area".

Ryan hesitated "We thought a lot about what getting you. We wanted to make it count...you know, with everything that has been going on, we wanted not just a gift but something you could use and it could, I don't know, maybe help you..not moving on but getting you interested again in anything...setting you in motion…OK, I'm not making any sense".

Ryan stopped trying to choose the right words "Look, we miss the old Max, the one who was so passionate about many things. You haven't taken a single picture since we moved, we thought it would be good for you to start shooting again".

Max approached her father and took his hands in hers giving them a slight squeeze before letting them go. She muttered a mere _thank you._

"So let's go inside, and remember, we are not so tight on money now but that doesn't make us rich. Choose whatever camera you like but don't make me ask for a mortgage for it".

"Not bankrupting the family. I get it".

The store lived up to what his Internet fame promised. Dozens of cameras of all types and photographic material crammed the space from floor to ceiling. Behind the counter a man in his early forties, the living image of what a hipster photographer should be, was busy inspecting what appeared to be highly specialized magazines.

"Good afternoon, we are looking for a camera for my daughter, and we would like you to help us find one that suits her needs, please".

"Good afternoon" he raised his gaze from his magazine and looked at Max "what's your name, please?".

"Max," she said without wasting any unnecessary words.

"Ok Max, my name is Jeff. Let's see, it's for your birthday or some other type of celebration".

"No" her father replied, "she's very fond of photography and we just wanted to get her a camera so she could go on with it".

"I see... you should be looking into the low tier of the intermediate cameras, that should make it. Use if for a few years get the hold of it, practice a lot and then transition to a better camera. The displays on the far left have many models, go over there and tell me what you like". He paused and looked straight at Ryan before lowering his voice "those also have moderate prices".

The big man silently nodded in appreciation

Without further consideration Max went towards the designated area. She spent a good fifteen minutes looking at the cameras exposed, picking up a couple of them only to leave them in their places shortly after. She then moved further into the store. Her father leaned over and watched her walk across the different shelves, lightly touching the exposed machines with her fingertips, her gaze lost, until something out of Ryan's sight seemed to catch his daughter's attention.

The little girl returned to the counter with a camera in her hands. Max handed the camera to Jeff who in return looked at her surprised and shaking his head "A vintage 600 Series Polaroid? are you sure?".

"Yes," Max gave as her only answer.

"Look, I am one of the co-owners of this store, and both my other partner and all of our employees are first and foremost photo enthusiasts. You can go to your Walmart or Target and they will sell you any camera you choose, but in this store we try to sell with a minimum of common sense, that's where our credit comes from. You have chosen an instant camera, it's very difficult to make good pictures with this type of camera, it's intended for a.. let's say more casual approach to photography. What you shot is what you get, there is no room for editing the pictures. If you are not a really skilled photographer this camera will bring you anything but frustration, plus instant film is expensive and not that easy to find".

Max looked at the owner blankly and reiterated" I like this one".

He, in turn, looked at Ryan "seems like your daughter has very clear ideas".

The big man shrugged, not knowing what to say.

"Look, Max, let's do one thing, I don't want you to loose your passion because of a poor camera choice. We have some time before pike hours start, I can devote some time to you. In the back room I have a Polaroid very similar to the one you have chosen. You take that camera, go outside and shot a couple pictures, bring them to me and I'll explain to you why the Polaroid is a bad choice. Then I will help you to choose a camera that you can use and I'm giving you a 10% discount on it just to show you I really want to help. Agreed?".

Max nodded.

The owner went to the back room returning immediately with a very similar camera except this one looked extensively used. "Here, get outside and bring me a couple pictures, don't go too far, we'll be right here waiting for you".

She took the camera inspecting it with interest, after a brief moment she did a 180 and headed towards the door without a word. Before leaving, she stood in front of the door and did something really strange to the eyes that were beholding her. Max turned again and walked over to the displays showing the cameras she was supposed to buy. Once there, she apparently looked for a specific spot until she seemed satisfied enough, she lifted the camera and turn the objective towards herself, made a couple adjustments to her posture and shot.

"The picture" Max said to the owner, handing both the camera and the photo.

Jeff dropped the camera to one side of the counter and took the picture without looking away from the little girl, after a few moments, he focused on the photo. The photographer examined the Polaroid for a long time with an indecipherable expression, when he finally spoke, he addressed the teen "How old are you Max?".

"She's 13," Ryan gunned nervously, unsure whether it was apologetic or he was supposed to be proud.

"Well," said the owner thoughtfully his eyes always fixed in the photo. "I'm not going to lie to you, this picture has several technical mistakes, some quite obvious... anyways, technique can be learned... Why this picture Max? What made you think that would make a good picture?".

"I don't know... I was about to leave, thinking about what to shoot and the idea just popped in my head.. once I made the shot and looked at it and I knew that was what I wanted, no need for another one, that was it".

"As I said this photo has flaws, many... but the way you choose the subject, the composition.. there is something about it that tells me that with a lot or work there is a photographer in you". He raised his head "I'm going to sell you the Polaroid. If that's the way you want to express yourself, so be it. As I said you'll need a lot of hard work to improve your skills, but the talent, you either have it or you don't .. and I am pretty sure you have it".

The photographer then smiled broadly at Ryan before adding "besides, I'm going to make you a 15 percent discount because something tells me that I'll see you around here buying instant film many times".

Ryan smiled back, feeling relieved for the first time in the day. He asked his daughter, "Between the discount and the Polaroid being a somehow cheap camera we are running under budget, is there anything else you would like?".

Max looked at Jeff who at once understood the little girl was asking for his advice.

"I think I have the perfect accessory for our young photographer" He came out from behind the counter and went to the far side of the store. He returned after a few minutes, holding a messenger bag.

"You would look really cool with one of these" said the owner flashing a triumphant smile in his face.

Max inspected the bag "I don't care about cool, but it looks comfy and useful". She tried it on and nodded at both her father and Jeff approvingly.

Once everything was packed and paid, Ryan and Max thanked the owner saying goodbye with the promise of returning sooner than later. When they were about to leave the store the photographer shouted "Max, wait, just one question. Why the Polaroid?, it's still a difficult camera".

Max turned around. "It's not really about the camera. I don't care that much about instant pictures. Someone gave me my first lessons in photography with a Polaroid... it brings me back good memories".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally a new chapter.  
> Took like ages, but I managed to get a chapter that is longer than the two previous combined.  
> I tried to split the chapter so I get the updates rolling, but I couldn't, I think it makes more sense this way.  
> I am committed to the story and all is planned, just summer holidays are really busy for me. New updates will be faster, probably shorter chapters also, except for one  
> I'm not really experienced in 13 year old US text jargon, so if it's pathetic just tell me.  
> A few prompts.  
> The use of the word adventures, is from the movie Up, from Pixar.  
> The way Ryan explains what is like to be a father, well, go figure.  
> Any further questions or clarifications, you can add a comment or hit me in twitter.


	4. Log entries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max's diary ages 13-16  
> And a bit of a cliffhanger at the end.

**2008, Unknown date**

~~(My counselor asked me to)~~ **NO**

~~(My parents and I agreed~~ ) **NO**

No. This is the place to be myself so I'll do it my way.

A little introduction trying to sort my thoughts (emphasis on the trying part).

I'm visiting a counselor, her name is Mrs. Hall.

One of the agreements that I reached with my parents consisted in me visiting a counselor until they considered I was doing better.

I was out of options so I accepted, fully aware of the ambiguity of the agreement terms.

My first session with my previous counselor was based on questions and more questions (polite and respectful) on a topic that I don't talk about with anybody (no exceptions there), so I said practically nothing. My second and final session was far worse despite the counselor's efforts to start over, I said nothing.

Mrs. Hall is my second counselor. My parents and I agreed to find someone with whom I felt comfortable.

Mrs. Hall never mentions C.

So I feel comfortable.

She just asks me how was my day, what I think, what I feel etc. She never pushes me even though I answer her most of the time with monosyllables. She calls that talking, I´m OK with that.

On our last session she told me that I should gather my thoughts (hey, big news, even before the move my brain was chaotic). First step is being honest to yourself and one of the best ways it's to write a diary or letters. Expressing your thoughts in written words usually helps because it's harder to lie.

_Psychology 101,_ that's what I thought. I don't need a counselor to know that I can express my feelings by writing a diary or letters.

~~But I'm committed to my parents and~~ **NO** (honesty Max, this is for you).

The truth is I don't want to feel dead inside, I wish I could move on.

So since I have no one to write to ---------------------(sorry for the blot this is harder than I thought) I'll stick to the diary thing.

Now onto some rules and terms of use:

This is not a diary. In fact we pirates don't have diaries, we have logbooks GRRR (small joke to relieve the tension of the moment).

I'm just going to write whatever crosses my mind.

I'm not going to follow any order or criteria, all I promise is to write regularly.

So, why bothering with introductions etc if this diary is just for me?

If movies have taught me something is that this ultra secret journal is going to be stashed in the most hidden corner of my room but no matter how hard I try to hide it, some or several (or all) of the following people will read it at one point:

a) My parents (most likely)

b) My boyfriend (that's a long, long shot)

c) My best friend (I don't talk about that, no exceptions)

d) A random friend (I hope he/she is understanding and respectful, I would be)

e) The cleaning lady (we don't have one)

So if you are a), b) d) or e) you know what this is about and I hope you feel bad for reading what you shouldn't. This is for therapeutic purposes.

And if you're c) I'm sorry but I think I'll never be able to give you 100%. I'm sure you're an absolutely wonderful person if I had let you get so close to me. Maybe you deserve better, think about it.

 

 

**2008, Unknown date**

Last Saturday I went to the Thunderbirds game, second one on our father-daughter bonding project.

I had to choose an activity to do with him and I thought that sports would be the best choice. An activity that involved watching other people do something would allow me to disconnect from time to time and take refuge in myself. (Opera was a fast discard because...well).

I did some internet research about professional teams in Seattle and I came across the Thunderbirds. I don't have a clue about hockey (about sports in general) but Thunderbirds seemed like a more spectacular name than Supersonics or Seahawks, my father was surprised but he didn't complain.

Better not tell him how I came up with that choice .

Opening game was a bit of first contact thing, my father was so excited about us going together that he bought me a team jersey (too big, apparently there are no hockey fans with my small frame).

This second game was better. I even managed to focus in the actual game for a while, of course there was a fight and that helped a lot.

I try to look interested because I know my parents will appreciate it and that's the right thing to do.

I asked my father to take a picture of me with my brand new jersey, although I later regretted. His sausage-like fingers are not made for my new camera. I feared total mayhem while noticing he couldn't find the right button to press.

Before going to sleep I reviewed the photo and I couldn't help remembering who taught me to take pictures with the Polaroid

Let's say I didn't have a good night.

 

 

**2008, Unknown date**

I'm not so cloistered at home anymore, I go out and try to do different things but most of the time I am on autopilot. I try hard but the only thing that gets me going is photography.

I really enjoy when it's just me and my camera but as I haven't free roaming privileges I don't get many of those moments.

My mother has already caught up with her work, we've been visiting Seattle together, the three of us. We also went hiking to Mt Rainier (Guided Routes, GPS and stuff, better not rely in my father's survivalist skills)

I spend more time with Kristen and Fernando, most periods, lunch time etc. I like them both and I think I got very lucky when I was assigned to them.

I am still having issues with spending out of school time with them. I feel comfortable around them, but when school's over I just want to be home. I don't think I would be a good company right now, it's hard enough to pretend being OK during school hours.

I hope they understand it.

Seattle is already covered in Christmas lights. I love Christmas Lights. I love vintage lighting in general.

Why not leaving them all year round?

I gotta think about it. Lanterns maybe?

 

 

**December 23, 2008**

Mom, I'm pretty sure eventually you'll get to read this diary.

Based on genetic trait, and discarding Dad who isn't nosy at all, it has to be you who I got my nosiness from.

I want you to know that in this story (my story) there is an unsung hero and that's you.

You've been behind every single thing that Dad has done to try to fix me. You have chosen to stay on the bench letting dad take the glory of the last goal and I know you've done it for the team (dog, all this sports terminology is getting into my head).

I am so grateful for you both, but this is about you.

You know I am also nosy (my genes I can't help it, ultimately your fault). Some time ago I came across this box full of pictures that was not-so-well hidden in your wardrobe.

Funny how you two looked 20 years ago.

Apart from many kissing photos (yuck, gross) there was this picture that got me smiling for a whole day.

I didn't know you played in a grunge band (or was it pre-grunge? I am not sure about the dates).

You know why I asked for a guitar my last birthday? I wanted to play guitar just like my mom did (minus the grunge thing).

Mom, someday I would like to be as good as a mother as you are.

I would settle for being half the mother you are to me.

These are going to be my first Christmas in Seattle, as long as I can remember all I have are good memories of Christmas but this year is different.

I hope we have a nice Christmas, the three of us together

 

 

**March 12, 2009.**

How many times have I been about to call C.? Hundreds.

If I didn't call her yesterday I don't think I ever will.

Perhaps the time has come to write down some of the thoughts I am unable to speak out in loud voice. Mrs Hall said that eventually this moment would come.

Not having C. by my side is so painful that I can't feel anything else.

I don't know how to live without C. in my life, I haven't done since I was 5 years old and I am still petrified.

I decided to erase her from my life. I thought a long distance relationship wouldn't work and we would slowly forget about each other, so I decided to end it at once.

\- (sincerity, sincerity Max, you can't fool yourself)

Truth is I was actually terrified that a long distance relationship wouldn't work for her, that she would slowly grew apart and forget about me.

I would have never forgotten her, not in a lifetime.

I thought it would be easier for me this way.

I still haven´t accepted what I did, I think I'll never do

Does time really change everything?

\---------------------------------

\----------------------------

Future Max I dare you: prove me wrong, prove my Dad was right and time will heal me.

And please, somebody take care of C.

 

 

**September 21, 2010**

Today I'm fifteen years old.

I have not heard anything from C. since the day I went to her house to say goodbye.

Over time I have remembered the last words she told me that day. I should have been blocking that memory (my limited brain seems to have allied with me on that one). No matter how hard I tried, not until some moths ago I could remember.

I try not to think about her because it's painful. But I do, I just can't get her out of my mind.

What is she up to, who are her friends, how she would look like (Sure she is beautiful girl, she has always has been) .

Today I am fifteen years old and I know that the reasons why I made the worst decision in my life were totally wrong.

But I have to live with it.

Now, there is no point in calling her or asking for forgiveness.---------

\---------------------------

C. surely has gotten over me and she doesn't need me back in her life. After all, I'm the one who bailed on her when she needed me the most.

I could never forgive myself for what I did to her.

 

 

**June 10, 2011.**

Summer is almost here.

Kristen, Fernando and I hang out a lot. They have been very patient with me and finally I'm breaking my shell, at my own pace but firmly.

One of my favorite places in Seattle is Woodland Park Zoo, I've gone multiple times, so many that Kristen and Fernando refuse to come with me again.

My favorite animals are penguins, I could spend the whole afternoon just looking at them although I never take pictures.

Soon I will turn sixteen and I still look like a little girl.

Kristen is tall, she has boobs and ass. All I have is a pale body completely covered with freckles and no curves at all. I'm actually months older than her but she seems to be way ahead of me, just like most of the other girls in my class.

Talking about penguins, here's a random thought: Penguins are among the most faithful species in the animal kingdom, once they find a partner they mate for life.

Another random thought: You know who would look totally killer in a tuxedo?

* * *

 

 

**March 25, 2012**

**Kristen: 11.00 AM**

how's your Sunday? What are u up to?

**Max: 11.00 AM**

Home chores, feels like I'm grounded

How was last night after I left?

**Kristen: 11.00 AM**

We saw another movie, went to sleep after that

**Max: 11.00 AM**

Sorry to leave, my father won't pick me up later

**Kristen: 11.00 AM**

Fernando stayed in the guest room

U should have stayed for a sleepover, U never do

**Max: 11.05 AM**

No sleepovers for me. No offense, totally not your fault

I just don't do it anymore. Sorry

**Kristen: 11.05 AM**

Ur choice, not a problem

**Kristen: 11.07 AM**

U remember Dan, the guy in history class?

**Max: 11.07 AM**

U mean Dan the guy you like?

**Kristen: 11.07 AM**

Guilty as charged. That one.

Next Tuesday we are going out, dinner

He has this friend Mark, he knows u from school, wanna go the 4 of us on a fancy dinner?

Will be home early

**Max: 11.07 AM**

4? Fernando not coming?

**Kristen: 11.07 AM**

U serious?

**Max: 11.07 AM**

?

**Kristen: 11.07 AM**

It´s a DATE, Fernando not included

**Max: 11.12 AM**

Not for me, sorry, u have fun

**Kristen: 11.12 AM**

Plz.

**Max: 11.12 AM**

Not a good idea, u should go with Dan, don't even know the other guy

**Kristen: 11.12 AM**

He knows u. U are in his radar

Come on plz

**Max: 11.12 AM**

Not been in a date

**Kristen: 11.12 AM**

How long?

**Max: 11.12 AM**

Like ever

**Kristen: 11.13 AM**

never?

**Max: 11.15 AM**

I just hung out with u guys, when was I supposed to?

**Kristen: 11.15 AM**

U should totally come

**Max: 11.15 AM**

Not interested

**Kristen: 11.15 AM**

Mark is cute, plz

**Max: 11.15 AM**

Still not interested. For the record, not interested in dating in general

**Kristen: 11.15 AM**

Max, seriously, we waited for u until u were ready

U should try dating

Do it for urself also

**Max: 11.20 AM**

Low blow

**Kristen: 11.20 AM**

Not intended as a blow

U should try dating. Everybody does

**Kristen: 11.23 AM**

plz. I like this guy

Never asked u anything before

**Max: 11.27 AM**

Another low blow

**Kristen: 11.27 AM**

Not that way, just it's important for me

Wouldn't ask if not

**Max: 11.27 AM**

I get to be alone with the other guy?

**Kristen: 11.27 AM**

U want to?

**Max: 11.27 AM**

hell no!

**Kristen: 11.27 AM**

Double date means there is 4 of us

U feel better that way?

**Kristen: 11.28 AM**

C'mon Max's first date!

**Max: 11.32 AM**

U are out of "never asked u anything" cards

OMG

Fine. I'll go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter I tried to cover some 3 years of Max's life in Seattle.  
> These 3 years are slowly preparing Max for major changes and/or revelations that will be covered in next chapters.  
> I thought the best way to tell what was going on was letting Max explain herself.  
> The dashed parts are supposed to be tears in the diary. I tried many different things, then I copy-pasted the text and rich format wouldn't allow me my initial layout. This would have to make it.  
> And, yes, next chapter is Max's first date in Seattle plus a small surprise.  
> Anything you guys want to ask, criticize or correct, you are all welcomed.


	5. Max's first date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max goes on a date.. and it doesn't end well. Kristen and Max have a thoughtful conversation and Max realizes her feelings for Chloe.

**March 27, 2012**

**Max: 07.10 AM**

Kristen...

**Max: 07.12 AM**

I'm sorry

**Max: 07.15 AM**

I really am

**Max: 07.17 AM**

Talk to me

plz

**Kristen: 07.20 AM**

No

**Max: 07.20 AM**

Sorry

**Max: 07.24 AM**

plz

**Kristen: 07.28 AM**

Fuck u

**Max: 07.28 AM**

see u at lunch time

* * *

Conveniently, Max shared no periods with Kristen that day and she could avoid confrontation until lunch break.

When Max reached the school cafeteria, she was already seated in their usual spot. Fernando was nowhere to be seen so she brunette decided that after the text fiasco that morning it would be advisable to grab some food before facing her friend. After filling her tray without paying much attention to what she picked, Max hesitantly headed for Kristen, stopping a few steps before reaching her. With the food tray still in her hands she looked expectantly, her friend looked up and glanced at Max dryly. After a few seconds she gave her a small nod indicating she was allowed to sit beside her.

She settled in front of Kristen and dropped her food tray, she stood up across the table and put her hand on the other girl's shoulder. "I know I've already said it but I mean it, I'm very sorry".

"I'm still mad at you" she said as she ate her fries staring at Max, the two girls kept their eyes locked in each other without either of them knowing what to say.

Kristen broke the awkward silence. "Dan turned out to be a serious ass," she said not taking her eyes off her friend. Without waiting for an answer she took a fry from Max's tray and playfully threw it at her "anyway, after lat night , no more double dates with you".

"I guess I deserve it." Max removed the fry from her hoodie making sure there was no oil stain in it "so what happened with Dan?".

"Dan insisted on dropping Mark straight after we dropped you. I thought he wanted to talk to me about how the night went down or maybe ask for another date just the two of us. I was having my doubts, after how he behaved but I might had given him a chance. It turned out differently, he kept on his initial plan for the night. When I told him I would rather go home after how the date went down, he went on full asshole mode. He ended up making this comment out of nowhere about how I should do more sport ... so no more Dan for me".

"What an asshole, I'm sorry".

"Don't sorry me anymore, besides, better finding out before a second date".

"I saw Mark this morning in the hallway …" Max said sheepishly.

"And…?".

"I walked towards him, I wanted .. somehow to apologize, to tell him that it was not his fault... I don't know, I felt bad for him".

Max lowered her head feeling somewhere between embarrassed and hurt "he turned his face when he saw me.. he went off talking to his friends. The way they looked at me, probably about last night. I guess being shy and nerdy was not bad enough. Now, I am now officially a weirdo".

Max sank in her chair, hands covering her face "this is not what I was expecting from my life in Seattle".

Fernando made his appearance tray in hand, sitting next to Max "I heard last night was a failure" he said giving her a friendly blow on the shoulder.

"I screwed up big time, no excuses".

Kristen got up and hugged Max "it's okay, I've had all morning to blow off steam, in fact I think it was my fault. I pushed you and maybe you weren't ready ... still no more double dates with you" she said with a malicious smile.

Max pulled away from Kristen's embrace wiping away her red-glassy eyes and thanking that their usual spot was in a far corner away from the center of the cafeteria. She shrugged. "You are right, I wasn't ready, but I agreed to go not because you pushed me or to humor you. I agreed because going on dates is what people our age do".

She looked at her two friends and sobbed slightly "You two are ... like ... like everyone else ... I'm the awkward one ... I'd never gone on a date ... and now I'm probably the official weirdo" Max leaned forward, sinking her face into her lap" I don't want to be like this, I really don't want ... it's just that everything is so ... confusing ... I don't know how to behave or what's expected from me ... fuck I'm a mess".

Kristen and Fernando comforted her, noticing many heads turning towards them whispering. The three of them realized that last night was already of the general domain.

"Any of you girls is going to tell me what really happened last night. I mean, I prefer to listen first hand story from you than the adulterated version that will surely come to me".

This time it was Kristen's turn to wait for a signal from her friend to act. Max muttered under her breath "Fernando, I'd rather you know about it from us ... it's a bit embarrassing though".

"Truth is, if you disregard the fact that Max feels really bad about it, it was hilarious".

"Oh come on, please Kristen".

"It wasn't at that point, and it surely still isn't for you, … better let Fernando judge for himself".

"I didn't pretend to".

Fernando burst into the seemingly interminable exchange between the two girls "please, will someone ever tell me what happened?".

Max looked at Kristen seriously blushing "Please don't indulge in the embarrassing details".

"Oh, come on, the story would lose all it's appeal" she said mischievously.

Max rolled her eyes and sighed "there goes all my future, officially screwed up for the rest of my days".

Kristen leaned back getting her friends to approach her. "When Dan came to pick me up Mark was already with him in the car. Dan was more or less chilled but the other guy was all excited about his date. He wouldn't stop talking about Max, to be honest a bit too much. I was getting nervous because I knew Max was not on the same page. We arrived at Max's house and I got out of the car to go pick her up but Mark stopped me saying he was going instead, I had texted Max beforehand so she was already waiting for the car on the driveway when we arrived ... fortunately.

Mark got out of the car and suddenly out of nowhere he was holding this bouquet of roses. Again I thought it was a bit too much but there he was, all smiles".

Kristen stopped at that moment and gave a malicious grin to Fernando "I swear, the guy was probably sporting a semi boner already, all dress up, bouquet in hands ... and there comes Max dressed in her usual hoodie, blue jeans and chuck taylors".

Kristen addressed Max "I told you to dress up".

"It was a brand new hoodie, I bought it the day before".

Fernando looked at Kristen and then at Max, his eyes open in surprise. He chose not to say anything.

"Hang on, this is just starting... The guy was all spirited up, he walked up to Max and offered her the bouquet, Max stood still and looked at the guy as if he were an alien, and all she said was _Um, thank you but I'm not really into flowers_ and she just hugged one of her arms with the other without saying anything else while the other boy just stood there with his arm stretched out offering the bouquet.

I couldn't believe it, I got out of the car and ripped the flowers out of Mark's hand who was motionless. I grabbed Max's hands and closed them around the bouquet, I put my face right in front of hers to snap her out and I said _these flowers are for you, Mark brought flowers for you. Get back inside and put them in a vase with water, because they are very nice and they will spoil_ _otherwise, just go,_ _we'll be waiting for you right here._

Max went back inside and I tried to talk to Mark and told him that she hadn't been in many dates (better not tell him it was her first date) and probably she was nervous and he shouldn't worry. 5 minutes later Mark was more relaxed, he had been talking to Dan and me and we assured him there was nothing to worry about.

And then Max came back and she had that face like she doesn't understand what's happening".

"Kristen please, come on".

"you shush, my story... she came back, the three of us were outside the car waiting for her, she approaches us and I could tell that she was trying hard to get things right, she thanked Mark for the flowers and told him she had put the flowers in a vase in her room. For a moment I thought we could fix the situation. Dan jumped in the car and Mark opened the rear door for Max to get in, she did and Mark turned around to get on the other side while I sit down in the front with Dan...and then Max did it again.

She saw Mark siting with her in the rear sit and told him _what are you doing?_ and of course Mark didn't know what she was talking about so Max told him to better sit in front with Dan so I could sit in the rear with her.

Dan and I turned around looking at Max, like _what the fuck?_ She realized she said something inconvenient and tried to fix it, I mean she really did notice and she really tried but she got it all wrong again. She looked at Mark and said, and those were her exact words: _I'm sorry Mark, I just don't know you and I'm horrible with new people._ _I don't know what to talk about, maybe it's better if I just sit in the back with Kristen_.

Dan was already getting upset. He started the car mumbling, Max looked at me waiting for me to do something. I told Dan that maybe it was better to pull over and switch seats, but Dan said no and kept on muttering. I turned and shrugged at Max.

There was this total silence in the car, Max wouldn't know what to say, Mark was still in shock, and I couldn't came up with anything so I switched on the radio, nobody said anything until we arrived at the restaurant except for Dan who kept swearing under his breath".

"Woah, Max, you really made a number" Fernando said giggling "A double date means you were supposed to couple with the other guy, not with you friend".

"I don't know what I was thinking, I just saw this guy and thought I didn't know what to talk about, so I guess I kind of freaked out".

"Let me finish, Fernando", Kristen said, "were are reaching the grand finale. Anyway, we got out of the car and I told the guys to come in the restaurant first because I wanted to talk to Max. She told me she was fucking up everything and she was so sorry. I told her it was OK, but she kept on explaining how she was trying but she got it all wrong. It was already too late to bail so I ask her to be calm, to be relaxed and think about it just like a dinner with friends. She answered me her only friend who was a guy and she was comfortable around was you".

"fist bump" Fernando offered to Max who reciprocated his gesture shyly.

"We came in the restaurant and Max started talking to Mark, she asked him about school, what he liked etc but the guy mostly answered with monosyllables. At that point he was being quite an ass. I mean, probably Max fucked up before but she was trying to be nice and this guy wouldn't let her. I saw how this guy was being so mean to Max so I excused us telling them I needed to smoke. Off we went and I realized I forgot my purse where the smokes were. Max offered to get them for me while I waited outside, once she came back we chilled out while I finished my cigarette. We got back inside the restaurant, Dan was still in a bad mood and wasn't talking much, Mark and I were talking but it was an idle talk. Suddenly there was this silence because truth is that the conversation was a bit forced, we all stared at each other and it was really awkward but luckily we had Max with the highlight of the night".

At that moment Kristen made a dramatic pause looking both at Fernando and Max before resuming her story. "There we were, the four of us sitting in complete silence, and Max cleared her throat and said _so you guys are into baseball?, I like hockey I go to the thunderbirds games with my fathe_ r. Mark and Dan look at Max and I would say it's the first time in the whole night that Dan talked to Max. He was very rude and all he said was that he didn't like baseball at all and _where the fuck_ (exact words) _did she got that from_. Max looked at him shyly and in a thin voice she said _when I came back for Kristen's purse I heard you saying something about reaching second base_ , _that's baseball isn't it?_ ".

Fernando couldn't suppress the spasm of laughter coming up his chest, unfortunately for him, his mouth was full of soda at that precise moment. He tried and succeed keeping his mouth shut, but of course, all the gas compressed inside his throat looked for an easy way out... his nose. Kristen couldn't help bursting into laughter as she saw Fernando pulling soda from his nose while he tried to hold back his laughter. Max meanwhile had hunched over in her chair and was blushing furiously. "Please don't laugh at me, I feel terrible".

When he managed to stop laughing, Fernando wiped his face with a napkin and pointed at Max "are you really so oblivious about it?".

Max didn't answer, sinking further into her chair, instead Kristen finished the story amid serious outbursts of laughter both from her and Fernando who was still having problems with the soda inside his organism. "As you can imagine, Mark and I froze in place. Dan for his part shot an icy gaze at Max and swore again, this time in loud voice. Nobody said anything anymore. We finished the dinner in a tense silence, split the bill in four parts and left the restaurant as fast as we could. Dan drove first to Max's house to drop her without asking anybody. Max wished everybody a good night, neither Dan nor Mark wished her back".

"As much as Max fucked up, and she did, both those guys look like total asses to me" Fernando said, having yet breathing problems.

"They really were" Kristen asserted barely keeping her laughter herself.

After a bit of well-intentioned banter, Fernando and Kristen told Max comforting words that she thanked for. That didn't kept her from feeling low. She looked at her friends with an expression of deep pain. "How do I do it? ... how can I be like the rest of you ... how can I be normal?".

Kristen took her hand and gave her a slight squeeze, getting a sad smile from her "we are your friends, we'll help you with everything, but I don't think we can explain you how to be normal, there is no such thing as being normal".

Fernando was totally calmed by now and he was in his usually laid back mode, something Max always was grateful for "if we are talking about dates, Kristen has a lot more experience than I do".

"How's so?, I mean you are cute and really nice, most girls would be happy to date you". She realized she didn't know much about her friend's love life. Surely from time to time any of them would excuse from hanging out with the others because they had a date but Max wouldn't dig much about it.

Fernando chuckled and looked at Kristen who joined his giggle "Fernando is a special case"

"80's movies ruined my life. I'm totally into the blond bimbo cheerleader type ... so you can already imagine my prospects for success".

Max tried not to make her astonishment too obvious "no offense intended, but I can't picture you with this kind of girl".

"so far zero success and the perspectives are not better".

"so?".

"Well, more or less I've already assumed that I'm doomed while in high school but it's OK. I'm enjoying my time in Seattle, I hang out with you two and once I'm off to college I'll try a fresh start and see what happens, my best years lie ahead" Fernando rubbed the bridge of his nose still looking for soda residues in his face "anyway, that's the kind of girl I like in general, that doesn't mean that I won't find anyone that I like and she might or might not fit in than description. As I told you I feel like I have all the time in the world ahead of me".

Kristen intervened "You see Max, that's the thing. You can't choose who you like, you just meet someone and you like him. You might have a type of guy that you like as in Fernando case, but maybe you'll meet someone who is nothing like that and you fall for him... as for me, I don't have a special type of guy I like. I have had a few dates but never beyond third date with anybody. I am not a dating expert, I can't give you serious advice about anything except that once you'll find somebody you like this stuff will come natural, and if it doesn't, then he is not worth the effort".

"Have you two ever… like dated together?" Max asked, embarrassed. "I mean you had hung out without me many times and I wouldn't know".

Fernando made a half smile and shifted in his chair "I guess that would be the easy way. the two nerds who spend all the time together and end up together after realizing… whatever, a walking cliche" He shook his head and denied "look, I don't believe in cliches, I think they are nothing more than simplistic reductions. I've known Kristen for a very long time and it has always been her and me, we have common tastes and we're very comfortable together". Fernando made a nice smile on Kristen who, as only response, nodded slightly "but we've never liked each other that way ... we have never felt the need to take our relationship elsewhere".

"I actually think I've dated guys way uglier than Fernando, but for some reason I liked those guys while I wasn't attracted to Fernando".

Max grabbed her fork and started drawing imaginary patterns in the table "You two make everything seem so easy, but I find it all really confusing. I feel like I don't know what to do".

Kristen looked at Max and then at Fernando. She hesitated for a few seconds and finally addressed him "Fernando, please, be the all-round nice guy that you are and bring me another soda please".

"it's rush hour, there's a huge waiting line. Why don't you grab it from a vending machine on our way out?".

Kristen grimaced at Fernando while reiterating her request "Can you please bring me a soda?".

Fernando acknowledged Kristen. He looked at the waiting line and then at his two friends nodding slightly with his head " I'll be right back, might take me 10 minutes or more".

"What was that?" Max asked.

"Look, there is this one thing. Fernando and I have talked about this sometimes and after what happened last night and how you are feeling about it... I think it's time for me to ask. But before, I can't stress this enough, if you don't feel comfortable we don't need to talk about it. We just thought maybe you need to talk with somebody or speak out loud or whatever. I asked Fernando to leave to make it easier for you".

Kristen took a deep breath and asked Max the question that had been hanging around their head for some time. "Are you gay, Max?".

Max looked at Kristen, eyes wide open in amazement. The question really surprised her, after a few seconds she blushed wildly "I ... I ... I... what makes you think that?".

Kristen understood that Max was not going to answer with a simple yes or no, she also realized that she didn't reject the question "Well, for one thing it's not just that you haven't shown any interest in dating. You don't seem to care about boys in general, you have never talked about guys with us, which is quite strange".

Max took some time to answer "there are some guys I find cute ...skater guys mostly... but that's all".

"so you don't like guys?".

"It's not exactly like that. It's more like I'm not interested in guys the way you're interested".

Kristen felt she had to push the subject further, Max was not avoiding questions and probably she needed to express her thoughts out in loud voice in a friendly environment. "You like girls then?".

Max, again, took her time to answer " Look I'm a total mess in these things, how would I know...l like... how could I be sure about it?".

"Liking other people is a very personal thing but... if you see some girl and first thing you think is if she's cute or not, if you could picture yourself cuddling with girls, or kissing girls, if you are attracted to girls ... I guess it would be something like that".

"You mean girls... like in general".

"I guess so, just like I like guys in general".

At that precise moment Max's tricky brain reviewed many of her old memories with Chloe. Max had revived each and every one of those memories too many times to count but this time everything was different. Something clicked in Max's brain and for the first time she knew.

She looked at her friend with a half smile "if being gay means that I like girls in general ... then I'm not gay".

Max let her words float between them. Kristen felt that her friend was not telling her everything.

Kristen was right.

The thought that Max kept for herself was the one thing that shaped her past and the reason for all her future choice, it was a simple thought.

And for Kristen's question, Max could have given her an additional answer that she also kept for herself. Said answer being "If you are only attracted to one individual, if all you care about is one particular person and that person happens to be a girl just like you are, if that makes you gay... then I'm definitely gay".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had a lot of problems regarding the part in which Kristen relates the date.  
> When I first wrote it all of it was in present tense, like it was actually happening, then I translated to English and I thought it was wrong.  
> In both my mother tongues using present tense telling a story that happened in a close past made sense but I'm not so sure in English so I switched to past tense. Feel totally free to correct if I got it wrong, I am really not sure about it.  
> As for the rest, I tried to picture Max going on a date with all her doubts and insecurities.  
> As always, we have almost no information of the 5 years Max spent in Seattle, but for sure she didn't just stayed in a bubble.  
> I imagine her trying to date... and failing miserably.  
> I also wanted to give more background to Kristen and Fernando, we know nothing about them, but them being good friends with Max surely they talked a lot about stuff.  
> As for the last part, well that was my take on Max from the very beginning, of course open to all kind of discussion.  
> Hope you guys like it.  
> Feel free to comment.


	6. Meltdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max has been thinking, being Max that means probably overthinking.  
> What would it take for her to decide to apply for Blackwell and try to reunite with Chloe?  
> Max also decides to tell her friends about Chloe and her plans regarding her.  
> Contains frequent use of f**** word.

**March 31, 2012. Morning.**

Max rummaged through the sheets with a grunt. She was unable to tell if the knocks on the door were part of her dream or not. Her mother's voice asking if she verever planned to get up gave her the answer.

"I'll be down in 10 minutes Mum" was the only reply she could provide in her stupor.

Rubbing her eyes, she sat up on the bed and made a quick inspection of her surroundings. The first thing that caught her attention was the amount of light coming through the small slit that lay open in her window, it should be late already. After regaining control of her slumbering body, she rose from the bed and picked up her diary from the floor assuming she dropped it in her sleep. Unwieldy she stashed the diary in it's hiding place and set about making the bed as she did every morning. As she stretched the sheets the letter she'd been writing the night before showed up, more blots than words. She shook her head and wrung it furiously before throwing it at the bin.

Max slammed the door to her room and went down the stairs two at a time heading to the kitchen where her mother was waiting with a steaming cup of coffee ready.

"What about that bad temper? I'll have your father to check your door because you probably have loosened some hinges with the slamming".

Max clenched his teeth as she looked away from her mother trying not to give an inconvenient answer. "Sorry, I haven't slept well and you know how much lack of sleep affects me".

She looked at her with the unbelieving expression only a mother can show when facing such a blatant half-truth from her own daughter "I wasn't sure if I should cook late breakfast or brunch. You're lucky it's Saturday and you were able to sleep late. Your father is home this morning, he'll check your door plus a few things downstairs, it seems you haven't slept well ... all week".

Vanessa Caulfield scrutinized her daughter intently as she waited for a response from Max without any success. She had secretly feared a relapse in her previous behavior for some days.

Max kept her eyes lost for a few moments until she finally addressed her mother "there is something I need to clear my thoughts about, it's something that no one can do for me. I need a little time" she made a little pause noticing a knot in her throat as she spoke "I'm not going to shut you out of my life again, that's a lesson I've learned, but right now I need time".

"You are 16, you have all the time in the world, don't worry about it".

Max got up from her stool and without further explanation grabbed the pancakes and syrup. She finished breakfast and excused herself returning to her room. Unable to get more sleep despite not having rested that night, she was lying on the bed looking at the ceiling when her phone went off .

**Kristen: 11.25 AM**

Hey Max

**Max: 11.25 AM**

Hey urself

**Kristen: 11.25 AM**

Coffee this afternoon? The usual suspects.

**Max: 11.26 AM**

Not sure, maybe chilling out at home.

**Kristen: 11.26 AM**

Seattle native here, born and raised. I consider a moral obligation to maintain the local tradition of drinking coffee always and at all times.

**Max: 11.26 AM**

I'm almost a local now.

**Kristen: 11.26 AM**

Pfff, no. Never.

Oregon small towner you are.

**Kristen: 11.26 AM**

Feeling better?

**Max: 11.27 AM**

About to say why you asked but not bullshitting u.

**Max: 11.27 AM**

Not really, maybe I could use some time off with u guys instead of staying home.

**Kristen: 11.27 AM**

That's the spirit.

Pick you up at 3, ride a bus downtown, ok?

**Kristen: 11.27 AM**

And you are not a Seattleite.

Drink a lot of coffee and maybe we'll give u honorary citizenship.

* * *

Of all the bazillions of coffee shops that they could choose, the three friends found themselves sitting in Starbucks. Max grumbled about going to a smaller, nicer place, but Kristen, who after that morning's text conversation was in a very Seattle mood, insisted on going to a Starbucks because, you know... Seattle and Starbucks. To Max's joy at least they discarded the one at Pike Place Market because of the tourists and ended up in another much bigger and modern. Still, being a Saturday afternoon and downtown the place was packed to the brim.

Fernando went to the counter to order the coffees and was queuing up while Kristen tried to cheer Max up with little success. Once Fernando came back she could not focus on her friend's lively conversation, probably it was about a topic they three were so passionate about, comics, movies or video games, but she wouldn't know, her mind was wandering elsewhere.

It was then when one those events, apparently unimportant, occurred.

When they arrived at the Starbucks, the place was already full and they could only find a seating place next to the central aisle leading to the counters. In simple words, the worst possible place except being next to the door in winter time. The place was a constant hustle of people queuing up and returning with their drinks.

A group of boys about their age were going out with drinks in hand as they shoved each other playfully. One of them stumbled over to another customer and pounced on Max's table, regaining his balance at the last moment before falling on her. Unfortunately he had asked for a Venti size and the stumbling momentum caused him to spill some of his drink on Max. Time seemed to stop for her. It took her a brief moment to realize what had happened, when she reacted she first looked at her lap which was covered with a hot, thick paste, she turned her gaze to the coffee guy who was ready to apologize.

He didn't get a chance.

Max jumped from her chair, fists clenched and faced the other guy "The fuck you've done, are you out of your fucking mind, asshole?".

He looked at Max in utter surprise. The girl was shouting at him mere inches from his own face "Can't you even keep balance while you hold your coffee, you prick?".

Max pushed the boy hard which was useless as the guy towered some 10 inches above her. "Uh" was all the astonished kid managed to say before Max stampeded towards the bathroom "move the fuck away from me" were her last words before disappearing in a flush of brunette hair and freckles.

Kristen and Fernando's jaws dropped at their friend's sudden fury outburst. Not once in the years they have known Max had they witnessed her using verbal or physical violence. Fernando was the first to snap out and went into full damage control mode. "I'm sorry for my friend, she's not normally, well..." he hesitated a second correcting himself, "she's never like that".

He stood up and fixed the other's guy's jacket giving him a friendly tap "let's forget this, she's going through a bad time and she took it on you. She was wrong. We'll talk to her, please accept our apologies on her behalf".

He looked up at Kristen who got his message "sorry, just don't make a big thing about this, please".

The other guy just looked at them both. He shrugged before turning to his friends muttering a simple "whatever" and left.

Fernando sighed before he sat down again "one less problem... That was totally not Max at all. Kristen you should probably go talk to her, I would go myself, but I don't think I would be so welcomed in the girl's restroom".

Kristen did as he asked her and went into the bathroom. Max was nowhere to be seen in the sink area, so Kristen checked the stalls one by one until she reached the one farthest to the door, the only one that was closed.

"Max, are you in there?".

"I'm not".

Kristen snorted "you do realize that's an absolutely stupid answer?".

"I-do-not-fucking-care" She answered emphasizing every single syllable.

"What's up with you?, you've been moody for a few days, but this right now ... this has been something totally out of place".

"I'm OK, leave me be and go home, I'll ride a bus later".

"No way, we came together and we go back together, come out and tell us what's wrong with you".

"Leave me the fuck alone ...just GO".

"I said no".

"And I said fucking GO," Max said, kicking the door.

Kristen was startled to hear the kick, "Hey, what about the kicks, Max-Relax, NOW". She spent a few moments listening to her friend snorting and grumbling between teeth. "You realize you're behaving like a spoiled toddler".

"Fuck off"

"Fine, I'm going to lean here quietly and wait for you to come to reason, I won't leave until you get out or tell me what's going on".

"Just go".

"Max Caulfield I swear to God you are more stubborn than my fucking Roomba. Let's play your game, we've reached a dead end. I'm not leaving and you are not getting out. We just wait until one of us surrenders".

Several girls entered and left the bathroom while Kristen just waited outside Max's stall.

"Max, are you actually sitting in the toilet bowl?" She asked after what looked like hours to her but actually was more like ten minutes.

"I'm sitting on top of it, the lid is lowered".

"Still totally gross, you're gonna get an STD ... or worse".

"Come on, is clean enough".

"You better throw those pants away when you get home".

"Don't be ridiculous".

She couldn't came up with something else to say so she remain silent again for a few moments until she heard a a choked sob. Max was crying and she was trying to hide it from her friend.

"Are you crying".

"What if I am, it's none of your business," Max said in a nasal voice that betrayed her.

"WRONG, you're my friend I'm here with you, because of you, it's my business ... look, why don't you came here with me and tell me what's going on".

Max began to cry loudly, her breath breaking between sobs.

"Oh come on, what's wrong with you, you're hurting so much and we can't be of any help if you don't open up ... please".

"I ... I have been thinking lately ... thinking a lot. Things that have been in my head for a long time ... .Kristen I fucked up, I fucked up so badly ... it hurts so much .. I'm so fucked up .. I'm so selfish".

"Max it's OK. Just let it out, I'm here with you, tell me what's going on and we'll help you, stay calm".

"It's... it's... Chloe".

"Um ... Max?" Kristen asked after a moment of awkward silence.

"Yes?".

"Who's Chloe?".

Reality hit her like an armored truck. Her only friends in Seattle didn't even know who she was, she had kept Chloe away from everybody. Max felt the rage taking over her again and started kicking the stall door "I'm a fucking mess,... I hate ... I hate myself".

Kristen interrupted Max's explosion with a loud scream "ENOUGH with the kicks, enough with it all".

She stopped, startled by her friend's shout but after a moment of doubt paid her frustration again with the door.

"I SAID FUCKING ENOUGH WITH IT".

This time Max stopped for real, the only sound coming from her stall was her choked breath.

"We are lucky you are so un-strong, probably the door is not dented. They would have kicked us out and worse they would have made us pay the damage, I don't need to remember you that the three of us are virtually broken" Kristen stopped to take air "and what's wrong with your vocabulary, I've never heard you cussing so much".

"I'm sorry, I'm just so upset that all I do is kick and swear. I'm so clouded, I want to express myself, but my head goes so fast I don't know what to say, the only thing that comes to mind is the f . word .. I'm going to try and calm down a bit".

"It's okay, I help you, just like in first aid class, you remember? just try to breathe and relax…

breath ... in and out ..

again .. in ... and out …

feeling better already?".

"I guess so".

"So... about this girl, Chloe... right?".

"Yes".

"I'm going to need more details. It's totally news to me. I mean, I don't even know who she is and how it can be so important to you. You have never talk about her before".

"Chl .. well she .. I ...fuck. Just saying her name hurts .. fuck, fuck, fuck".

"Max, enough with the cussing, you're not like that at all".

"OK, OK, sorry about that".

Kristen listened as her friend repeated her breathing exercises until she was able to calm herself enough.

"She was my best friend, my only friend in Arcadia Bay we ... grew up together, we were so close ... We didn't part in good terms and I ... I never contacted her since I came here ... we haven't talked in 4 years".

"Oh my .. why would you do such a thing?".

"I was so selfish, so selfish ... anyway I have never stopped thinking about her, I mean like thinking about her ... every day. Lately I have realized that maybe it's not only friendship what I feel for her, and it's killing me, literally it's killing me".

"Whoa, that's one big issue ... and you didn't realize until now, 4 years later?".

Max began to cry again, totally overwhelmed by the situation, "how .. how could I know, I was only 13 when I moved to Seattle, I was too young".

"I don't even know what to say ... I think you should tell us the whole story. For sure there is a lot more about it and it means a lot to you".

"Right now it's probably the single most important issue in my life" Max interrupted.

"You realize that you just told me about a crucial part of your life locked up in a stall. Get out and let's talk with Fernando, he's like the soothing ninja".

Max finally opened the stall and came out looking at the floor. Kristen approached the embarrassed girl and lifted her face until both were at eye level "wash your face and let's get back, we'll help you figure this out".

While She was refreshing, Kristen checked the door and let out a relieved snort when she saw it wasn't visibly battered.

Max approached her friend and hugged her, sinking her head into the curve of the taller's girl neck and with that gesture, uncommon in a girl as reserved as her, she showed more appreciation than with any word she could have said.

When she released the hug, Kristen took her friend's hand and pulled it lightly, guiding her out of the bathroom.

Fernando was absently minded fiddling with his phone when the two girls returned to their table. Looking up at them he was surprised to see both girls holding hands "so serious?" he asked raising an eyebrow.

Kristen gently helped Max sit down and stroked her hair before answering him "I'd better go for a second round of coffee".

Fernando struck affectionately at Max's shoulder as he always did and gave her a warm smile. "I like you very much but you've always been some kind of an enigma to us, little Max, I guess some of that ends now".

She grimaced at him as she played nervously with a napkin.

Kristen returned after a few minutes with the coffees "espresso for everyone .. figures we are going to need the extra caffeine".

The three of them, in one of the gestures that inadvertently had become part of the popular imagery, lifted the plastic lid of their respective coffee and blew inside to cool it down before taking a couple sips.

"I guess I owe you two an explanation" Max said, feeling her friends gazing at her expectantly, "it's about time. This has been rotting inside me for way too long, it's been a painful process to reach this point".

Max paused for air. It was a significant moment for her, she surely had her diary but this was different. The time had come to be honest with herself in front of her friends.

"This won't come as a surprise, but I had problems making friends since.. always. I was very shy, much more than now and in front of other kids in class or wherever, I would just sat in a corner and said nothing. My parents were worried, teachers tried to sign me up for activities with other kids but I didn't connect with anyone. My parents used to go to this dinner in Arcadia Bay called the Two Whales, the waitress was called Joyce. She was very nice, always asked me how I was and for my order before my parents although I never answered and it was my parents who ordered for me. One day after the usual greetings instead of going to the kitchen with the order, she asked my parents if I had friends at school. It could be a rude question, but that woman, she had that spark that only some people have, she could ask anything and do it kindly.

I had to go through the shame of listening my parents telling her how I didn't had any friends, that I was very shy and they were a bit worried about it. Joyce said she was going to try to fix that. She turned around only to return a minute later with a little girl by her side. It turned out that she was her daughter, Joyce's husband worked long shifts and when they couldn't leave her with some uncle or aunt Joyce would take her to work and let her play around in the back.

She had long straight strawberry blond hair, pale skin and those blue eyes so full of life. She was a year senior to me, and even considering the age gap she was way taller that me. Although she didn't resemble her mother, she had the same... aura of ... kindness ... I don't know how to express it, there was something about that girl.. it was easy to like her.

Her name was Chloe.

Her mother introduced us and asked her to bring me out to play to the parking lot. Chloe nodded and offered me her hand. I don't remember it but my parents say it was the first time I didn't look at them before making a decision. I have been told that I looked at her and simply took her hand, letting her bring me outside".

Max put a hand to her face covering her mouth, her eyes watering. "Oh, fuck, I miss her so much, so much.. I miss her everyday".

Max grabbed a napkin and wiped her eyes. Her friends stood up but she raised her arm preventing them to comfort her with that gesture, "I'm fine, we've just started, I'll try to keep calm... That day when my parents told me is was time to go back home, I begged them to let me play with Chloe the day after. Joyce was also there and she insisted in inviting me to her house, my parents were so excited at the idea of me having a friend that it was an easy deal. The next day my parents drove me to Chloe's house. Since that day we became inseparables. I was a first grader when I met Chloe, until I moved to Seattle, she was my first and only friend.

We never talked about how we felt about each other, it was just natural for us to be together. After a while it was also for our parents and everyone around us as well.

Max paused for a moment thoughtfully. "She made me feel strong. When she was around I was not shy or afraid anymore ... being with her was like being home".

Fernando shifted in his chair, he was beginning to feel uncomfortable. He anticipated the story wasn't a happy one, not at all.

"With time we reached a point in which we spent together every weekend and holiday, mostly with sleepovers, at Chloe's, while we hung out on weekdays at my parents home. One way or the other we were always together. This Saturday morning I was 13. I had slept the night before at Chloe's house as usual. Her father, William, was cooking pancakes for us, we were probably messing around the house I can't remember exactly. Joyce called asking him to pick her up at the Two Whales because she had some groceries...He never reached the dinner. A truck didn't stop at a red light and run over him. He died instantly".

"Oh my God" Kristen said covering her mouth "it's horrible".

"Chloe adored her father, she was devastated. She locked herself in her room and refuse to eat or get out. She would only allow her mother or me inside. For a while I practically moved to her house. I went to school and straight to her after class. She asked me to just lie down and hug her, that was the only way she would stop crying and get some rest.

William was like a second father to me, he was one of the kindest human beings I've ever met. I miss him too.

I didn't know anything because my parents had hidden it from me, but long before William's accident they had started looking for jobs outside Arcadia Bay. My mother had not worked for some time and my father's work wasn't paying so much. For some time money had been tight at home although my parents had decided to keep me in the dark about it. My mother was offered a very well paid job in Seattle, it was a once in a lifetime opportunity and she accepted it. Because of what happened with William they couldn't find the right time to tell me. A week before the moving, they had no other chance but told me.

I know it was also hard for them and they didn't want to break my heart, still it was.. It shattered me at the deepest".

"Chloe was already better, I mean was it soon after the accident?" Fernando asked.

"It was too soon," Max clenched her fists angrily, "it was too fucking soon ... Either way it would never have been a good time to get away from Chloe. I couldn't believe it. I begged them to let me stay, but there was no way they would let her only child behind".

Max stopped at that moment and looked at her friends, she needed to exorcise her inner demons. Being honest about her mistakes felt like the right thing to do. "When I realized there was no way out, that I was moving to Seattle in a week time and I was not going to have Chloe by my side, I did what I regret the most in my life. I decided to remove her from my life.

I didn't visit or call her since that moment. I only agreed to visit Chloe the same day we were leaving, and it took all sort of pleas both from my parents and Joyce. My farewell was very cold and although she begged me to stay with her I simply told her to take care of herself and hoped for her to be OK. I have not spoken to her since that day".

Fernando, usually a laid back guy felt a lump in his throat and had to clear his voice a couple of times before he could ask Kristen "did you know about this?".

"no, it's horrible... how could you do such a thing?" she answered addressing her.

Fernando cut in, not giving Max a chance to answer her "I want to help you, we want to help you. But in order to do so I need to understand your reasons and honestly, right know, I can't. Honestly, why?".

"Out of selfishness, as simple as that. I thought that being apart, Chloe would eventually replace me. She would meet new friends and slowly she would care about me less and less, she would slip from me like sand between my fingers. I was terrified, I knew I couldn't bear it. She was all I had, she was all that mattered to me and I was going lo loose her. I pictured her letting me go over time and I knew it would emotionally shred me.

I thought if I removed her from my life right away it wouldn't be so painful. Not at the beginning of course, but with time... maybe I would get over her. I did it because I thought it would hurt less, it was all about my pain and my loss, not hers. As I said, pure egoism, no excuses".

"That same thing could have happened to you, you could also had made new friends in Seattle, you didn't think about that. Maybe she felt the same way about you". Fernando pointed out.

"No," Max replied immediately "Me forgetting about Chloe?...no. Even then I knew that if I kept in touch with her I'd never move on, that was the only thing I was so certain about. I couldn't make new friends, real friends, if she was in the picture. She was so full of life, so daring. Everything I wanted to be, she was and even more. Sweet, kind. At least she was for me. I would compare everybody with her... it just wouldn't work. The only option was for me to leave and forget completely about her, start from scratch or try at least".

He looked at Max with wide eyes, not truly believing what his friend was telling him "Anyway Arcadia Bay is not that far, you could go on vacations and weekends".

"You have to understand that I was 13 years old, Seattle seemed as far away as the other side of the world could be. I just thought I wouldn't be seeing Chloe every day, that was how I measured the distance between us. I didn't think of other options... besides I've always been very shy and scary, I pictured myself without the one person who made me feel safe and secure. I panicked. She was my rock, she was who made me smile... she simply was the best part of me".

"Oh fuck" Kristen intervened, her eyes red and her gaze sad, "oh fuck".

"Still, we're all connected today, no facebook?, no texts?" Asked Fernando trying to make sense of her friend.

"When I left neither of us had a cell phone, we were young and money was tight on both hour homes. We would only have called each other and we were together at all times, we didn't asked for one. As for Facebook, by the time I connected my computer in Seattle, Chloe had already unfriended me, I never send her a new request.

I had already made my mind. I knew it was going to be hard, very hard even. It turned out to be the understatement of the century. I was totally blocked, I wasn't able to do or feel anything, I just wanted to be locked in my room, away from the world. You know that part, what you don't know is that I was going to counseling and that my parents insisted in me hanging out with you guys".

Max stopped at that moment and took the hands of both her friends into hers, giving them a light squeeze "I had to force myself out of the house and hide my feelings. I had to pretend to be OK. With time, things gradually improved and I felt more and more comfortable around you. I will never be able to thank you enough for the patience you had with me... As for Chloe, that was a totally different story, things weren't improving. I kept thinking about her at all times, what she would be doing, with whom, every weekend .. time passed and that didn't change. I kept it secret but it was there. In counseling I was advised to write a diary to help me sort my thoughts. Sometimes I reread it and I realize that every entry, one way or another talks about her, . Everything revolves around her... and you know it's funny because I can't even write her whole name. I just use her initial because it hurts so much just to write her full name down".

"We've noticed you're quite prone to zone out." Kristen released her hand from Max's squeeze, sipping her coffee. "Is it Chloe? do you keep thinking about her?".

Max lowered her head in embarrassment, blushing slightly.

"Well, not all times ..

Just some times …

Maybe I think about her more than I don't …

Yeah probably more about her ..

Most of the times ... yes".

Max shook her head trying to get the thought out of her head "Some time ago I assumed that I was not going to get over her. I wasn't moving on. I had been seriously wrong it was an stupid idea from the beginning. It never worked and it never will".

"Why wouldn't you contact Chloe then, surely you could try the land line or Facebook" Fernando asked.

"Here's the thing, what I did was very selfish, I made a decision knowing I was going to hurt her. It has been years since I left Arcadia Bay, Chloe will surely have redone her life, will have friends, maybe even a boyfriend. I have no right to get back into her life after so long because I had realized that I can't forget her. Again it would be just about me... It's so not fair to her. I hurt her, I surely put her through a lot of pain and now I just try to contact her? What about her feelings? She's too important to me. I can't do that.. at least not like that. I won't make that mistake again, not to her.

If I do it, I have to make it count, I need to find a way to make it right for her... anyway it's more complicated".

"Even More?" Said Fernando with a grimace of disbelief.

"Yes.. Um... there's this thought that been haunting my head lately since I went to that date with Kristen".

"Ugh that date, not again, please," Kristen said.

"more specifically what we talked about the day after".

"You mean what I asked you about if you were .. you know ... gay".

" That made me think, and maybe… what I feel for Chloe might be more than just friendship".

"You like her?" The two friends asked at once.

"That's the thing... I'm not sure. It's hard to explain. A friendship that you can't get over after so many years with no contact has to mean something else. I'm quite sure about it. But I don't know if I like her, in the way of liking somebody"

Fernando moved in his chair again, Max was not used to seeing him so uncomfortable "now I'm totally lost, you have to help me here, how can you be not sure?".

"You have to understand that when my parents told me that we were moving I was 13 and I was already behind in social skills. My world was Chloe, my parents and hers...just Joyce when we moved. With the rest of kids at school we were classmates and nothing else. I would go to birthdays and celebrations but I wasn't very communicative. The point is that when I realized what was happening I was frozen, I removed Chloe for my life out of pure fear but I didn't get to process many things, to evolve, I was in shock, paralyzed, I couldn't think or feel, I ... I ... Fernando, you always have the right word for every occasion, help me here".

"Numb?".

"Sure, that's it, numb, thank you. It's hard for me to say it openly, but I'm totally retarded as far as social skills are concerned. I thought it was going to be Chloe and I forever, I took her for granted ... My world collapsed and regarding some aspects in my personality my biological clock stopped at that point. I'm still the same frightened 13 year old girl. Of course I watched movies and read and the internet. I know about love and stuff, but all I can think of is Chloe, so I'm not sure of what I feel because I don't know how I should interpret my feelings.

Holding hands, cuddling, all that I've done with Chloe and I'd give anything to be able to do it again, but we were small kids and it was and act of simple caring and friendship. Kristen said those are the things you want to do with someone you love. I don't think about kissing or anything else beyond that. I haven't reached that point yet, I don't think about it in general and I don't think about it regarding Chloe, so I have no clue were I'm standing.

Except that I want Chloe back so bad... It's so confusing".

Max felt his mouth dry after so much talking, she stopped for a second to sip some coffee, her palms were sweaty although the temperature of the room was nice. "And..well, that brings us here and my epic meltdown, Fernando, how's the guy I pushed?"

"Oh, he just left, we apologized on your behalf, and he walked away. That was quite unexpected from you".

"I'm sorry guys, that was way out of line".

"It's okay, we got to see your inner tiny Hulk, Max Banner".

Max laughed at his joke "about my outburst, you know I've been doing a lot of thinking last week. While I was locked in the stall, I concluded that I must do something with my life. I have been trapped, fleeing from myself and angry. I don' t want to keep living like this. I know it's all my fault, but I must try to fix it somehow. I was sitting there and I knew that was it.

I've been gathering information for some time, looking for options, and there's this photography course at Blackwell Academy in Arcadia Bay. It's not the best program but it is among the good ones. The professor is Mark Jefferson who is a photographer that I admire. It's a private academy and it's very expensive, but I'm going to apply for full scholarship. This is my top priority from now on. I'm going to try to go back to Arcadia Bay".

Kristen and Fernando looked at their friend, both startled. Kristen was the first to speak. "Max, are you going to go to Arcadia Bay without saying anything to Chloe? She might not even live there anymore or maybe she doesn't want to see you, I mean I hope not, but have you thought it could be a wrong move?".

"I appreciate your concern, but it won't be worse than these 4 years. A phone call, a letter, even a weekend visit, that wouldn't make it. Maybe my friendship with Chloe is broken beyond repair, but I need to know. Being in Arcadia Bay at least is an starting point, I could try to reconnect with her over time.. If she doesn't want to see me again then at least I'll know. Maybe I need shock therapy and face the truth so I can move on. Even if she doesn't live there anymore I'll try to find her.

I really don't have a plan as such, just go there and try to find out about Chloe, then I'll see what I can do. It's not a great plan, but it's my plan, it took me 4 years to make a decision and I can wait a little longer. In any case, photography is what I always wanted to do as a career and leaving my comfort zone will help me to further break my shell. Going there and facing my past is my choice for better or worse".

"What about your... feelings for Chloe?" Kristen asked with a concerned voice.

"I ... I ... honestly I want Chloe back in my life above anything. I don't know if she would want to see me again and even if she does it won't be like before. Everything beyond that is out of any consideration now. Just knowing that I can call her and she would answer me, hearing her voice again, that would be.. wowsers. I need to sort my thoughts before consider something else... Anyway that's for next year and I need a scholarship so I better not think ahead of time. Now I have a defined objective and I'm going to focus on it"

Max got up and hugged her friends one after the other , thanking them and apologizing for everything

"There is no need for so many thank yous and sorries. Once in Blackwell being the official cool hipster of the academy you have to remove that habit "said Kristen amicably.

Max saw that Fernando was looking at her smirking. Immediately she knew that her friend was plotting something "Okay, tell me. You're waiting for me to ask you what's in your mind, don 't you?".

"Our little Max just had an epiphany".

"English please".

"An epiphany it's like a revelation, the sudden realization of something with complete clarity, Like Newton with the apple or Archimedes in the bath shouting eureka".

"Newton with the apple, Archimedes and eureka and Max Caulfield locked in a bathroom stall, three examples of epiphany through history. And all that just because some random guy spilled his coffee in my lap, oh come on".

The big guy continued with his mocking tone "when you become a famous photographer your wikipedia page will explain in full detail, I can already imagine _in 2012 Mrs Caulfield was having a coffee with her friends Kristen and gorgeous Fernando when a random guy spilled his venti caramel frapuccino over Mrs Caulfield. That same day, realizing she wanted a change in her life she decided to apply to Blackwell academy starting a career that would eventually lead her to international stardom_ ".

"Seriously, stop laughing at me" she said while laughing herself "besides, that beverage would not ever qualify as coffee in many countries outside the US".

The three friends laughed at their shenanigans, releasing the tension of the long conversation. When the laughter ceased Fernando asked Max. "What now?"

Max looked at her friends with a mischievous grin drawn on her face.

"Now .. I wanna get drunk".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always I try to knot the canon events in the game with this story so that's how I imagine Max deciding to apply for Blackwell.  
> To me it's quite clear that Chloe being in Arcadia Bay was the ultimate reason for Max to come back.  
> I also thought that at some point Max told Kristen and Fernando about Chloe.  
> Some grunting about my roomba not getting back to the dock and frapuccinos.  
> Another cliffhanger at the end.  
> You remember those nights you went out with friends and they were so drunk but you were so majestically sober.  
> Big news, you were probably as drunk as them.  
> I don't like to give spoilers to my own work but I'll make an exception.  
> Next chapter is called the Fremont Troll, it's going to be a long one and well.. you'll see.  
> Hope you all like this chapter and feel free to comment or review or ask anything, it actually helps a lot.


	7. The Fremont Troll

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max wants to get drunk... and she does.  
> How the infamous Fremont Troll picture was taken.  
> Max has the absolutely worst idea when she came back home totally drunk, and we get to know where her distaste for beer comes from.

**March 31, 2012. Afternoon.**

"Now .. I wanna get drunk".

Kristen and Fernando looked at their friend in astonishment. The small and shy Max had revealed herself as a bottomless box of surprises. Discovering that their friend's whole universe revolved around a friend/more than a friend they had never heard of, seemingly, wasn't her last trick.

Kristen, still not out of her amazement, was the first to speak "Max, I understand that it's been a very hard day for you. I can't even fathom what it must have been to carry this pain inside you for so long and not sharing it with anyone, I really ... I don't think I could have handled it.. but don't you think we've had enough emotions already. Just call it a day, go home, rest and tomorrow we'll talk about it".

She spoke trying that her inner turmoil didn't affect her words "I know you care a great deal about me, you both have proven that over and over and honestly I feel like I didn't deserve that much. But you are right, you can't imagine how this feels, this ... constant craving for so long, this itching inside me. I can't go home and sleep, not now. I need to forget about it just for tonight, I wanna get hammered and just don't care, don't think ... For once I don't want to be the ... the ... shy cliché geek that I am... I want to do stupid things like everybody does and I want you with me, guys, nobody else I rather do this with".

Max grabbed the hands of her two friends before adopting a pleading tone "I've been emotionally stuck for years, now I might be getting my life on the right track again... but all that begins tomorrow, today I just want to have fun with my friends, please".

Fernando narrowed his eyes at her "don't do that".

"Do what?".

"puppy eyes, you are using your, and I quote, your _shy cliché geek_ wiles on us".

"No way" answered Max using an offended tone " I don't think I could do that even if I wanted to".

Kristen let go of the other girl's hand in one pull "There were some obvious puppy eyes there".

"Oh, come on, not you... you've seen me in action, I don't know how to play this game".

"You're right, you are quite clumsy at it but, hey, maybe you have it inside you. Work on it, let it flow... who knows, maybe before you know it you have a lot of Blackwell bros at your feet" she smirked at Max who in turn rolled her eyes.

"Sure, I' ll find some cute skater boy to fix my broken heart".

"I guess that would be plan B, no?" Kristen kept teasing her friend.

Anyway" Fernando intervened "have you thought about it, we are underaged and we are going to be so totally carded in any store. Besides raiding one of our parents liquor cabinet I guess we don't have many options".

Max tentatively looked at Fernando "I think I have an idea... but you might not like it.. um... don't you have an older brother? He could, maybe, buy booze for us".

"No fucking way" immediately jumped Kristen "not in a thousand years, he is totally gross".

"Oh, please, he can't be that bad, as Fernando said we don't have any other options".

"You don't know him, ask his own brother".

Fernando snorted loudly "well, what can I say, let's leave it in that he is peculiar. Peculiar in the awkward sense, not that he is bad person or anything, I mean he is harmless but difficult to bear with... it´s difficult to explain".

"Please, I need a serious break from myself, I need this".

"Truth is if you really want to get booze, my brother is not a bad idea at all, he's probably the easiest option. I can call him and ask him to buy us some beers".

"I can't believe you're even considering this, Fernando" growled Kristen, "He's gonna play us one way or the other".

"You think he'll be available?" Max asked.

He scratched his head thoughtfully in a theatrical and intentionally exaggerated gesture "Um, let me think... Saturday afternoon? ... yes, he'll surely be at home in front of the keyboard spreading his word online... and I mean his own word".

"Or jerking off" Kristen pointed out with evident disgust.

"Yeah, most likely".

Max had heard about Fernando's brother in unenthusiastic terms but she found it difficult to conciliate that depiction "I'm not saying you are not right, but it's hard to believe.. you're a such a calm and sweet person, how can your brother be so different?".

"My parents sometimes joke about that the first time was a failed experiment. He's not a bad person but he's strange. He spends his free time writing absurd theories on his blog about almost everything, and posting in many different sites, he calls it spreading his word. He knows a great deal about many things but he gets not real use of it outside posting in the internet. For instance, he chose going to college in Seattle so he could still live home with our parents and not bothering with house chores, he does that kind of stuff".

"And he jerks off a lot" insisted the taller girl concluding the conversation.

Max didn't say anything else but her body language clearly indicated that she was waiting for an answer in one way or another.

Fernando looked expectantly at Kristen until she made a slight node as all answer.

"I'm going to call him, see if he can meet us. Wait right here" he finished his coffee in one long gulp and took off while dialing on his phone.

"You seriously owe me for this".

"I owe you for so many things Kristen".

"These years have been amazing." She paused, her gaze lost. "You know I'll miss you, right?".

"I don't know if I'll be accepted in Blackwell, it's too early to talk about that".

"Something tells me that tonight marks a point of no return for us three. You told us how much this girl means to you and I'm sure you'll find your way to get her back in your life" Kristen felt a lump in her throat as her eyes reddened "I believe in you, tiny Max,... do your thing and make us proud".

Max opened her mouth but words refused to come out. Perfectly timed, Fernando returned phone still in his hands and all their attention turned towards him.

He sit back in his chair before addressing his two friends with a neutral face "So this is a good news/bad news situation. I'm going with the good news first.. he's coming right now and he'll get drinks for us" he turned to Kristen with a grimace of discomfort "the bad news is that he's got one condition.. he's hanging out with us tonight".

"Ha" She yelled pointing her right index to Max "I told you, I told you".

"I couldn't dodge that bullet, he said that we could use someone ... more ... more seasoned... he defined himself as seasoned" Fernando tried to explain.

"Did you tell him Max was with us?".

"Yes .. I mean, how couldn't I? it's not like we can hide her or something. He also insisted in why it was so important that it was tonight so I told him about Max needing a night out, not feeding him into details".

"Of course, he wasn't going to miss a chance like this" Kristen put a hand on Max's shoulder while laughing mockingly "you hit the jackpot. He'll be all over you, congratulations" She covered her mouth trying to suppress the laughter invading her "for sure tonight you'll need to get drunk".

"Kristen you are scaring me".

"Don't worry, nothing scary, but he'll make a move on you sooner or later. We can't stand each other and he has no interest in hanging out with Fernando, only reason for him to come is you... You've got yourself a prince charming for the night" Kristen and Fernando chuckled while Max simply shrugged.

Half an hour later, after calling home and inform their respective parents that they were having dinner and a sleepover in each other houses, the three friends were waiting in the parking lot of a 7/11 for Fernando's brother. A gray nondescript-looking car entered the parking. Kristen made a sardonic grimace as she saw the car while putting an arm over her friend and directed her toward the car. "Here comes your knight in shining armor".

The first thing that caught Max's attention was that Fernando's brother hair and skin color was lighter than his. He had explained her that his father was a university professor and he enrolled in a program that involved him teaching for several years in a centroamerican country whose name Max couldn't recall. There he met Fernando's mother, they married before settling back in Seattle where both Fernando and his brother were born. His father infused both his sons with the love of reading and a general curiosity towards many subjects so Fernando was quite resourceful when it came to general knowledge.

Fernando's brother was not handsome, not that Max cared about it but she couldn't help thinking that he was uglier than his brother and definitely didn't posses that inner peace that seemed to radiate from her friend. As for the rest he seemed quite normal at first glance, big as Fernando, maybe a little more stuffed.

"Hi, Miss. My name is Chad, you must be Max who I've heard so much about".

Chad had gotten out of the car and made a beeline to Max, totally ignoring his brother and letting out an indignant snort as he crossed paths with Kristen without looking at her.

"Um, hi, yes, I'm Max ... I definitely prefer Max, this Miss thing... I'm not used to it".

"As you wish, however, I would hate myself if I let go the opportunity to point out that a bit of chivalry never hurts. These new modes lead us to forget basic aspects of human relationships. I myself am not against the new technologies at all, in fact I have a blog I would dare to say moderately successful and actively contribute in various forums but I miss those times when elegance was a preponderant value in society".

Max stared at Chad with wide eyes, the absurdity of his words had left her completely disarmed. Kristen, who after the infamous date she shared with her friend knew that she had a tendency to freeze under situations of social stress, came to the rescue "Come on Chad, leave your lessons for your internet followers, we came here just to have fun and drink a few beers. Do not overwhelm Max with your gallantry".

"And of course here is Kristen, my brother's chaste other half, the girl with an attitude. I'm glad to see you" and everyone noticed the irony of that last sentence.

"Me neither, but here we are, seems like we are stuck together for the night, thanks to you".

"Let it go, you two. Max wanted a night out and Chad agreed to buy the drinks for us. Let's try to get along, at least for tonight... everybody is fine with that?" Fernando used his most pacifying tone, and as usual, he had the desired result.

Max had always wondered what it must be like to influence people around you to calm down just like he did. Kristen was of the same opinion but the only time they had seriously asked him, Fernando said he was not aware of it and he said so with total sincerity.

That night Max gave it serious thought.

That same night she wondered if Chloe had realized the effect she had on her, how she made her forget her shyness and how she felt much more secure when they were together. She also wondered if she would have any effect on Chloe, dismissing that thought immediately. Being the way she was, there was no chance she could influence someone as lively as her friend.

But that night was several years in the past, and tonight, Max just thought about the future.

She took out her purse from the messenger bag that accompanied her everywhere and produced two twenties that she handed without too much ceremony to Chad. "Drinks are on me" Max proudly proclaimed before turning to her two friends chuckling "you know, I always wanted to say that. It looks so cool in the movies".

Kristen raised her eyebrows as she looked at her friend "Flashing bills like there is no tomorrow, are we?".

"Actually I always carry this money with me, it's like an emergency fund ... I had never had to use it before. Now it seems the right occasion".

Fernando shook his head, _weird day, really weird day_.

"I'm going with Chad, as long as he shows his ID, we'll be fine . I think we should get some beers, Kristen? Max?".

"Yeah, I'm totally down with beer, you?".

"Um...Sure".

Chad tucked the bills into his jean's "any brand in particular?" he asked looking straight at Max.

Kristen glanced at her friend inquisitively, Max blushed and looked away from them while muttering "um ... actually ... any one will do it... I'm not very familiar beer types of beers or specific brands".

Kristen glanced at her suspiciously "Max, tell me this is not your first time drinking".

"Well... once when I was living in Arcadia Bay, Chloe and I stole a bottle of wine from her mother, I didn't get to drink much because I spilled on the dinning room carpet... apart from that, not really".

"This is going to be more fun than I thought" Chad said as he turned and headed to the store.

A few minutes later the two brothers returned with a paper bag, while they handed over the change, Max peeked to see the contents of the bag and was surprised to discover they only bought two six-pack.

As if he was reading her mind, Fernando opened 3 beers and offered one to Kristine "It's only three of us drinking, and that's counting you" he said while giving Max another beer and keeping the third one for himself "let's go to the back alley and drink the first one while we decide where to go".

The group moved to an alley situated in the back area of the store, away from prying eyes. Luckily the alley was well lit and the smell was within the threshold of tolerance considering the few options available. Fernando found some steps leading to a closed warehouse and sat on the top tier, leaving the bag aside. Max sat a couple of steps below, leaving enough room for her friend to spread his legs. Chad who was a few footsteps behind tried to overpass Kristen clearly with the intention of sitting next to her but Kristen had guessed his intentions and efficiently blocked him using her hip "Ups, my bad, hadn't seen you" she said before sitting next to Max and pointing to some spot next to Fernando "Chad, sit down and have a beer, enjoy the night".

"You know I don't drink" Chad growled as he reluctantly sat down next to his brother "also I'm the one driving".

Kristen lifted her drink high while placing her hand on the other girl's shoulder "Max, what are we toasting to?".

She thought for a few seconds "for friends?" she said hesitantly.

Kristen used her hand already on Max's shoulder to tighten her grip, pulling her friend towards herself "lame, very lame, not a good toast at all.. let me do it" She stood up and jumped down to the street level, she raised her bottle facing the rest of the group and intensely staring into Max's eyes "to the people we don´t want to forget ... and to Max not forgetting us" she immediately drank almost half of her beer in one gulp "that was a bit corny, still, better that yours...and now, enough with the mushy stuff. We have only one mission tonight, let'ssdrink ourselves into oblivion".

Max felt a disgusting chill when the first sip of beer went down her throat, _it's so bitter, but I can't chicken out now_.

Fernando was watching his friend closely, anticipating her first reaction "drink and don't think about it, you'll get used to the bitter taste".

She took a couple more sips trying to swallow as much as she could in each one. She thought about getting drunk as soon as possible avoiding the taste.

Her friends were drinking while chatting cheerfully and both of them seemed to like the taste of their drink, Chad was the only one who refused the booze. "Hey, don't you ever drink?" Max asked casually.

Chad reacted to the sudden attention, puffing up his chest like a turkey before speaking in a self important voice "I don't usually drink, I consider myself a good conversationalist and I prefer to keep my mind sharp... you see, you never know when you might come across somebody with an attractive intellect, better not get drunk and miss the chance".

Kristen finished her first beer with another long swallow and opened another one before answering Chad "a simple yes or no would have made it, you don't need to turn each sentence into a speech for posterity".

On cue, Fernando stood up "Max, hurry up, finish your beer and we'll go somewhere else before these two get their claws at each other".

In the time Max took to finish her beer, Kristen had time to annihilate her second beer and get in a couple of arguments with Chad before proposing to go to the Fremont Troll. She had already gone a couple of times with her friends, but it seemed a place as good as any other.

While walking back to the car, Kristen who was already feeling funny, approached Max and whispered in her ear "little Max, in this situation it' s a good idea for us to sit both on the back seat. Tonight yes, the other night, no. You get it?".

Max who was also starting to feel the alcohol couldn't avoid giggling before asking her "what's up with the two of you?".

"I can't stand him, he is pretentious douchebag. He thinks he's an intellectual but nobody listens to his bullshit except for his internet groupies. He seriously needs to get laid and blow some steam off..speaking of which... you can bet your money he's putting all his charms on you".

"No way, I don´t think I'm his kind of girl".

"Any girl is his kind of girl, just wait and you'll see".

The parking was poorly lit. Max failed to see there was something in the back seat before she jumped on the car "what's this?" she said startled to notice that she had sat on something. She quickly removed what felt like a cardboard box and examined it "Chad, I think I've sat on top of a ... um .. box of latex gloves ... I've squashed it a bit...let me see.. no major damage though, sorry".

"Give me that right away." Chad turned at lightning speed and snatched the box from Max's hands depositing it in the glove compartment. Fortunately for them, she didn't notice the blush that appeared in Chad's face... and Fernando's who knew perfectly well what were the latex gloves for.

The car drive to the Troll went smoothly except for some crossed comments between Chad and Kristen about the former's driving skills. They found a parking place a couple blocks from the point of destination. On their way to the statue Chad took advantage of the fact that Kristen and Fernando were walking a little behind him to approach Max and ask her "I've been wanting to meet you for a while ... but let's start at the beginning, what's your story?" he said in his peculiar style.

"Nothing special, I was born in a small town in Oregon, my parents moved to Seattle about 4 years ago, I was in the same class with your brother and Kristen, I got lucky enough that they were assigned to help me catching up... not much more" she shrugged ending her story.

She couldn't help thinking that Kristen was right about Chad. It wasn't what he said but the way he said it. Everything about him looked a bit creepy, nonetheless, they could buy the drinks only because of him so for that reason Max felt a bit forced to give him conversation. "what about you?".

"I study Medieval History here in Seattle and when I finish I would like to teach in some university, I'm also very active on the Internet, I have a personal blog that covers many subjects and I regularly post on diverse forums... I would say my opinion is very valued".

The alcohol was making effect on her and she felt uninhibited "the internet?... and what about real life, you don't have friends...like real friends, you don't hang out with them?" it came out blunter than Max intended to and it was fair enough that Chad replied a bit sulkily.

"Of course I do. What?..you see me as an hermit. Sorry to disappoint you but not at all. I have many friends from college and we do hang out, but when your opinion is in high esteem you must assume responsibilities and fulfill happens to me in the many forums I post and that takes a lot of time ... anyway, enough of me, do you like life in Seattle?".

"Well, it's not bad, it's not comparable to small town life".

"Do you have friends, I mean other than them?".

"Only them, honestly".

"no boyfriend? Surely you have a lot of guys waiting at your door?".

"Not really" Max replied nonchalantly without realizing where the conversation was going.

"Well.. you see.. if you want we can hang out sometime.. I can get you out for dinner or something".

Max looked at Chad in horror. There was a huge age gap between them, Chad was already in college. Just for that reason it was already a doubtful proposal but in Max's eyes that came out nowhere, they had only exchanged a few words.

"Um ... that would be quite inappropiate ... I don't think so".

Throughout the brief conversation Kristen had kept an eye on them. She was sure that at some point Chad would make a move on Max, and although she could not hear the conversation by the looks of both of them, she could easily deduce what had happened. Standing a few steps back, she raised her voice so that they could hear her "Hey Chad, leave her alone, you don't stand a chance".

He turned around with daggers in his eyes "mind your own affairs".

"Defend my friend from a creepy pervert like you is my own affair, besides, you don't really stand a chance ... if only you knew".

"Kristen, stop it!" Max yelled angrily, cutting off her friend.

She immediately take notice of her mistake and accelerated her pace until she was next to her friend "shit, I'm sorry, I'm already half drunk and my brain-mouth filter is offline I shouldn't have teased him that way".

"Surely you shouldn't have done it. That was for your ears only, you are not supposed to divulge my secrets".

"I know I know, he just knows how to push my buttons... oh fuck I feel horrible now".

Max leaned towards her friend and whispered in her ear "You should feel bad indeed, fair punish for your friendship sins.. anyway you're still my friend" she kissed her on the cheek and noticed how Kristen's blushed immediately not expecting such a display of affection from the usually self-contained Max.

She pulled her friend's arm asking her to linger a little while indicating Fernando to go ahead with Chad "Listen Max, I wanted to ask you one thing ... privately".

"Whatever you want, you already know that".

Kristen ran her hands over her face and neck in a gesture that betrayed her nervousness, her cheeks were red and her eyes were glazed, there was no doubt that she was already quite drunk.

"I don't know how to ask you this ... look ... I mean ... do you think I'm beautiful?".

Max looked at her with wide eyes and could only stutter a few words "I...I...what do you mean?".

Her friend realized her reaction and hurried to try and fix the situation "Not like that Max...oh fuck, for sure tonight I keep fucking up..look... what I'm trying to tell you is that everything you've told... fuck... it´s all so amazing in a good-bad sense... how you feel about your friend and the truth ... the truth is that I'm somehow jealous".

"But not...not... about me" Max asked absolutely scared.

"No, not about you, I mean by now you would have noticed, right?".

"I think so .. well.. you know I'm like the walking definition of oblivious, maybe you've been in love with me for years sending me signals and I haven't realized".

The two friends laughed and it eased the discomfort of the moment, after a few seconds of laughter Kristen returned to the subject "The thing is that I'm sure no one has ever felt that way about me and hearing you talk about Chloe... fuck... you adore that girl. I would like so much for someone to feel that way about me at some point".

"You can't seriously say such a thing, I know you're already drunk, but come on, this is a shitty situation".

Kristen looked down at the ground avoiding Max's gaze "think about Chloe, when you get to tell her, how she will feel...like the most special person in the world... I'm already jealous".

She shook her head while a mask of sadness painted on her face "I'm not going to tell her ...at least not until the right time comes and only if, and depending on how things went down between us. Being sincere, right now I think I would never get the chance to tell her… she will never know".

"I don't understand, How can you... not tell her, you ... are you just going to let it go, after everything you've been through?".

Max continued shaking her head "No ... I've thought about it many times and ... no. Chloe has surely remade her life ... for all I know she might have like the dreamiest boyfriend ever.. What can I get by telling her? Do you really think she will feel special? Think about it, she'll think I'm crazy for not contacting her and being so head over heels for her, or she'll hate me... I just don´t know how she will react. I don´t want to guilt-trip her because of my feelings... Things don't work like that... If she ever is going to have me back in her life, or like me, I want it to be because of me. I don't want her pity… I just want her".

Max stopped a second looking for the right words, those words being "I'm going to get another beer".

She took a long swallow without thinking about the bitter taste" In the end it all boils down to the same. I have almost destroyed myself and I have hurt the most important person in my life because I was selfish ... not anymore . If the right time doesn't come and I can't tell her how much I care for her, so be it ... Chloe comes first".

Kristen looked at her friend with admiration but Max continued shaking her head. "And don't, Kristen, don't be jealous or think it's something to envy. This ... This ... it would be very easy to say that it has broken my heart, but that wouldn't even be close to describing it. It has ruined my life, it has torn me apart from the inside out ... I don't know how to behave with boys, I don't even know if I like boys or girls because I can only think about a person, and emotionally I'm still the same 13 year old girl that left Arcadia Bay .. Come on, I'm not even sure if I love Chloe because I don't know what is love".

Max covered her face with her hands while trying to hold back the tears already watering her eyes "thank dog my parents didn't choose the easy way. I could be a total nut job, pilled up in a daily basis, but they choose the hard path, patience, really caring about their daughter and not delegating the problem to a shrink. If it wasn't for them, and also for the both of you… I don't want to think where I would be right now".

Kristen hugged her friend tightly, in fact as she wasn't in full control of her body, she hugged her TOO strongly.

"I can't breath".

"Sorry, right now my reflexes are not too sharp".

"I don't have much experience in this ... shit, I have no experience at all. I wanted was to get drunk to forget...like... you see what I just said about Chloe having a boyfriend, well I hope so, and he surely has to be...perfect to match her, and I hope she has him and she is happy, but thinking about her with somebody… I just have this big lump in my stomach… and I just want to...not think...just for one night, are you supposed to talk about deep things when you are drunk?".

Kristen gave another long sip to her beer "you see, alcohol makes you think you're going to say things that really matter, it makes you think you're... I don't know... intellectual, while the fact is all you are saying is probably nonsense... it's a momentary phase".

"Intellectual, as if you were Chad, you know Sir Chad of the Holy Grail" Max couldn't avoid a fit of laughter "I mean, Medieval History .. I have met the more virgin person on earth besides me".

"I don't think he's getting laid anytime soon" she chuckled.

"No, for sure.. anyway enough with the mockery about Chad's nonexistent sexual life. What shall we do to move from the phase of deep thoughts and absolute truth to the phase of not thinking".

Kristensmiled with her face flushed and not because of the shame "that, everybody knows, ... drink more".

"Amen to that" Max looked at her beer hopefully, before giving a long drink before she couldn't help but laugh at her own occurrence "wait ... I think I have another name for our friend ...drum roll please…. Leeeeroy Jerkins".

"That's and old one, but I think it's Jenkins".

"Yes.. but no, Jerkins, you know, like his favorite hobby".

Kristen choked on her laughter and Max had to hit her in the back "easy, easy, we don't want you to choke ... imagine the explanation that Sir Chad would give the police, they'll probably shoot him just to make him shut up".

"Stop it," the other girl said between laughs, "just stop it".

"Let's gather with the others, let's get this show started".

Max was finishing her second beer when she realized that, more than likely, she was drunk. It was difficult for her to keep balance and her speech was difficult, but the most evident symptom was that when she thought about Chloe she didn't feel anxiety burning inside her.

Max watched her friends and thought that, after all, you get drunk as you live. Kristen was more talkative and she was all over the place, you could see from miles away that she was drunk. Fernando surely had gulped down more alcohol than her but you wouldn't tell, nothing about him denoted it, he was as calmed as ever. In a moment of lucidity, Max thought that Kristen was right. That night marked a turning point. Max purposely avoided thinking about everything that brought her there, instead another idea was wandering in her mind. Her friends from Seattle. If she managed to return to Arcadia Bay as she intended, she would miss them.

"We're going to take a picture" Max pulled Fernando's arm who was leaning against a wall talking to his brother "I want a memento of tonight".

She took out the camera from her bag, the Polaroid that her father bought her years ago. Before offering it to Chad, she weighed it in her hands "Chad, would you mind taking a picture of us" she said in a doughy voice "please be extra careful with the camera... it has a sentimental value for me".

Chad snorted as he was offended but took the camera, after Max's refusal they hadn't talked much but at least she wasn't angry at her.

"See, it works like this, you shoot with this button and the photo comes out here" She was all no bullshit allowed when it came down to photography "it's of critical importance that you get a good frame, and put the camera straight, look I adjust the light and keep in mind ...".

"OK, OK, I got it, it's just a picture, right?".

Max hesitated a second and decided to let it go. She was lacking enough mental clarity to explain to someone with such a high idea of himself that it wasn't, that _it's just a picture_ was not an acceptable term for her. Max explained her friends how to compose the photo, "Fernando on it's right hand and Kristen and I in the left hand, the upper frame should finish just where the head of the sculpture ends, perhaps cut a little on elbow end's and the Volkswagen...yeah, that'll make it, and Kirsten could poke at the troll's eye " All those instructions were gunned out without hesitation.

Chad's jaw dropped and he looked from the tiny girl to the camera alternately before asking his brother "he takes photography seriously?" although it didn't sound like a question.

"Seriously indeed".

Max's plan began to fail from the moment that Fernando slipped several times trying to climb the sculpture, his balance was really affected and once he was in his place he realized that it was difficult to stand still in such an unstable state. The girls didn't have better luck, Kristen even fell from the statue and landed on her buttocks. Chad tried to make a couple of photos but they were no good, the subjects weren't still and it was all a blurry fuzz. Anticipating that he was going to spend the whole film without taking a good shoot Max tried to put some order. "Fernando, lean on the sculpture and try to maintain balance, Kristen, position yourself behind me, poke the eye and take advantage of the extra balance you can get from it".

"Should I shot already?" Chad insisted.

"No, wait a second, don´t move the camera around you are missing the frame".

Fernando leaned on the troll, but his strength failed and he slipped away, fortunately he was able to recover his step before falling deciding that it was best to sit down.

"Don´t sit " Max said anguished, "it doesn't look good, I want a picture not a still life".

"And what should I do, I can't stand still, I'm too drunk".

"You guys ready, Do I shoot already?".

"let me think".

"Should I poke the eye or more like leaning on it?".

"wait a minute".

"I don't think I'm feeling that well, I'm gonna sit down for a while while you sort it out".

"don't sit".

"I think I might have moved the camera too much".

As expected, they were all talking at the same time and nobody was listening. Max was freaking out.

"STOP IT" Her scream got the rest of her friends attention.

"Fernando, if you can't stand, squat and balance yourself leaning one hand on the troll, can you hold that position?".

" I think so, wait ... good?".

"Yes, try to hold on a little, Kristen you're fine like that, that arm... on your waist to harmonize the posture, and I think I'm going to sit down to balance the picture".

"Hey, I know it's your game, but why is it that you can sit down and I'm not allowed" Fernando protested heavily.

"Because of balance we can't have a subject on one side sitting and two other subjects on the opposite side standing, anyway I'm not going to sit down, look at me... like this ... you see the louts position".

"That's not the lotus" Kristen muttered.

"That's the best I can do in this state without getting entangled, it'll have to do".

"Can I shoot already?".

"Be careful with the camera, you're handling it the wrong way, don´t drop it please" Max turned slightly to her friend "fuck, look how Chad handles the camera, I'll have to clean it thoroughly with sanitizer once he's finished".

Kristen burst out laughing, totally losing her posture which led Chad to protest angrily "can't you hold it for a second?... first Max with her obssessive indications and then you, stop fooling around".

"Excuse me" Kristen said, once she returned to pose she couldn't help but smirk and mumbled to her friend "surely that's the hand with which Jerkins makes his art, think about it when you take a picture again".

Max could hardly hold the laugh, she breathed deeply a couple of times and shouted "we're done, count up to 3 aloud and shoot, nobody moves now".

"Finally" Chad protested. "There we go... 3 ... 2 ... 1 .. and.. done".

The three friends climbed down ungracefully from the Troll and gathered around Chad who immediately handed the camera to Max. She took it with some apprehension and put it away in her messenger bag after picking up the photo and shaking it.

Max knew that there was no need to shake the photo, in fact it was advised not to. That habit came from the first time she returned to Jeff's shop to buy instant film. He insisted on teaching her a few tricks to improve her technique, Jeff made that gesture but that was just because he was used to the old original Polaroid cameras in which it was recommended. Max unconsciously copied that gesture and by now it was more than probably an habit that would accompany her as long as she shoot with instant cameras.

She showed the photo to her friends. Kristen and Fernando, almost at the same time asked for it, but Max refused, "this one is a keeper" She looked up at her two friends "I want to always remember tonight ... and you …".

A few beers later Chad checked his watch before claiming his brother attention "It's late, there is no more beer and you're all very drunk, let's go home".

"Boooring," Max babbled. By then the smaller girl was the one most affected by alcohol, not only it was her first time drinking but she also weighted much less than her other friends. After some tug of war game between Max and the rest of friends, she was _convinced_ to get in the car, It only took a few runs after her (she tried to escape , beer in hand, a couple of times) and some light tackling (she insisted she could beat the hell out of them with the self defense classes she took at school) finally the two boys managed to drag her into the car while she shouted that alcohol was the humanity best invention since fire and that she felt like a _fucking astronaut._

Everybody agreed on driving Max first.

Once they were close enough to Max's house Chad announced his plan "I'm not even killing the engine, we drop her out of the car and we are getting out of here".

"No way," Kristen protested angrily "you better stop the car I'll walk her to the door she is in no shape to go by herself".

"I've said no".

"Oh come on, you're the adult here and you behaving like the most irresponsible".

"That's why, because I'm the adult, you realize that if their parents see us they are going to blame us,.. to blame me. I'm not taking any risks, not for her ... we're already here... Max, come on, hurry up, get out of the car".

Max was already unbuckling when Kristen got hold of her arm while she leaned towards Fernando and whispered in his ear "you take care of your brother, I make sure Max gets home safe ... tag team effort".

Fernando smiled and pounced on his brother, using his body to immobilize him while removing the keys from the ignition. Chad began to shout indignantly, but Fernando covered his mouth with his hands as they struggled.

Kristen ran out of the car and opened Max's door pulling her out "you've taken all your stuff?, the bag? the camera?".

She nodded and her friend took her hand guiding her to the house. Once on the front door, Kristen reached into her friend's bag and pulled out a set of keys "which is the one to the house? she indicated a somehow larger key, Kristen opened the front door and pushed her inside after returning her the keys "sleep and try to rest, tomorrow you will have a horrible hangover, remember the plan? My mother got sick so we drove you home on our way to the hospital, drink a lot of water and try to hide you drank last night...good luck with that" she turned and ran to the car, hearing how Max closed the door behind her.

She climbed the stairs heavily, when she reached the top floor she headed to her room but just before entering she stopped.

Ideas

Max just had one of those ideas that when you are drunk seem so great but the morning after they usually reveal themselves as utter nonsense.

This was no exception.

She turned around and went to her parents' room, She knocked on the door, insisting a couple of times before she heard somebody switching on a light "It's Max ... can I come in?". When her father gave her permission, she entered the room.

The Caulfields stared at their daughter, who in turn looked at them with an ear-to-ear grin.

"Dad, Mom, forgive me for waking you up. Today... I made a decision and... but... you know... you are so important to me.. I just wanted to tell you... today I had a philphany" Max slurred her words.

"sorry? You had a?.. didn't catch that" her mother asked while trying to clear up herself from sleep.

"A ... um ... ephany...no...ephyny".

"Max ... are you drunk?" Ryan tried to get up but his wife grabbed his arm urging him to stay in bed.

"Um ... maybe .. I drank just a bit... I just wanted.. you see it's been hard since we moved here and today I just wanted ...that's not what I wanted to tell you about... today I had ... I can't get the word".

"Honey, I think the word you're looking for is epiphany" Vanessa interjected, she looked at her husband asking him to let Max finish in her own terms.

"That's it Mom, epiphany… thank you, I've been thinking about what I want to do with my life... and you know I love photography.. I want to study that. There's still time, but I have been looking at options and instead of waiting for college, there's this academy for 12th grade students that has a very good photography program ... so well ... I would like to apply for a scholarship, they have this teacher who is a very good photographer himself, Mark Jefferson and ... well ... that's all".

Vanessa looked at her daughter with a frown "I'm glad for you, you are thinking about your future and you wanted to share it with us but there's the fact that you're drunk and you are not even trying to hide it plus you were supposed to sleep in Kristen's house so you lied to us ... just go to sleep and we'll talk tomorrow about all this.. You're sixteen Max, I didn't expect ...".

Ryan took his wife's hand and gave it a slight squeeze, she left her sentence unfinished letting him talk, something clearly didn't add up.

"Max, what academy is that and why is it so important that you couldn't wait until tomorrow?".

"The thing is... that you already know the academy, at least it's name... is Blackwell Academy .. it's in Arcadia Bay".

"Do you want to come back to Arcadia Bay?" His father asked gingerly.

The confident grin that adorned Max's face disappeared leaving place to an expression of extreme shyness more of her own "I've given it a lot of thought...a lot... and yes, I think it would be on my best interest".

Ryan and Vanessa held hands under the sheets while Max kept on explaining her plan as clearly as her state allowed her .

"you are OK with it... I mean, it's a private academy and I'm going to need a scholarship, but I'm gonna bust my ass raising my grades".

Ryan spoke first "Max, we would support you in whatever you choose, you know that you are the most important thing to us... this said, the truth is that your mother and I have spoken many times about you going back to Arcadia Bay one way or another, maybe it would be good for you... you know ... " Ryan stopped and cleared his throat avoiding the sensitive subject "In any case you making that choice in your own... is something that tells us that you are on the right path and we can't be happier for you".

"Now you go to sleep, sweetheart" added Vanessa "tomorrow we'll have time to talk about everything... including your behaviour tonight. what were you thinking Max? you are not like that".

"I know mom, but this choice ... really... and I don't know, I just wanted to forget everything for once...I'm so sick of this.. guilt".

"My poor girl" Vanessa said sadly.

Max stared at her parents her eyes filling with tears, her father made a slight gesture and all the barriers fell. She rushed to them jumping on the bed and hugging them as hard as she could.

"I know I've made you suffer a lot these years, I know" the daughter sobbed "I never wanted this to happen like that, I thought it would be for the best but I was wrong,.. I was so wrong.. I got hurt, I hurt you and ... I hurt Chl… other people, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry".

"It's okay, don't worry, we just want you to be fine" said the father while caressing his daughter's back "We also made mistakes ... we also hurt you".

Max didn't miss the inflection her father used when he said _you_. Her parents had remained true to their word and had never mentioned Chloe after Max asked them to. However, in that room and at that time everyone was aware of what they were talking about.

"Thank you" She hugged her parents tightly and let all her inner storm release in the form of tears.

She stayed just like that in her parents embrace, crying all her frustration out and muttering the occasional "thank you" and "I'm sorry" until she felt something rising from her stomach. Max separated from her parents and looked at them with a confused expression "I'm not feeling that well" she said as she felt a convulsion and covered her mouth with both hands.

Nature has it's own rules, Max couldn't avoid the retching.

"Noooooo!" Their parents shouted in unison.

* * *

**April 1, 2012.- Not so early in the morning**

Immense headache, a million needles piercing her head, dry mouth, thirst.

Those were the first sensations that Max had when she woke up. The light coming through the window bothered her much more than usual. _If this is how a hangover feels I don't see myself drinking again anytime soon_ Max thought.

The brunette woke up with great effort and headed to the bathroom. She brushed her teeth furiously trying to remove the disgusting sensation in her mouth, she splashed her face, trying to sort her thoughts despite the headache, _I need a plan; first of all water, lots of it, eat something, then_ _I_ _face my parents, I guess I'm gonna be grounded until I leave for Arcadia Bay, or college if I can't make it there._

Her father was already seating on the kitchen table, fiddling with his cell phone, he looked up and a smile appeared on his face when he heard his daughter arrived. Quite obviously he was waiting for her.

"Good morning pumpkin, slept well?".

"Yes," Max said looking down sheepishly. Her father had just called her pumpkin which was a bad indication by all means. "I'm sorry about last night, I know I made a mess".

"A mess?" her father asked ironically, "No Max, a mess is when you drop the cereal bowl or when you splash the bathroom mirror... last night you went on us full the exorcist way.. Max, you puked on us".

"about that... I'm...really sorry.. I don't know what else to say".

"Don't even try to apologize, we had to shower twice, your mother has slept in the guest room and I had to crash on the couch, our room stinks of alcoholic vomit and there's barf stains all over".

"I'm not drinking again, I promise, dad".

"I'm taking care of that" his father said with a mischievous smile that made Max shudder. "You know that us, Caulfields, are of Irish descent and we know a lot about alcohol. Right now your body is dehydrated and you need to drink, that is the only thing relieving your headache, sit down and I'll bring you something".

The brunette sat down surprised, truth is that she had never given reasons to her parents to be angry with her (drinking and lying to stay out late kind of reasons at least) she was stepping into uncharted territory but of course this wasn't the reaction she was expecting from them.

Ryan Caulfield came back to the table with a bottle he had taken from the fridge and a glass, he put both things on the table and Max's state of mind abruptly descended to absolute zero level.

In front of her a single beer and a beer mug.

The contrast of temperature between the refrigerator and the Caulfield's kitchen generated condensation in the beer, resulting in small drops that fell from the neck to the base, Ryan ran his index finger along the entire bottle leaving a trace in the wet surface before opening it very slowly. Deliberately entertaining himself in each gesture he poured half the beer in the mug, tilting the bottle and the mug so that the right amount of foam was formed. He inspected the result against the light, nodding his head in satisfaction.

If beer porn was a thing, this scene would have been directly rated as XXX.

"Here you go, Max, drink, re-hydrate yourself".

"Dad, please, don't do this to me, really, I won't do it again I promise, don't make me drink that".

"Listen, if I had a dollar for every time I told my parents that I was not drinking again, you wouldn't need a scholarship to go to Blackwell" Ryan said, still smiling. He picked up the mug and smelled it "Um, nothing better than a good cold beer, take good note of the smell before drinking" with this, he put the beer in his daughter's hands who apprehensively accepted it.

"Please, really, I'm going to vomit again".

The father gestured with his hand indicating that none of his daughter's pleas were going to be heard "doubt it, your stomach is empty now, you will only get retching... not pleasant at all I must inform you... make sure you smell before drinking, remember, we are Irish ... the Free, the Flow, the Frothy Freshener".

Max shook her head without understanding this last sentence but dismissed this thought immediately to focus on her herculean task. She smelled the beer feeling something raising inside her but she could control it, she left the beer on the table imploring with her eyes. Perhaps smelling the beer was enough.

It wasn't.

Ryan slightly pushed the mug towards Max again and simply said "a long gulp".

She closed her eyes and did as she was told trying to overcome the disgust she felt. The beer fell on Max's empty stomach like a bomb, the bitter taste flooded her whole body. She couldn't understand how a few hours ago she was drinking the stuff and asking for more.

"Do I have to drink more?" she said putting down the mug and gazing her father slightly proud of herself.

"No need, pumpkin, but I'm not finished with you... Now you're going to our room, I want you to clean it up, all stains must be removed, wash and dry the dirty sheets and make the bed with fresh sheets, once you are finished you can go back to bed if you want. You can't eat anything until you finish.. I let you drink some water though".

"Dad, please, it'll take me hours and I'm exhausted".

"Max I want you to learn the lesson, you have never given us reasons to get angry with you before but you must understand that this action has consequences ... drink a little water.. and get started".

Max drank some water and set off to work. It was a painfully experience, she was suffering severe head and stomach ache, water was helping her but at the same time every time she drank she had to fight the urge to vomit. Those were the three longest hours she could remember, and she agonized every second of them.

She called her father the moment she finished to check her work.

"I'm done, I'm going to sleep I'll eat when I wake up... Am I grounded?".

"No, for the drinking part I guess you've learned the lesson.. I'm giving you an out of jail card for the lying, but it's a once in a lifetime bargain, remember it" Ryan patted his daughter back affectionately, "you've done a great work with the room, it's cleaner than it was before and the smell is totally gone… we should celebrate before you go to sleep… what to share a beer?".

Max looked at her father and the words sprang from her mouth without even thinking.

"Beer?, yuck".

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This full chapter was funny to write, it was intended to be shorter but it kept growing in words and I couldn't find a place to split it in two as happened with the chapter adventures.  
> Sorry for the delay, but between translation, correcting etc I am a slow writer.  
> The scene with Ryan and the beer was one on the first I had in mind back in June when I was thinking the story. I had to wait months to finally write it because this story is written in chronological order.  
> Some of the ideas from the drunken part come from personal experience (not mine but I have witnessed in first person the I'm a fucking astronaut part) I guess real life can be weirder that anything I can write.  
> The part in which Chad is trying to take the picture is purposely written to be confusing as to who is talking in each moment, although is easily guessed if red with attention. Any other part confusing is not intended to be...so my bad.  
> As always, sorry for grammar, vocabulary and sentence construction you already know english is not my mother tongue and my writing is not beta'd.  
> A few prompts.  
> \- Chad: that one is easy, I even included the latex gloves part. He is based on Ignatius J. Reilly. If you haven't red A Confederacy Of Dunces do yourselves a favor and read it. It's amazing.  
> \- Leeeeroy Jenkins: And old one, but the pun was easy.  
> \- "The Free, the Flow, the Frothy Freshener" you can google that up, just to say this Irish themed Bar I used to go time ago had this big fake imitation announcement with that words and a certain beer brand in it. I dig about it and it's quite a funny story  
> Again, all feedback is absolutely welcomed.  
> This story tries to show how and why Max did what she did while in Seattle and her reasons for coming back to Arcadia Bay.  
> Also I tried to write it in a way that most of canon Max from LIS gets a proper explanation, so if something is unclear or wrongly written or it just makes no sense, feel free to point it out.  
> We have still to more chapters to go plus the epilogue.  
> User Arackanox (a true champion of this work and this fandom in general) asked if the story ended before Max and Chloe met.  
> Answer is yes, but the epilogue is after they met, and by that I mean a LOT after.  
> Enough said, you'll have to wait for Pricefield fluff a bit more.


	8. A box in the basement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Old Max merges into the Max we get to know in LIS.  
> A letter to Chloe.  
> Max is accepted in Blackwell and she freaks out.

**Unknown date 2013**

Chloe:  
I will start by saying that the mere fact of writing your name is a triumph in itself.

I don't want to bore you confessing how much I missed you and how I regret everything I did because I already know. I think about it every day and although this letter is for you, the only person who will ever read it it's me.

A few months ago I sent an application letter to Blackwell Academy back in Arcadia Bay where I hope you still live. They have a very good photography program run by Mark Jefferson, one of my favorite photographers and I have applied for a scholarship. I will have the answer on the first days of July.

This last year I've been struggling as I never did before to qualify for that scholarship, that academy is really expensive. My parents supported me from the very first moment I revealed my plan. And I mean support to the point that after sending the application I had a chat with them and, long story short, they told me that if I didn't get the scholarship they would financially support me to go to Blackwell.

So right now the chances are higher than if I only depended on the scholarship, in any case I don't want to keep my spirits too high because they have high acceptance standards. I'm not sure if I'm talented enough and this is too important for me.

My parents are fine, they've helped me a lot through a very bad phase. I would like to say that they send you regards but I would be lying, they never talk about you even if you are a constant presence in our house. I shouldn't get ahead, more on that later.

On a side note remind me if we ever have a friendly conversation again to tell you the story of when I broke the news to my parents about returning to Arcadia Bay.

We will laugh.

Remind me also to tell you what happened the day after.

You will laugh, I won't.

_So Max wants is planning to go back to Arcadia Bay for a photography program and not because of me_ you'll be wondering.

The answer is no but that's only part of the truth. There's a program that definitely interests me but that's just the way I found to make my comeback more edible.

There are a million more answers all of them as valid as that one. Starting with _I should have never left_ and ending with the only truth that sums it all up. _The real reason is you_.

That's where my heart is. The decision is made for good or bad.

You'll be surprised that for several years I was going to counseling, it helped me a lot and I learned many things.

Yes Chloe, life was not that good at Seattle. Life was not easy without you.

This same letter is a consequence of what I learned at counseling.

For years I kept a written diary. You know how I am, it's more a collection of random thoughts than an chronological summary of my life, anyway it's been more helpful than I could imagined when I started, it surely seemed like a stupid idea back then. Shamefully enough, sitting in front of my stationery and writing was the highlight of the day more times than I want to remember.

Luckily those days were left behind.

I want to tell you about a technique that my counselor and I discussed, it's called compartmentalization. It's one of the secondary self-defense mechanisms of the mind, it usually functions unconsciously and is the mechanism that allows, for example, to hold an opinion and the opposite without entering into conflict.

There is another definition not so theoretical. That's the one I'm more interested. It's about, consciously, ordering your ideas, wishes, feelings etc. so that you don't try to deny them, but you stash them in a corner of your mind and continue with your life. That thought is there but you learn to live without it influencing your daily life. Graphically it has been described as putting a box away in the basement. You haven't got rid of whatever is in that box. It's just put away and you don't stomp on it on a daily basis.

And Chloe, again, this is all about you.

My mind has been set on you for so long that I no longer remember a time when you were not everything to me. I'm coming back to Arcadia Bay to force my slim chances on us.

I have to be realistic, you are probably going to hate me and I couldn't blame you for it. I also want you to understand that I don't want to suffer only for the mere fact of punishing myself. I never intended to hurt you, other people around me or myself. It was the worst choice with the worst possible timing, and it surely was the most selfish thing I've ever done. I'm not sugar coating it but trust me when I tell you I thought it was for the best.

My counselor told me I would eventually reach this point.

She was right.

I have anxiety and insecurity issues, and a large array of negative feelings caused by my decision of getting you out of my life. I'm going to put them in a box and keep them down in the basement. I'm going to try and live my life without all those feelings taking hold of me.

Of course this doesn't affect how I feel about you. The idea of forgetting you is impossible (I have thorough evidence on that) and that's not the reason I'm doing all this.

I'm going to Arcadia Bay for you but I want you to meet a better version of myself, not the wreck I've been all this years without you. I can't stress that enough and I know it won't make any sense to you but you have always been my top priority.

There is a very good photography course, the teacher is someone I admire and I am attracted by the idea of living outside my parent's house and meeting new people. If, as everything seems to indicate you won't take me back, I'll l try to continue with my life in the most dignified possible way. I won't run away, I won't hide and I will accept it as best I can.

And surely I won't guilt-trip you about it. You deserve no less.

Be advised though. If you ever give me the slightest chance I will jump into it with everything I have. I will fight for you. I will do everything possible and impossible to make it work between us again.

There is another topic I'm a little embarrassed to discuss with you.

Once we told ourselves that we would never lie to each other and we have never said otherwise so I suppose that despite the long hiatus the rules continue to apply. I'm rambling here, I know, but you already know me, I'm like that.

The matter is that there hasn't been anyone in my life all these years. That, by itself, means nothing because after all I am still young but the real problem is that I haven't had any crush on anybody, zero, nada and that's definitively weirder. Somehow I can't think about anybody else but you and that's very confusing. I can't get my head around it. I guess facing you, whatever the outcome, is the only way to find out.

I'm on it, wait for me.

Of course my plan, being mine, has major flaws. To begin with, I don't know if you still live in Arcadia Bay. Can you imagine? me in Arcadia Bay and you living large somewhere else? Epic fail. Not going to be easy on myself, I probably deserve as much.

You are laughing at me at this point. It'll be 5 years since I left when (if) I'm back in Arcadia. I'm not one to make decisions on the fly. Anyway I'm determined to find you so if you no longer live there, please let it be that you have moved to Portland or somewhere close enough... or at least in the continental US. Please, don't make me chase you all the way down to Hawaii, my parents would kill me.

Another big hole in my plan is that after 5 years I haven't yet come with a way to approach you. I didn't know what to tell you the day after I left and I honestly don't know what to tell you now. Chances are I will just stare at you and break down. I have plenty of time to worry about that. I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

Which bring us to why this letter and why now.

Like I said, a box in the basement.

This letter is the last thing I'm going to write in my diary, the one I've been writing until today. Once I'm finished I'm going to burn it and make sure there's nothing left of it.

It's a point of no return for me.

I feel uneasy about it and yet I know that this is the right thing to do. Somehow this anxiety has accompanied me for so long that I've came to believe it's an indissoluble part of me like the freckles or the Polaroid. To secretly wallow in pain and anguish has become a way of living but that's not the life I want for me. I never wanted it to be this way. I must learn to live with my wrongs and miseries before someone else loves me and I'm using the verb love in the broadest sense possible, uff, I better stop right here be fore I get myself in word trouble.

I'm going to start a new diary, one in which I won't write from the part of my conscience that is occupied by the great drama that has been leaving you behind. I will have the average teen diary, with its fair doses of drama, anxiety, doubts, unrequited love and doodles, many doodles. I'm not going to write lies. It'll be a sincere diary, although not completely sincere.

I'm finishing now, but I want to leave in a classy way.

One day, I was talking with my friends here in Seattle about great quotes (Kristen and Fernando are their names I only made two friends you know I've never been a person of many friends). Somebody mentioned the opening line to a famous book and I liked it. A little adjustment and it speaks about me, which means it also speaks about you because you see, my whole life hasn't stop revolving about you since I first met you.

So, for you, my Chloe.

All happy girls are alike, each heartbroken girl is unhappy in her own way.

Ever yours (if you want to), Max K.

* * *

**July 10, 2013**

Max entered the house unceremoniously and run straight to her room. She knew her parents were still at work but even if somebody was home she would have done the exact same thing. She drop her bag on the floor and curled up on bed hugging her teddy bear, Captain. The Blackwell Scholarship Committee was supposed to inform scholarship applicants in the first days of July. It was already July, 10 and still no news. Checking her cellphone compulsively was becoming an annoying habit.

Max had tried to play it cool.

Since that night she decided she was going back to Arcadia Bay she followed her own road map. She focused on improving her grades for the scholarship, she prepared mentally to face rejection and started a new diary to leave behind the past. She did everything that was on her hand and she did it the right way. Things were going smoothly, yet she forgot to take into account a critical element.

The waiting game.

The hardest part.

The wait until July 1 was agonizing. From that day on, it was simply unbearable. With school already finished and nothing else to do but wait, Max was consumed.

She thought about taking a summer job but not knowing if she had to leave town on short notice, she dismissed the idea.

When she planned this year, she thought that the time between finishing classes and (hopefully) moving to Arcadia Bay would be spent in intensive photography sessions to improve her portfolio. Truth was she wasn't shooting at all and with both Kristen and Fernando already in summer jobs she had all day to herself to freak out.

Today was being specially though on her.

She tried to leave home for a walk but after a while she got an anxiety burst and ran back home to hug her trusty Captain.

_Fucking ironic_ , Max thought. _I started in Seattle locked in my room and if everything goes according to plan I'll spent my last days in Seattle locked in my room_.

Suddenly her cellphone went off with an income text warning.

Max only dared to check the sender.

Blackwell Academy, Scholarship office.

Max dropped the phone as if it was on flames, she jumped out of bed and down the stairs. The little awareness sill shining in her brain made a good job reminding her to take the keys before bursting out. She wandered aimlessly for an hour before calming enough to return home.

She took her cellphone apprehensively, the screen was dark, two more seconds of blissful ignorance. Rendering a deep breath she unlocked the screen, scrolling with her index finger the message. C _ongratulations_ was all she managed to read before dropping her phone again except this time the phone wasn't on flames, this time her hands trembled.

Max shouted, not with rage, not with joy...liberation.

Shouts gave way to tears, to sobs and to broken mumbles, all she could articulate was a single word. That word, of course, the name of her long lost friend.

When Max managed to stop crying and calmed down enough she realized a weird emptiness inside her. There was no goal to keep her focused, no road to be walked. Just her and her inner demons.

She was desperate to talk to someone. Unfortunately, her options were scarce.

Her parents were at work. Adjusting her schedules conveniently over the years they managed to carpool to work and back. Their ETA was around 17.30 and she wanted to tell her parents face to face.

Kristen and Fernando had summer jobs, they both finish their shifts at about 17.00 pm. She could try to call them during lunch break but being summer jobs there wasn't a regular time for the break, that and not having much privacy on their work places decided Max against it.

It was 12ish. That meant 5 hours before she could talk to anybody.

5 years to return to Arcadia Bay/5 hours on her own to think about it. _Fucking ironic indeed_ Max thought.

Food, movies, the Internet. Her first options to kill time failed miserably one after the other.

**12.25** **PM:** Max was wandering around the house like a caged lion.

She walked to her room and took the camera ready to leave the house, she put down the camera immediately. She wasn't in the mood for photography.

She considered smoking but the taste disgusted her, drinking...she disregard that at once She thought about rubbing one in but even under normal circumstances she was not overly fond of it so she didn't find the necessary inspiration to carry out such relief.

**12.47 PM:** Max was lying in her bed trying to sleep.

Hopeless.

**13.11 PM:** Max was snooping at Blackwell's website.

She found out about Blackwell's photography program while searching for information about Mark Jefferson. Her heart skipped a beat when she discovered the happy coincidence. She had not bothered to browse through the Academy Website back then, she was utterly anxious and went straight to the administrative and scholarship sections and never checked back.

Going back to Arcadia Bay and try to make things up with Chloe was a recurrent idea. A summer job, a weekend, a bus round trip, those were her options when she tried to set up a plan. Instead Blackwell would allow her to stay in Arcadia for a full scholar year, enough time to resume their friendship ... or assume that she had lost Chloe forever.

**13.17 PM:** She saw her in a picture.

Blackwell class of 2010.

In the photo every student was smiling at the camera except for one girl. Before realizing who she was Max gaze was dragged towards that girl. She was taller, her facial features sharper, arrogant almost defiant, a touch of anger in her eyes.

And yet it was her, her Chloe. Beautiful, painfully beautiful.

_Fuck_ Max thought, _she's gorgeous_.

She was in a picture among a score of guys but she stood out.

_All those years and I bet I could straight point her out of any crowd._ For her, Chloe had always shined in a special way.

Suddenly Max froze.

_Wait, this picture is from 2010 .. oh no..oh no .. Blackwell is supposed to be a senior academy only and she was there in 2010. Did she advanced grades? Is she already in college ? Oh fuck Oh fuck ... this is so confusing_.

**13.24 PM:** Max slammed her laptop shut and hugged Captain, once again sobbing uncontrollably.

**13.48 PM:** Max turned on her computer and did what she promised to herself she was never going to do.

She introduced the following Google search ("Chloe Elizabeth Price", Facebook). Max used the mouse with extreme caution, controlling the page scroll and positioning herself so that she could only saw the top right corner of the page. She only wanted a little piece of data, nothing else.

When she saw the profile showing Chloe was still in Arcadia Bay she closed the laptop and went to the kitchen ready to eat something and kill some time.

**14.20 PM:** Max was feeling sick.

She raided the fridge trying to soothe the anxiety.

It didn't work, it never works.

**14.25 PM:** Without prior notice, the first "what if" appeared

_What if she is a relationship?_ Max thought.

_Will she be too busy to hang with me? Will her boyfriend hate me for reappearing in her life?._

_How will he look like?_ _I mean_ , _she is soooo beautiful._

_I can't imagine anybody good enough for her._

_Wait he... or maybe she._

_What if she swings that way?._

_A girlfriend?._

_Oh no, no please, that would be much worse, seeing her with a girl, that girl not being me._

_I couldn't stand it._

_Oh fuck, could I've been that girl? fuck, fuck._

_She is a goddess and I am, at best, average but I would have treat her as the most special person in the world. No sweating there, she already is that special for me._

_Could I have stood a chance?._

_I can't imagine anybody good enough for her...well, except me._

_If she's into girls and I've been away from her... Oh fuck._

_Don't wanna think about that._

Nerves ... doubts and of course, fear.

**14.51 PM:** The second "what if" hit her mind squarely.

And it was a very important "what if".

_What if she hates me_?.

_It would be more than fair, I know it and I have to accept it._ _I've been preparing for it._

_It will hurt in the deepest of me, I will grieve and I will continue with my life._

_But all of this was because I was afraid of losing her and now I might reach the same point, just after 5 years of getting everybody through pain and misery. It makes no sense at all._

_Oh fuck, what have I done?._

_Why then don't accept the plain and simply truth. Forget it and continue with my life. Start grieving now, the sooner the better._

**15.26** **PM:** Max was intimately convinced that Chloe hated her and she would never, under any circumstance, take her back.

Max cried for the umpteenth time.

**15.42 PM:** Max decided she was going to renounce to Blackwell.

Who to call first? Parents or friends?.

Max was technically still a teenager.

All teenagers know that parents aren't the best option in some circumstances.

Because parents just don't know/don't understand.

Teenagers have a special intelligence that is lost when they get grow up.

Because parents don't know how you feel/don't understand what is really important.

When teenagers become parents themselves they suddenly lose that special sensitivity.

Or so teenagers think.

**15.56 PM:** Max picked up her cell phone.

* * *

**Max 15.56**

Max added Kristen to the conversation

Max added Fernando to the conversation

...

Hey guys, anybody there?

I need to talk to u guys.

Like, really urgent,

Life or death situation here.

Big news.

Por favor.

Anybody?.

**Kristen 16.35**

Sorry, busy at work.

Can't talk just text I'm on the bus, way home.

So? So? So? So?

Blackwell and a big fat yes.

Please.

**Max 16.35**

Yes, full scholarship.

**Max 16.38**

U there?

**Max 16.40**

Kristen?

**Kristen 16.41**

Sorry, bawling my eyes out.

Trying hard not to make scene at the bus.

so happy for u, so happy.

**Max 16.41**

Kristen, there's no easy way to say this.

I'm going to renounce.

No point going there.

Chloe won't take me back.

Better forget about the whole thing.

**Kristen 16.41**

DON´T U FUCKING DARE!

**Max 16.42**

You don't get it.

It's a no go.

**Kristen 16.42**

Fuck u and fuck u giving up.

Seriously.

Fucking chickenshit.

**Max 16.42**

If I go it'll be for the worse.

I can't.

**Kristen 16.43**

I've seen you unresponsive and suffering in silence for years.

I've seen u cry, get violent, get drunk...

Only one reason for all that shit.

And now you resign.

You can't do this to urself or us.

**Max 16.43**

I'm not hurting u

**Kristen 16.43**

The fuck u are not.

Fucking brat.

You are disrespecting Fernando and me, your parents, even Chloe.

To everyone that has been by ur side supporting u.

I've been thinking about u and ur fucking scholarship for Blackwell for weeks.

**Kristen 16.43**

You just can't.

Don't.

**Max 16.44**

Kristen ...

**Kristen 16.47**

too harsh.

Why?

**Kristen 16.48**

When did u receive the text?

**Max 16.48**

Noon

You're the first person I talk to, parents are at work.

**Kristen 16.48**

You've been spinning it ever since.

Alone.

What's wrong?

Talk to me.

Max.

**Max 16.48**

I'm scared.

All this years, all this pain.

I'm so fucking scared.

**Kristen 16.49**

My poor girl.

U are so afraid to face her.

**Max 16.49**

I know she'll hate me.

Waste of time.

**Kristen 16.49**

?  
u don't know that.

**Max 16.49**

I bailed on her when she needed me the most.

I know.

**Kristen 16.49**

u listen to me.

If she's only a fraction of the amazing person u told us, she won't miss the chance to take u back.

Who wouldn't?

**Max 16.50**

U try to help me but I'm so troubled.

What can I offer her?

I have nothing but a sad story.

**Kristen 16.50**

Honestly.

I've known u for a long time.

What's not to like about u?

**Fernando 16.50**

Agree. Joined conversation minutes ago, did some catch up.

It's OK to be scared.

We've made this road together, we're fucking proud of u.

Now the hardest part. U have to do it on ur own.

I know u can do it.

**Max 16.50**

U don't get it.

I saw a picture of her.

She's

I

I'm just not up to her.

**Fernando 16.51**

U don't say that.

She was ur best friend, sure she's hurt. But hate u? Not up to her?

go and find out.

Life is strange sometimes.

Maybe she missed u as much as u did.

If it goes wrong u will always have our shoulders to cry but I'm sure u'll make new friends in Blackwell.

Look forward.

**Kristen 16.51**

It's been great.

But Fernando is right.

Your future is not in Seattle, it's never been.

**Max 16.54**

bawling my eyes out now.

U guys are the absolute best.

I'm sorry I was such a pain in the ass all those years.

**Kristen 16.54**

Now go, I'm gonna miss u.

**Fernando 16.54**

Be urself, that's surely good enough for her.

Remember, it's OK not to be OK. Don´t let anybody tell u otherwise.

**Max 16.54**

U know I'm the absolute worst in keeping in touch.

Sure, I'm gonna miss u two, don't forget that.

* * *

Max closed her phone feeling calmer.

She waited for her parents to arrive home while reading online about Arcadia Bay.

When her parents entered the house, Max went downstairs serenely and asked them to sit down for a moment, she showed them the text.

Her mother cried.

Her father laughed

They hugged as the family they were.

She thanked them for the support and apologized for all trouble caused over the years. After the three way cheering and congratulations, only academical topics and logistics were discussed.

Nobody mentioned Chloe.

Her father took advantage of the fact that Vanessa was cooking to ask her how she was feeling and offering himself in case she wanted to talk about anything.

Before going to sleep, her mother found the opportunity to talk to her daughter alone, she ask her how she was feeling and she offered herself in case she wanted to talk about anything

Max answered both her parents on the same fashion. She loved them and that they had already done enough, from now own everything was up to her.

Before going to sleep Max sat at her desk and opened her diary.

She summarize the whole day. After so much pain and suffering, she was going to Blackwell.

She felt happy for the first time since she read the acceptance text.

And hopeful. Chloe.

She took a deep breath and began to write.

**July 10, 2013**

I GOT ACCEPTED INTO BLACKWELL ACADEMY.

If words could dance this would be a rave. Even though I've never been to one. But who cares because I GOT INTO BLACKWELL ACADEMY, a unique and famous private school for seniors! NO KIDS ALLOWED! I did not think I would be so excited since it's not like I did not used to live in the same town ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any of you following this fic must have thought at some point there was a major plot hole.  
> Her diary had nothing to do with the one we read in the game, her attitude had nothing to do with the one we see in the game.  
> I have already covered it answering some comment but I do honestly thing that there is a lot more to read between the lines than what is actually showed or said in the game  
> Max attending a private school in Arcadia Bay just for senior year, the way she jumps onto Chloe since the first texts etc.  
> I just wanted to tell the background story and I knew at some time the two Maxes had to converge and it had to make sense.  
> So this chapter is the bridge that closes the gap between the Max in Seattle and the Max we get to know in LIS.  
> It was difficult to write because after writing about Max in some funny awkward situations, her first date, drunken etc this was more like an introspective chapter.  
> A few prompts.  
> "The great drama" it's from the book the Baltimore Boys. This guy just writes so amazingly. Actually the original version is in French and my French is not good enough to read a book like that one so I read the translated version into my own mother tongue. Maybe in English is not translated as "the great drama".  
> The opening line from Anna Karenina is something beyond classic. It has to be one of the best lines in the history of literature, opening or not  
> This chapter was going to be called some other way but the title was even difficult to write. I prefer this one.  
> Two more chapters to go.  
> Next chapter is called Wrestling and it's the last one that takes place before the actual events in the game. The last one happens after the game events


	9. Wrestling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryan and Max finish her talk after 5 years. Some confessions are made.  
> Max starts in Blackwell  
> She falls asleep in class just to wake up in the middle of a storm.

**September 2, 2013**

After saying goodbye to her father Max walked the way back to her room.

Blackwell's parking lot was almost deserted when Ryan Caulfield started the car ready to face the way back. The last words he exchanged with his daughter still resonating in his mind.

_The beginning of new adventures for you_.

_that's why I'm here, right?._

He knew something was off.

He thought about the ride back to Seattle, by himself, hours ahead. As soon as he drove out of Blackwell the idea that had been hanging around in his head for a long time filled his thoughts like an explosion. He tried to neglect it to not avail.

Five years of his daughter's life passed in front of him in a flash.

He drove through the streets of Arcadia Bay feeling more and more uneasily until, just when he was about to leave town, he decided to pull over and take out his phone.

Ryan stared at the phone for a few moments hesitantly, this was his last chance for a face to face talk with his daughter before she resumed her new life. With this thought he dialed his daughter's number and waited for her answer.

Max was back in her room sorting through the boxes that covered the floor. Procrastinator as she was, her first thought was to hang with her dorm mate, Kate, and leave the room for the next day but once again she remembered something her counselor had told her.

_Big changes start with small actions._

The first thing she did was undo the pocket of her messenger bag and retrieve the old picture that was there. Her current bag was not the one her father bought in Jeff's store so many years ago. That one had been finally discarded after much insistence from her parents and only after it reached the point in which even Max was unable to deny it's indecent appearance. For the 2.0 version of her fashion accessory of choice she chose a bag almost identical, but of better quality.

Max Caulfield amateur photographer, a girl true to her ideas.

In all her bags since she moved to Seattle she had sewn an inside pocket where she kept her favorite picture. The bag always went with her ergo the photo always went with her, there was a soothing effect to it. With reverential care she removed the picture from the hard cardboard envelope and store it in the drawer closest to her bed. She was already in Arcadia Bay, somehow she didn't felt so clingy about the photo. After all, the real Chloe not the one in the picture, was close.

Max was arranging her photo wall when her phone went off.

The caller ID showed her father was calling, she frowned before answering.

"Hello?".

"I ... I need to talk to you, I'm driving back, meet me at the parking in 15 minutes".

"Dad, is there something wrong?" said Max uneasily.

"I just need to tell you something. I should probably have told you before, but for sure I would regret if I don't do it now".

"OK, I see you there".

Without getting out of the car himself, Ryan gestured for Max to jump on as he opened the door on the driver's side. She climbed into the car staring at her hesitant father. He  rested his huge paw-ĺike hand on his daughter's shoulder for a few moments before stroking her cheek with affectionate delicacy.

"look..I...all I...". He cleared his throat in a gesture that betrayed his tenseness. His daughter remained expectant which didn't help him at all.

"Mind if we go for a walk? I need some fresh air before I face the way back home".

Max nodded slightly and buckled her belt without saying a word.

Father and daughter remained silent while he drove through the streets of Arcadia Bay, after a few minutes she had a slight suspicion of their destination.

That suspicion was fully confirmed when her father parked in front of the old Caulfield's house. Ryan killed the engine and got out of the car, Max followed suit right away. They both stared at the house lost in their own thoughts.

"It seems that it was in another life" She muttered, however it was loud enough to get her father out of his own abstraction.

Ryan turned his head towards his daughter "let's walk. I'm gonna be driving for some 6 hours and I could use some leg stretching before that".

Max used her signature reply, a silent nodding before her father closed the car and began to walk. He strolled for a few minutes with his eyes fixed on the ground, his daughter gave him a couple of furtive glances. No doubt he was looking for the best way to approach her, she saw fit to just wait patiently for him.

"Do you remember the day we bought you the camera, the Polaroid, you always carry with you?" Ryan uttered nervously.

"Yes, of course" Max paused for a moment and narrowed her eyes at her father "although the truth is, if I had to refer to that day I would not remember it like _the day we bought the camera_ no matter how much I love my Polaroid".

"Sure, sure" Ryan answered thoughtfully. "You see, what I'm trying to tell you has to do precisely with what we talked about that day, do you remember all of it?".

"I remember it perfectly, I don't think I'll ever forget... I'm not so open about myself, I'm more the introspective type... you already know that..and at that time it was even worse but" Max felt a lump in his throat "but somehow it was very important for me. I was in a very dark place, confused and angry with the world and with you ... I didn't understand why I couldn't stay with C... I mean in Arcadia Bay".

"I see".

"I was totally blocked and it kind of helped.. a bit. It surely didn't felt like it at that point but when I think about it in retrospect I guess it was a good thing".

"I'm glad it did" he continued "And do you remember what I told you about how things eventually lose importance with the new experiences that life throws at you?".

"Adventures" Max cut her father "that's the word you used, the things that today seem so important over time will lose it's significance as I live new adventures... how it's a maturing process and in one way it's cruel but it's life.. I remember".

She stared at her father. In her look there was a lot of questioning but there was also pride, like at some level the young one knew better than the experienced one.

"Yes, yes, adventures, I also remember it perfectly..., the point is that everything I told you is true, it all came from my own experience and what I learned from listening to other stories, my parents, my grandparents, what they have told me before" Ryan tried to find the right words "Anyway your mother and I realized what was happening even if you shut us away. We knew it and that day... it was all about helping you ... as I said, everything I said was true and I stand by my words. If we were to have the same conversation right now, I would tell you exactly the same, word by word, and it would be as true as 5 years ago but ... but life is very complicated and there are things that ... simply escape our will and we can't do anything about it and..."

Ryan stopped suddenly realizing that he was cornering himself "... Max, you just stand by my side listening to my ramblings.. and I don't know how to do it. It was so hard the first time and it's not easier now .. oh man".

She took her father's hand and gave it a slight squeeze trying to comfort him. "Dad, just say it, we have come a long way together since that day. You can tell me anything".

He opened his mouth a couple of times but couldn't find the words, finally he raised his head, gaze lost in the distance "you're right, the easiest way is simply go straight for it...it's about wrestling".

"Uh?".

"Wrestling, you know, guys in glorified underwear beating the crap out of each other… except everything is staged".

Max stopped dead "what are you talking about?".

"Come on, let's keep walking. I've been driving all day and I'm going to drive 6 or 7 hours more. Did I ever told you about how much I hate driving? that's why your mother and I carpooled, it took a lot of adjusting schedules for that...".

"Dad, you are stalling"

"it's not easy ... yes, I'm stalling..OK, there I go. When I told you about my youth I mentioned how I liked to do hiking, surfing, etc., but I never spoke about my great passion, wrestling. As a child I liked watching it on television, I never had enough of it, to the point it became almost an obsession... in a right way, I mean, more like a consuming passion. Being a big guy like I am, at school they offered me to join the team. So I watched on TV _and_ I practiced in real life, I was so invested that by the time I entered high school I had been competing for years and had won many competitions, I was considered my team's star".

"Wait a minute," Max interrupted. "how is it that I never knew about it, you or mom never mentioned that and there is no memorabilia at home I mean no trophies or medals or anything".

Ryan grimaced sadly before answering his daughter "your mother doesn't know much about it, anyway it's a little more complex story, let me finish".

"Sure, sorry, I thought it was odd"

"I'm talking about the late 80's and early 90's. For me that was the golden age for wrestling, maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, but surely those were the years I was so involved in it so my best memories come from that era…. Hulk Hogan, Jake the Snake Roberts, Andre The Giant, the Ultimate Warrior, Hacksaw Jim Duggan .. too many to name". He continued with a slight note of nostalgia in his voice "I dreamed of being a professional wrestler. I pictured myself struggling, the spotlights, the public, .. I remember begging my father, your grandfather, to buy Wrestlemania III which was only in PPV. I taped it and saw it so many times that right now I could recite you from memory and without a doubt all the matches and the results... I.. I reenacted all matches playing the moves over and over in the old couch".

Max was looking at her father with a serious case of jaw dropping, the only thing she was able to mutter was "Dad, that is so ... lame".

He lowered his head in embarrassment like a child who has been caught doing mischiefs "you have to understand that it was a teenage dream. I was mesmerized about the whole package, the show itself with the fame and the money, of course but also the fellowship, the locker talk, everything about it was so..exciting it seemed so magic and wonderful for the teenage me".

"What happened?"

"Several things. First I wasn't that good. The more I advanced in the ranks the more I struggled to keep up. In my second year in high school I wasn't the best in the team anymore... I soon realized that I didn't have what it takes, I was lacking talent. Then I got injured, shoulder, nothing serious, but I was out of the team for months. When I recovered completely I was way behind my other team mates, by senior year I wasn't even in the team. When I started dating your mother it was already in the past and I didn't mention it.. because it hurt... in one way I can relate to what you did".

"Oh, I'm sorry Dad, I .. wowsers, that was totally unexpected".

"I can imagine, and I suppose you are wondering what this has to do with you, and why now".

"Well .. actually as much as I'm happy that you trust me with something that was so important to you, I kind of see where you are heading".

"You were always smarter that you give yourself credit for. Anyway I know that day... we talked about many things and I know you asked for a commitment to your mother and me. I honestly think you should agree with us in that we kept our word although it was painful. Many years have passed since that, now you are almost 18 not the lost girl you were back then but I... we, your mother and I, still feel the same way we felt when you asked us. We thought you were wrong and that it would not help you.. before I continue I need to know how you feel about it".

Max averted her eyes in pain. Since she had answered the phone she suspected something similar, either way, expectancy didn't make it easier or more bearable. "We are in Arcadia Bay, I have fought very hard for this ... I think that answers your question".

"I thought so, what I'm trying to say is… How could you… Uff... I...Oh come on, what the fuck are you doing in this God-forsaken shitty hole of a town".

"I ... I" Max nervously stuttered surprised by the bluntness and cursing used by her father.

"Don't answer me, it was a rhetorical question, sorry for the outburst, I.. just kept it for too long... I want you to understand one thing ... some things, some dreams, you just can't left them behind".

The father gave her an embarrased smile "even today when I see a wrestling match on TV I feel chills running down my spine, I have a box in the garage with the few trophies I won back in the day and a lot of VHS tapes, all of them matches from that era. Your mother wanted me to get rid of the tapes when we moved but I refused which led to a tremendous argument, funny thing your mother doesn't know about the trophies just the videotapes and most likely she thinks is some older girlfriend tapes or vintage porno". Ryan stopped as he looked at his daughter with a sad look "I told you that everything loses significance over time but I purposely omitted that on very rare occasions there is something that hits you so deep, so unique, so special you can never forget... I thought telling you about it was encouraging your behavior...now I'm not sure I did the right thing".

She looked away from her father trying to hide the redness in her eyes.

"We think Chloe is still very important to you, are we wrong?".

Max hid her face in her hands unable to hold back the tears. "Dad, don't ask me that question, you already know the answer".

Ryan hugged his daughter tightly as the little girl's head rested on his shoulder, he waited patiently for her to calm down. A couple pedestrians walked by and gave them inquisitive glances that were dismissed with a roll of the father's eyes.

"Max, my Maxine, my dream was just that, a dream, I lacked the necessary talent... it wasn't for me and now it has become just something to daydream with from time to time. But you ... yours is totally different, you're young, I want .. I want you to at least try ... some things are worth fighting for".

Ryan gently set aside his daughter and told her with as much tenderness as possible "your mother and I have been pretending we didn't realize how you were suffering, you have been pretending that you were fine. We all played the same game and we all sucked at it".

Max wiped her eyes before addressing her father "not a single day I forgot about her, not a single day in 5 years until I decided that I had to go back and try... maybe it's too late now".

"It might be," her father said calmly "and it will be painful, but the only thing I want you to understand, is that you might have been very wrong about the way to face your relationship with Chloe but you never forget about her and you didn't get over her no matter what… you proved that she was more important to you than we all thought... you knew better than us. You are here, don't let this chance pass you might find yourself..."

"Stop" Max said abruptly as she pulled on her father's sleeve.

Ryan was surprised at the sudden reaction from his daughter "Oh, sorry, did I said something wrong, I was just trying to …"

Max nodded towards the street. Her father followed his daughter's gaze without understanding what she meant, the big man shrugged but her daughter continued to stare at the street that opened before them.

Suddenly Ryan understood, they were on Cedar Avenue, five more minutes walking in the same direction and they would have arrived at the Price's house. Unconsciously both had been walking towards that house.

"Dad, the only answer I can give you is that no matter how hard I tried to get over her, everything in my life seems to revolve around Chloe".

"That much?".

"Yes... it's like there is no other way to be".

The Price's house was out of sight from their current standing point, too many blocks away to be seen in plain view. That didn't stop Max from staring, her gaze lost in the distance.

"I'll drive you back to your dorm" the father said after a few minutes.

The drive back was done again in absolute silence. Once in Blackwell's parking lot Ryan didn't kill the engine "I'd better go now, I'm running a bit late and I don't want your mother to worry".

"There is one other thing, please" Max remarked "I know that you have kept your word, not talking about Chloe until today. I understand it was important that we made an exception today, the only thing I'm asking is that we continue to follow the same rules as before".

"If that's what you want, we'll keep with the same deal".

"I want you to know that neither before nor now my intention was to shut you away from my life. Back in Seattle I tried to move on and now ... now it's too important for me and I need to make it happen on my own terms which means probably rethinking things too much. I don't want the extra pressure of you asking me about it. I promise I'll let you know when the time is right".

"It's fine with me and I'm sure it's good for your mother too. You know you have always been her top priority".

"I know about mom.. she's always in my thoughts" Max said while hugging her father "thank you for so many things and thank you for today".

"You are our daughter. Someday you will understand what that means ... now go, live your life and try to be happy, that is our only hope".

Max kissed her father's bearded cheek in farewell before whispering in his ear "I would have killed to see you jumping around in flashy underwear".

* * *

 

**October 7, 2013**

Max got up in a shattered state. She had not slept well for days and last night she stayed up almost until sunrise. She had been in Arcadia Bay for more than a month now and she had not yet come around with a proper plan to face Chloe. So far the only thing she had done was a very superficial recon.

She knew for sure that Chloe lived in Arcadia Bay and she thought she saw Joyce across the street last week. Max had immediately turned her head but if it was Joyce she surely had catch a glimpse of her.

She had played the conversation with Chloe in her mind thousands of times and all of them something went wrong.

The night before, unable to sleep she had come to the conclusion that she couldn't leave it any longer. Every day that went by made things more complicated, now she had to apologize/explain not only the 5 years of silence but also why it had taken her more than a month to try to contact her friend.

_I didn't know how to face you_ sounded poor enough but the truth _I was scared of you_ wasn't any better.

Today, after class, she would look for Chloe.

When she wake up all her muscles protested. The shower didn't do much to clear her head and the day passed painfully slow.

In Math Lab she was trying hard not to fall asleep and by the time she began her last period, Language of Photography, she was devastated. When she applied to Blackwell she thought it was going to be her favorite class but Mark Jefferson had not turned out to be what she expected at all. Face to face he was too pompous and he seemed to be floating in his own ego-trip at all times.

Mr. Jefferson was giving one of his usual over-elaborated lectures. Mr. Jefferson's favorite music was the sound of his own voice, Max could not bear the weariness, she struggled to keep her eyes open but it was a battle she was destined to lose.

Her eyes closed.

Suddenly she woke up. She was no longer in class, she was lying on the ground, in a forest, under a tremendous storm.

"Where am I? What's happening". **...**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter finishes the arch that ties my story with the game.  
> I wrote this story trying to avoid any retcon and making everything in the game coherent with this fiction. Only you can judge if I pull it off.  
> Honestly when I planned this story in May-June 2017 it was supposed to finish with this chapter but I decided to add another one based in various factors.  
> Some comments both public and private asked if the story finished before they met. Somebody pointed out that it was Pricefield but without Price. I have to say that's pretty much true, but Chloe IS in the story even if not in the flesh.  
> So the more I wrote the more I thought about it and I came out with some crazy ideas for the epilogue. We'll see how it works out.  
> And finally BTS came out and everybody was trashing Max. Not the time or place to ramble about what I think of Amberprice, but honestly, not for me.  
> Last chapter is pure Pricefield the way I think it has to be, which is just my opinion, just as valid as any other.  
> I hope up to this point I made justice to Max, she deserves it.  
> After all she teared time itself for her friend.


	10. Not enough time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Max and Chloe's life after the events in LIS.

**Not enough time**

"What are you thinking about?".

Chloe looked away from the window and smiled at Max as she had been doing for many years.

"It's this trip. Once I dreamed of escaping to Los Angeles, fleeing Arcadia Bay, now we are making the same journey in the opposite direction".

Max took her wife's hand "that was so long ago…".

A voice drew the two women out of their intimate moment.

"Mum?".

"Yes?" Max and Chloe replied as one.

A fourth voice protested angrily "I can't believe it. We are already in senior year and we haven't yet organized a way to address each of you without you answering both at once".

"But we're both mum" said Max.

"My brother can do whatever he wants but I'm going to call you by your first name. It'll be weird but at least we'll avoid this nonsense".

"We never found a way we thought was fair enough for us and we both like to be called mum" Chloe defended herself.

"Oh come on, mum I mean Chloe...mum".

"Clara Caulfield, stop grumbling, your brother wanted to say something" Max thus cut off her daughter's rebellion "William, which of your two loving mommas you were addressing?".

"In fact both of you. You see I was checking this year's program and most likely we are going to study you two in class".

"I didn't know cinema was part of your courses" Chloe stated.

"Well, that's the question, It's not. Obviously we study mum, Max mum I mean, in photography... buuuuut and now comes the funny thing, we have a couple of classes dedicated to social media history, state of things in the Internet before everything merged into the public domain. I've been looking at it and I'm pretty sure we'll study Youtube. You know what that means".

"Oh no. I need to talk to your principal about the content of your classes".

"Hey kids... well not anymore although you'll always be my kids no matter what... we can all laugh at it now but back then...we were absolutely embarrassed about that video for a long time. Those where complicated times for Chloe and I, everything was changing so fast and the video surely didn't help".

A buzzing sound interrupted the conversation. A large picture of a man in his fifties with a receding hairline and slightly overweight occupied the vehicle's entire front screen.

Under the picture the message _incoming video call Waldo_ flashed in red characters.

"You know his name is Warren. You better change his personal ID right now or I'll be mad at you".

"For me he will always be Waldo".

"You're amazing".

"yes, in the good way. I always have been". Max frowned with feigned irritation as her wife offered her the most innocent smile.

Some things never change.

"Accept call".

The picture transitioned smoothly to a real time image of Warren before they actually heard him speaking "my favorite family... I see that Chloe has dyed blue again, I haven't seen you with your hair like this in years".

"The trip down nostalgia road, the full experience tour. Since we're going back to Blackwell I thought it would be a good idea to go also back to blue... you know, those of us who still have hair can afford this kind of display".

A couple of hisses could be heard on both sides of the line before Warren cleared the commentary with a simple roll of eyes "do you have an ETA?".

"We're still on the superhighway but we'll soon be out. Once the recalculation is done I'll send you the data".

"OK. I'll be waiting for you in the main building, there is something we need to see. I'm looking forward to meeting you all... Chloe included".

The image disappeared from the screen as Max asked Chloe "What do we need to see? I don't know anything about that. What did he mean?".

She shrugged as all answer.

"Tell us the story again," William asked.

"Not again, we've already told you a lot of times" grunted Max.

"Not really, it's like Casablanca, I've watched parts of it many times, but I've never sat down to watched it one go, please".

"that... that's a crime, Casablanca may be the best-written screenplay in the history of cinema" horror was drawn on Chloe's face as she looked at her son.

"Mum, please, we've seen the video hundreds of times and you've told us bits of it, but it would be nice if you could tell us everything that's behind the most watched video in Youtube's history" William used his best puppy eyes. A mix between those of his two mothers, a trick that usually got him everything he proposed.

"Yes, come on, more than 9 billion hits" added enthusiastically Clara "starring Chloe and Max Caulfield, mum and mum".

The two women looked at each other and sighed almost simultaneously.

"I guess you're right. In the end it's better if you know the story, as it happened, from us because I think this year you're going to be asked about it many times".

"I think we have time enough for the story and remember your momma was still named Chloe Price when all that happened" She couldn't suppress a smile, she took her wife's hand and kissed her tenderly "my Chloe Price" she muttered almost inaudibly before she began.

"There is a long story behind what it's seen in that video, let's start when I finished my year at Blackwell. Your mom and I moved to Seattle. I attended college there and she was working as hard as she could to support me. She had 3 part time jobs at the same time, our parents helped and I also worked weekends but with college expenses, rent, food and the rest of the bills, we were always running short of money.

One of her part-time jobs was in a tattoo parlour, she could draw better than the owner but he would only let her do the smaller and easiest tattoos. She was totally frustrated about it. One day a guy came in looking for a tattoo but he wasn't sure what he wanted. He asked the owner for ideas and Chloe interrupted the conversation giving her own thoughts. They both started arguing in front of the client who laughed at it and asked the owner to let Chloe do the tattoo offering double rate. The owner accepted. The guy got exactly the tattoo your mother suggested him. When it was finished he asked for her number, she flatly refused". Max paused for a second to look at her with pride "The guy laughed and told her that he wasn't trying to flirt with her. He was a film producer and was involved in a small independent film that was going to be shot in Seattle. He was looking for new faces and he wanted to try Chloe for a short role in that movie".

"Short role?" William asked "she was offered a different role before?".

"All in due time… The point is that when she came home that night she told me about it. Initially she decided against it because she should have to ditch some of the others jobs and we needed all the money we could get. I somehow convinced her that if the producer called at least she should meet him and see what it was about. The producer didn't wait a full day to call, first hour in the morning the next day he called. They set an appointment for that same day at lunch break.

Turns out the short role was no longer in consideration. They offered her the main role in the movie, the absolute protagonist and in fact they had adjusted overnight the script for her".

"I didn't know that" interrupted Clara "you see how you needed to tell us everything... what did they adjust?".

"Not much, really. When the producer saw her arguing with the owner of the tattoo shop he at once thought that she was perfect for the role but he didn't want to tell her before the director met her. He mentioned the small role to avoid compromising him too much in case the director didn't like her. The director liked her as much as the producer and in that same meeting they decided to offer her the role. It had always been a story about a teenage single mother who does her best to raise her daughter. In the beginning she was going to be a waitress, because of Chloe they made her an employee of a tattoo parlour but the story was basically the same.

As I was saying, she initially decided against it but now being offered the principal role the conditions were different. What she was offered for shooting the film wasn't that much but it was more than a year's salary in any of her jobs for five weeks of work. At the end she agreed".

Chloe continued the story "It was your mum who encouraged me to accept once we saw that at least we weren't going to lose money. I had many doubts about it. I had never acted before except for... well that, you know... Shakespeare doesn't count anyway. What could I contribute to the movie? I couldn't sleep the week before the shooting started. Your Mum talked me to sleep every night assuring me I would do a great job. First day I kissed her goodbye and convinced myself that I would probably be back before lunch time, just one scene and they would fire me".

Clara proudly embraced her mom "not really what happened".

"Not at all what happened" Max continued "your mother finished the movie and with the paycheck she took me out on a date. We went to a cheap Chinese restaurant for dinner. It was the first time we went to a restaurant since I started college not counting the times Grandpa Ryan and Grandma Vanessa invited us".

"That was our life" Chloe smiled at her kids "we thought Max would finish college and find a job as a photographer. I would get my GED and join a community college. We had no plans beyond that".

"Strange as it may seem to you, that's the truth. We never thought I'd be such a renowned photographer".

"Not exactly true" Chloe said "I always thought you were going to be a big thing. Back in Blackwell everyone recognized your talent and in college all the teachers praised your work. I always knew... probably never thought you were going to be so renowned".

"You always believed in me. Ever since we were little kinds and right after meeting again. You always made me feel like I could do anything I wanted to, even if I doubted my own talent" the affection that her the words gave off was something almost physical "you were all the support I needed in my career... and yet it turned out that the one who married the big star was me".

Chloe bowed her head modestly "We didn't plan it... we never could have imagined it".

"Anyway, onward with the story or we'll run out of time. The film was shot and a few months later it was premiered. Nothing really fancy, it was an independent film with a very low budget and the premiere was in small theater that was holding an independent film festival. We didn't attend because it was in the other coast and there was no way we could afford the tickets without seriously denting our emergency fund. That was the name we gave to the money Chloe got from shooting that movie.

A few days later, the producer called us. The movie was very well received and all reviews were positive. All reviews pointed out that your momma was by far the best of the movie.

I had the chance to watch the movie and I thought she was amazing. I mean professional acting amazing but I wasn't objective, it was Chloe.. I was…" Max coughed a couple of times before resuming "I thought she was incredible in that movie and apparently everybody else did too. The reviews kept coming and all of them were coincident about momma".

"One thing I've never understood is how without previous acting experience you could play that role, a single mom. We weren't born yet, and you said yourself many times you had no clue about babies or motherhood at the time." William cut the story short by asking the same question that his mother had been asked thousands of times.

As in all those times Chloe just smiled and said nothing.

The two teenagers looked at Max, who raised her hands in surrender gesture "Don't look at me. I asked her the same question dozens of times and I never got a proper answer. You wouldn't be born until more than ten years later and no one in our immediate environment had children. I just don't get it".

"What can I say, I guess I'm just a natural" Chloe flaunted.

And with that she avoided the question just as she had been doing since the first time Max asked her.

An artificially perfect voice interrupted the moment.

_Arriving at the Portland superhighway exit._

_Distance traveled 970 miles, travel time 5 hours 10 minutes, average speed 187.74 Miles per hour._

_Approaching end of mandatory autodrive zone. Do you want to continue on autopilot once you leave the superhighway?_

"Driver Chloe Caulfield, autodrive to destination".

_Destination Blackwell Academy, Arcadia Bay OR, bound for 84 miles, autodrive enabled with collision control and satellite-controlled traffic, approximate time to destination 50 minutes._

Chloe turned towards her children. "I'm better off on autodrive so I can keep all my attention on the story, don't want momma Max to add anything that is not previously authorized by my lawyers".

"you dork, I also have lawyers of my own".

"not sure about that, your lawyers were my lawyers first I asked them to take care of your stuff and I still pay them for that… you better watch out".

"oh you…. Not going to answer that. Anyway...the story. After the high from the first reviews washed away we tried to ignore them and focus on studies and jobs. We had the money and Chloe managed to get her job at the tatoo parlour back...with a significant raise".

"Hey, I was already semi-famous I could ask for a raise".

"If only we knew what becoming famous really meant at that point...So things started heating up in the Internet. The blue haired girl with the tattoo was becoming hot news. The film had to be re-run in more theaters and from there on. A few weeks later the producer called us, a critic from a random city newspaper, Baltimore if I recall correctly, was the first one to write it.

Nomination.

Several more followed and it snowballed. Rotten Tomatoes said it was the best performance in years, the New York times said the movie was OK but the main actress deserved a better director and screenplay to level her acting. They also mentioned the word, nomination. Before we realized everyone was convinced that they were going to nominate her. We hadn't even been to the premiere.

The day the nominations were announced she was working in the garage. It was my grandpa's garage, the guy who bought it from my granddad was about to retire and he was more than happy to hire Chloe for hours to help him out. A cloud of photographers gathered around the garage and there was your mother, fully dress in garage attire. Overalls, greasy hands and a wrench in her hand while a bunch of strangers took pictures and asked her questions".

Chloe tapped her knee on Max's leg before addressing her children "Max searched and downloaded all the photos that were posted online. She still has them filed, absolutely all of them. I was working in an old VW minivan (damn hipsters), all dirty and sweaty".

"You were glorious" she replied "I remember it perfectly, you called me before you went out to meet the journalists and I couldn't stop crying. I ran from campus as soon as I got home I hooked up on my computer. I could see the pictures... you were so... so..., I cried again for hours, I couldn't be happier for you".

"Come on Mum, don't get so sentimental." Clara approached Max and hugged her.

"That was a long time ago, but I remember it crystal clear. You have to understand that a few months before that, it was totally unthinkable. We just thought we were a bit better on the financial part and our plans were the same old ones. Finish college while your mother was breaking her back for me and then focus on her studies. Suddenly, without realizing we had to go to the Oscars and Chloe was enduring unbearable media attention.. we were so unready for what came next".

Chloe joined "You have grown up with two mommas each one famous in her own field and you are accustomed to it. We were raised in average families with average works, it was all new for us and before the Anti Paparazzi act things were way more hectic. If things hadn't gotten better with the journalists before you were born I'm pretty sure I would have retired to raise you away from all that".

"I remember that the phone was ringing all the time" Max continued "one day the producer called and told Chloe that she had to hire an agent. Your mother replied that she had no money and the producer laughed, he always laughed at your mum, we were so ignorant. He explained agents charged a commission based on the money their clients actually earned. After that he told your momma that he believe money was not going to be an issue for us soon enough.

One day I came home after class and Chloe was sitting on the sofa with a guy all suited up, having a beer. I said hello and I approached her, she gave me a long kiss. She had never cared about PDAs you know that. The suit guy stared at me, eyes wide open in surprise. He pointed at me with his mouth open. _who is she? h_ e said all scared. _That's Max_ was all your momma said as if it was more than enough explanation. The guy got all nervous and asked her again, _no, no, no, but who is she?_ and then Chloe answered him in casual mode _she's my girlfriend_.

The guy got up and started walking in circles around the dining room and I have to give him credit for that because our dining room was the size of a big saucer and no more. He got flustered explaining how his vision was to introduce momma as the new female star, bit of a bad girl with the tattoos and the blue hair. Of course not in a established relationship more like a man-eater, no boyfriends and of course no girlfriends. The guy was very serious" Max used a pompous voice imitating a deep male voice and stretched her neck to give the impression of someone who is accustomed to being heard when he speaks " _as long as you are absolutely discreet, you can do whatever you want with your private life. But Max here,_ and he pointed out me _from now on she is your room mate_.

Your mother stared at the guy in the suit and repeated _my room mate?..._ "

Max looked at her partner and waved her eyes in anticipation of her continuing the story.

"oh no, you finish, that's your favorite part... the part you can mock me".

_Please._

_come on momma._

_don't start arguing now and somebody finish the story._

Those were the three different arguments heard inside the car. Any attentive ear could easily guess that those three arguments came from Max, William and Clara, respectively.

Chloe sighed deeply before continuing "I punched him".

"And immediately kicked him out of the house" Max proudly added.

"Yes, and I kicked him out of the house... he never called me again".

Clara's face showed without a trace of doubt that something didn't made sense "I find it hard to believe, momma is like the calmest person in human history. I can't remember one time in which I've seen her angry or mad at anybody. She wouldn't hurt a fly".

The two older woman looked at each other and gave a half smile. "There's a lot of things about me that you don't know. Your mother... she influenced me... in many different ways. Being with her has made me seen life differently... I wasn't like you have known me always".

Max looked away shyly "All right, all right, enough of that. We are close to the actual events in the video. So everything happened very quickly, except we still were broken. We had to call the producer and ask him for money. We had to dress up for the ceremony and we didn't feel like asking our parents for a large sum to be spent on dresses and shoes for one night. As to get your heads around what we are talking about, the costumes and accessories for us both cost, give or take, twice what your momma was paid for shooting the movie.

Before that we had a talk. I told her that maybe it was better if she went with Joyce. It may seem ridiculous to you now, but same-sex marriage was approved by the Superior Court in June 2015 and the ceremony was in February 2016, there was still some controversy and many people were against it based on religious beliefs or else.

William raised an outraged voice "I can't believe it, what difference does it make to people if two people love each other?".

"Son, things haven't always been like you have experienced them. Some rights have been fought for years before they were fully recognized. In 2016 going to the Oscars with a same sex partner wasn't common at all. Many people advised her about not going with me. I told her maybe she was going to miss some chances".

"how could you told me that? I can't even believe we had that conversation. I got mad at you back then and I get mad if I think about it now. I would have never ever...".

Max sighed "You know how it ended... Your mother stood her ground. Either I went with her as a couple, or she didn't go at all... Flashforward to the red carpet. There we are, holding hands and looking everywhere because you know...famous actors and actresses around us. People we had seen in our screens coming over congratulating Chloe and introducing themselves to us, a thousand journalists shooting flashes at us.

Hardly anyone knew that Chloe had a partner, much less that she was another girl, and Chloe... she was radiant, she wore her blue hair and a dress that looked spectacular on her... I looked at momma and couldn't believe it. Honestly she was among some of the more attractive women on earth but she glowed… she stood out. I don't need to tell you, you saw it with your own eyes".

Clara put her hands on the shoulders of her two mothers "that much it's true, _both of you_ look amazing on that video, not just her".

"We didn't thought Chloe was going to win. As the date approached more and more predictions said she could win but we never actually believe in it. The other nominees were actresses with many years of career or much more experienced young onesand all of them were representing bigger movies. She was a 21 year old girl with a single film that worked as a mechanic, in a tattoo shop and tried to double on weekends on whatever she could find to get a few more bucks.

We just thought we were going to attend the best party we had ever been and that was it.

She won.

I started crying and made a number of myself. She kissed me, probably the second most viewed kiss in history because of what happened next.

Your mother went to the stage to collect the statue. The award was presented by an English actor who had his moment of fame but was soon forgotten, he was that kind of actor that always delivered the same acting no matter the role he was playing. I guess the public got bored of his surprised expression over and over. Since she took the stand, you could see that your mother was too nervous. She didn't really expect to win so she had no prepared speech. I told her to think about a few words just in case...if she did, she just forgot.

She asked the Englishman what should she say. In the video you can see Mr. Redmayne's astonished face (by the way, his usual acting face) and how he whispered a couple of things to her ear. She began the speech and thanked the producer, the director and the whole team, the academy for awarding her the prize and congratulated the other nominees. The typical polite speech which was what the Englishman had said to her. All this, she said with her head bowed and without looking at the audience. After those words she just stopped speaking, she raised her head and looked at the audience, at least that was what it looked like. She was looking straight at me, she remained silent for a little more then she just mumbled my name and shut up again...

That's when the real madness began. She ran away, and I mean literally running from the stage losing one stiletto with the first rush, she took out the other while walking down the stairs and threw it away without looking where it landed. The day after we received both the stilettos in our hotel with a funny note from our producer.

He was such a funny guy.

She ran away leaving the Oscar in the stage and she kept running barefoot until she reached our row in the seating area of the theater. This part is important. George Clooney was seated in the first seat counting from the aisle, you remember George?

"Yes, he eat at home several times. I remember him as an old man, he was retired. He came home with his twin sons, boy and girl like us".

Clara laughed before adding to her brother's comment "I remember his twins, they were older than us. I remember telling them that I had read that their father´s Batman was the worst ever. They laughed at it and answered me that it was true and that talking about that movie was forbidden in their home".

"OK, that George. So from the aisle the seats were, George Clooney, his wife, Meryl Streep, her husband and me. And next to me the empty seat of your mother. Chloe came running to our row and from the aisle, without returning to her seat, she began speaking to me. She was leaning down, one arm in George's seat backrest and the other in the seat in front of him trying to be heard above the noise but there was no way. The Englishman was calling her back through the microphones, reminding her the Oscar was still there. Most of the audience were standing up trying to catch a glimpse of what was happening and obviously thousand of cell phones were pointed at us taking pictures and recording. I couldn't hear anything.

I asked her to speak louder and she began to scream about how lost she was since I left and many other things. I asked her what she meant and she started rambling and it made no sense. George was right next to her. He cut her off and asked her what she wanted, he scolded her because everybody was waiting for her and she was putting on such a show nobody knew why.

I had been able to hear less than half of her words but it didn't seem to make much sense either. There was more and more noise and Mr. Redmayne was shouting something about the schedule being rigid. I realized that George and your mother were arguing hotly, so I asked Meryl Streep's husband and he asked his wife... They told me Chloe had just proposed to me but since I couldn't hear her she had asked George's wife to tell me. George was all but shouting at her because she was not in her knees.

They were arguing about it.

"That's what you see in the video, they did lip-reading and added close captions what Mom says is _dude do you think I can get down on my knees with this dress?_ " Clara´s laughter flooded the car.

"Those were her exact words, nice language by the way. And of course there was no way on Earth that Chloe, the Chloe from 2016, was giving up an argument no matter she had just proposed me or she was arguing with one the biggest stars in Hollywood. So, back to me. The only person I have lever loved in my life had just proposed to me, I'm like the happiest person alive and nobody gives a shit about me.

George and Chloe kept arguing. George had asked momma about the ring and..." Max stopped trying to suppress the burst of laughter "OK this was an instant classic. So George asked her about the ring and your momma snorted in disgust, she looked at him and said _you see a fucking pocket in this dress?"._

"I remember when I was a little girl people would stop momma Chloe in the street asking for pictures with her and many people asked her to say that phrase, although momma wouldn't say _fucking_ in front of me. I didn't understand it until I saw the video for the first time". Clara and William were having fun with the story and Max thought it was a nice family moment, a great farewell gift for all of them.

"I resume. So momma had just proposed me I was like... really high. I couldn't believe I was going to marry my Chloe and there she was arguing with someone else while I tried to tell her that yes, and sure, and any other answer that meant I loved her above all... but she wouldn't listen to me. I stretched the arm of Meryl Streep's husband and I told him that I would marry her without hesitating for a second. He hugged me and congratulated me, then she told Meryl Streep, who told George's wife and... that's where the chain broke.

George was nodding furiously. He kept on repeating _the worst proposal in history, the worst proposal in history._ His wife had to grab his head and turn it towards her, she told him that I have said yes, he kind of freaked out and told Chloe to shut up (momma was still arguing with him) he told her I said yes.

Your mother lost control and she entered full panic mode. There was a proposal, there was a yes and what comes next? of course the kiss. Except I wasn't close to momma and she was absolutely disoriented. So there was a kiss... Chloe kissed George.

"that was a great move momma, really smooth". William said.

"None of that was great, I was surrounded by flashes and people, nervous and disoriented and I just wanted to get out of there with momma and rip her cloth... I mean spend time with her, plus George was an old man to me and I was in love with my Max".

"you were... um, I'll have to talk to my lawyers about the divorce".

"NO!" Chloe's sudden anguished scream startled the other occupants of the car. Max looked at her wife who lowered her gaze ashamed and then at her children before going on as if nothing had happened.

She knew better that pushing the issue.

"Momma immediately separated from George, who wasn't sure what had just happened and looked at me. I stood up ran to her as best as I could, stepping on everybody. When I reached George's wife seat I jumped straight to her and your mother catch me in mid air holding me tight. That was very nice because of the spontaneous thing but it turned out that Chloe's dress made her look like a Greek Goddess but:

a) you couldn't get on your knees

b) it actually didn't have pockets

c) it wasn't good for holding up people and

d) you couldn't use underwear.

As you know the suit got up and... how many William?".

"over nine billion."

"that's it, more than nine billion visits to your mother's booty... So what do you think, the most watched video in the history of the Internet starring your two mommas who adore you guys and the best booty of all time".

"You were lucky that the dress just got up from behind". Clara said.

Max and Chloe looked at each other with a malevolent smile. "This is one story just for girls. You guys know we have raised you in a liberal environment but this is just for Clara, you are old enough to listen to this...you see Clara, the dress also got up from the front but luckily it wasn't a full reveal and in the video you can't see it. But we are pretty much sure that George who had front row seats for the show could take a good look at it, and William, again this is not for you, that day your mother had decided she was going all blue".

"I don't understand".

"All blue, Clara, all her hair dyed blue."

"ohhhh gross momma, I didn't need to know that".

"For sure George took a good look, between that and the kiss he kept calling me for years asking us to work together. Any new movie he was offered he called me to star with him".

"And you know what Chloe did? She refused to work with him until he was almost in his 80's and he wouldn't be able to make a move even if his life depended on it".

"He hated me for that".

" He sure did. I won't be surprised if he included a clause in his last will instructing some voodoo stuff on you after his death".

"mommy, you two are couple of lovely middle-aged ladies". Clara said.

"oh shush, young lady, your mothers haven't raised you to make fun of middle-aged ladies and besides, both Chloe and I are doing very well for our age... and without surgery, which you know we've always refused".

"but you've got like 20 types of creams and lotions each" William mocked "in the time it takes any of you to get ready to bed I can watch an entire movie".

"You shush too William" Max imitated the angry voice that Chloe had used in one of her last films "when you get to our age these problems will probably solved by science but right now a woman must take care of herself".

"Don't laugh at them, it's OK if they have so many creams. I have radiant skin and I know how it feels".

" Clara, that's because you're young and you have inherited Chloe's alabaster skin".

"Yes, and also because I've been using your creams for years".

"Excuse me?" the two mothers shouted to the unison

"I thought it was you," Max said.

"And I thought it was you" answered Chloe.

"Too late to ground me. I no longer live at home. By the way if you notice that some creams are missing it's because my secret stash has increased... I need provisions for this year and I can't afford the creams you buy".

"Young lady, this is not going to go down like this" Max's reprimand was interrupted by the voice of the car's on-board computer.

_destination Blackwell Academy, Arcadia Bay OR, imminent._

_Autodrive to final destination, parking in private car park destination_

"Chloe Caulfield driver, manual driving to destination".

_manual driving enabled, looking for ideal conditions to finish autodrive_

The car slowed down and placed itself in the slow lane, flashing the yellow lights that signaled the end of guided driving.

_Correct autodrive end conditions._

_Autodrive end in 10 seconds, semi-controlled driving for the next 10 seconds_ _after autodrive ends._

"what was that, Chloe?".

"I prefer to park the car in front of the main building. We haven't been here for a long time and I want a majestic entrance, the old statue and the fountain greeting me, not an old parking lot. Come on indulge me."

"sure, fine" Max looked like she didn't understand a thing but she didn't give it much thought.

* * *

Blackwell's main building was as imposing as ever. In the courtyard, the only visible changes came with the technological advances of recent decades. All message boards were digital and advertisements were published through personal devices instead of printed sheets of paper. However the subjects were the same, groups for people with different interests, lost objects and bad jokes.

Warren was already waiting for them in the main entrance to the courtyard which surprised Max because normally they should have parked in the parking lot and access through the side entrance.

The car doors rose and the four occupants came down from the car. Warren approached Max and gave her a hug that was interrupted almost immediately by Chloe.

"Max, hand me my sunglasses please, and Waldo... you've already touched my wife too much, she's not for you, restrain yourself".

Max and Warren looked at each other and smiled, both expecting something in that fashion.

Chloe smirked before addressing Clara and William "Guys, Mr Graham is your vice-director and will be Clara's teacher in physics, so I will not tolerate any disrespect to him... we have a history together and a different way of behaving around each other. When he comes home you can call him Warren or uncle Warren, but while you are studying here he will be Mr. Graham and he will be respected for his position. You understand that".

The two youngsters nodded casually.

"now you can unload the car and set up in your dormitories, we'll meet before leaving. Dismissed".

The adults started walking towards the building, waiting to be far away from the kids to talk.

"Thank you Chloe. I didn't expect anything less. Not that I think it was necessary though, I have been looking at your children's records and they are spectacular. Not just the GPA that it is very high and in the case of Clara perfect, but zero misbehavior notes throughout all their school years. It's really incredible. Now that we are alone I have to congratulate you".

"Chloe put a lot of emphasis on the twins education. We found ourselves immersed in this life that is so different to the one we had and we had no idea how it could influence them. It has to be difficult to grow up in this kind of life... I remember one day I was in Seattle visiting my parents, Chloe was away filming a movie it was the first time she was shooting after I gave birth. We were strolling in downtown and Clara started pointing up saying _momma_ , _momma._ There was a huge billboard with an ad with Chloe's face... I don't know Warren, it's very complicated, we tried to explain them that our life was very different and that they have to live their own lives and don't take anything for granted. At least I know they have grown up in a very familiar environment".

"I think you've done a great job, they are two amazing guys".

"Thank you" both mothers replied at the same time.

The day was cloudy but Chloe put on her sunglasses with deliberately exaggerated movements.

"Wow, I see some of the vices of Hollywood's big stars have stuck to you, are you trying to blend in? No Paparazzi allowed or something?".

"You see, the day is not very sunny, but the few rays that pass are reflecting the billiard ball you have for a head and it bothers me".

"Chloe, you asked me for the sunglasses just to make fun of Warren. You're incorrigible." Max looked at her wife with fake hatred as she returned the glasses and patted Warren on the back.

"You should defend me, this man here tried to pull you out of my arms, I had to employ all my seduction techniques to win you over".

"Oh, come on, I'm sure you've been plotting all your attacks on him for days. Warren didn't even knew you existed when he asked me out. And for the sake of our relationship I'm going to pretend that I haven't heard what you said about employing all your seduction techniques".

Warren laughed at the exchange between the two women. "You know, it's very nice to see you acting as always... somehow you make me feel younger. I'm not particularly nostalgic, but there's something whenever I talk to you... seeing that you have the same kind of relationship as when we met... it brings me back to our years here and makes me feel better... I feel like I was studying at Blackwell again".

"you're not gonna make a move on my wife again, are you? Because I couldn't bear to see a friend getting defeated so overwhelmingly... again".

"Please, let it go" but even Max couldn't suppress a naughty giggle.

"Chloe Caulfield" Warren said solemnly "I must admit it's true, you got the girl I wanted but at least I have the consolation that I was defeated by the right person".

"Warren Graham saying nice things to me? I thought you'd been hating me for years".

"You know I don't... but now seriously, I have to give you serious kudos, both of you, but especially you, Chloe."

"What do you mean?".

"When I found out that you were both dating... it was a shock. I didn't know she liked girls and there was also this thing that you were a very unlikely couple, you had literally zero in common...at first sight. Eventually we found out that you had a past together, what had happened when Max left and how she came back to try to find her friend again. It was a very sweet story... but we were really young. How many couples survive high school? Brooke and I started dating the same year and we didn't even make it to Christmas in freshman year at college. How many of the couples from that year lasted more than months? None.

We saw the Oscars ceremony in my dorm room at college, that proposal and the kiss, it was so funny and amazing and at the same time I'm sure everybody was secretly jealous about Max. Many of my colleagues predicted that your marriage would not last long. You were going to become a superstar and that meant a brutal change of life in an environment so little prone to stable couples like Hollywood... And yet you survived all that as a couple, stronger every year.

Seriously Chloe, your speech for the last Oscar, how you talked about Max. That was incredible, I'm not ashamed to admit I shed my fair share of tears. It's true that the part about how sex had gotten even better after you turned 50 once you got to know all corners of your wife´s body was a bit out of place but the rest… it was inspiring".

"You mean better than the speech for the second Oscar?".

"Definitely. I thought you weren't going to work again on the industry after that, Second film, second Oscar and you make that speech".

"Come on, Warren, you know what happened the year before. I'm sure you've seen the video a million times holding a blanket and crying because you'll never get Max, at least you could see my ass".

"Nice ass, I won't deny that. But you were out of the line that second year".

"I was very nervous, I self medicated before the ceremony...maybe a bit too much".

"maybe?" you were totally stoned, at least you remembered to thank everybody ... before going on to tell everything that had happened in your life since you asked your wife to marry you and how wonderful your life with her was.. with all kind of kinky details".

"Well, consider that speech the closest you'll ever get to knowing how's sleeping with Max".

A growl echoed in the background coming for said person.

"Chloe, really. I'm glad you guys are together. I know you are the one who makes her happy.. I don't think it could have worked that way with me. You two, I have to say it feels like the right thing".

"It's not personal, Warren, not even because you're a man. For me it's always been Chloe, there's never been anyone else, man or woman. Nobody, literally" Max said.

Chloe looked away for a second, perhaps for Warren that gesture would go unnoticed but certainly not for Max.

"Thank you Warren, you know I enjoy mocking you and I don't plan to stop in the next future, but I do know you are happy for us...and now, enough with the mush. I have a tough girl image and I don't want you to ruin it".

"We're here anyway".

The three adults entered the main building. Just as in the courtyard, the interior was very similar to the one Max and Chloe had known in their student years. The principal's office was located in the same place and upon arrival the secretary instructed them to wait .

"Principal Williams is waiting for you but his previous meeting started later that it was supposed. I'll let him know you're here".

After a brief phone conversation Justin came out from his office. His appearance was curious, the same air of always being high and the same relaxed attitude only changes being he was dressed in a suit and tie and his face was marked by the passage of time.

"You've finally arrived! look who's here, nothing less than an old honors student..."

"Well, there's also the thing about me being an actress. It looks like your position has rubbed off on you and you only care for academic achievements".

"... and one of the most famous photographers in the world, I've just came out to greet you, give me 10 minutes to finish my meeting and I'm all yours".

Justin locked the door behind him. Max turned to Warren with a funny face before asking "Please remind me how Justin ended as Blackwell´s principal".

"It´s a long story but OK. You know, after the Jefferson scandal and his confession, Sean Prescott was imprisoned, principal Wells only lasted a few more weeks until news of Jefferson's confession began to leak. When Sean saw that his involvement with that scumbag was undeniable he realized he wasn't going to get away from it. One thing was to control ABPD but the federals were way above his influence. He committed suicide, that made all the power structures in town fall apart like a house of cards creating a power vacuum.

The Prescotts controlled everything but now their empire had collapsed and as the investigation progressed more a more pieces were falling. Half the police department was arrested, the Major, the whole town council... Justin's mother belonged to one of the old money families from Arcadia Bay. The families who had been forced to live in the economic shadow of the Prescotts.

There were many meetings and many alliances were forged to retake the government of the town. Blackwell was the most prestigious institution and was entrusted to Justin's mother. We had a couple temporary directors until Justin mother's appointed an old friend who was charged with the role of running the academy and prepare the ground for a successor who was supposed to be controlled by Justin's family. But something happened that put Blackwell on the map at... national level."

All eyes turned to Chloe who bowed gracefully "you are welcome Blackwell Academy".

"The most popular actress of the moment, the youngest to win two Oscars in two consecutive years for her first two films had decided to put an hiatus in her career to graduate. And she chose to attend the same academy she was expelled years ago. The perfect story, the perfect publicity. And not only that, she returns and becomes the best student of her year and one of the best in the history of the academy. Blackwell became the jewel in the crown. Everyone wanted to teach here and the principal had a vision, look for a lost sheep and transform him in the perfect principal...assuring control of the academy as a bonus for that. A story that could give continuity to Chloe's... so who had both the principal and Justin's mother at hand? Justin himself".

"Except it didn't happen according to plan?". Max asked.

"No, Justin was...a pothead at that time. He was in college, always in the verge to be expelled due to bad grades. Only her mother's influence kept him on campus. They forced him to change majors and finish studies. Once he was appointed as the new principal his idea was to smoke pot and skate all day while her mother run the Academy in the shadows. He did it for a while, there was a lot of covering for him those days, I've been told".

"Oh my God, I had already graduated and was acting again, but I would have signed up again only to see the principal teaching skate tricks to students much younger than himself".

"The moral of the story is that you never know when you are going to find your place. Justin was lonely at that time, all his friends were away and had families or lives. He was alone at Arcadia Bay so he focused on the students. He became a very popular principal always taking care of his students. He called them _my little bros._ He quit smoking in the academy premises, started getting up early and dressing as...you know...a principal. And then he made what was his master move. He hired a second in charge, directed all the administrative and managing work to him, and he focused on taking care of the well being of his students on a more personal basis".

"that would be my Step-Father".

"Exactly. The most awkward choice which in turn resulted in an absolute success and earned him his total independence. It seems so odd that someone like David fitted in that position as he did. By the way Chloe, how is Joyce doing?".

"She's doing well. Becoming a second time widow it's not easy but she is holding up fine. She moved with us, we built a one bedroom apartment in the yard so she we can keep an eye on her and she can have her own private space. She has a woman who takes care of her with whom she fights continuously about how to make proper pancakes and waffles for Max. As we are moving to New York until next May, preparing the retrospective of Max at the MOMA I'll be doing round trips to LA to check on her while Max works on her exhibit".

"Give her my regards. Please tell her that a lot of Blackwell members still remember David and miss him".

"I'll most definitively tell her. She'll be glad to know that David is remembered. She always saw something in him before anyone else".

"Ok, I better finish before he calls us inside. Justin realized he actually enjoyed the personal contact with students and not so much the managing he was supposed to do. He called me and asked me to be his vice director once David told him he wanted to take a step back. I accepted, we teamed up and I would say we did a great work. Justin and David had been fighting for years with her mom and her lobby to control Blackwell and turn it into a more elitist ivy league-like academy. Justin was more focused in scholarship and equal opportunities for students who deserved it.

The old students and patrons board we established ensured that he was not to be interfered in his line of work.

I guess Justin found his place in the world. He never married, he never had children but he is happy. He has his students and that seems to be enough for him".

"And you, Warren, did you found it too? your place in the world?" Max asked.

"I wouldn't say so much. After my... divorce... I was a little lost and Justin's call helped me, it was a welcomed change. I guess I'm fine, I like my work, I live well enough and I'm moderately happy. What else there is to life?".

"And at least you've managed to sleep with someone from Max's class, even if it wasn't Max herself. Give my regards to Victoria the next time she comes to... whatever excuse she uses every time she comes to Blackwell to bang with you".

"Chloe, we're both consenting adults, you know we had these on and off relationship during Victoria's intermarriage moments... not everyone gets married and divorced four times. Now she swears and perjures she'll never remarry again. We are just two old friends who console each other".

Justin emerged from his office escorting two parents out. He said goodbye to them assuring them that he would take care of their son as if he were his own child. He sounded absolutely truthful... and he was. He asked them to come into his office.

The interior, in stark contrast to the rest of the academy, had undergone a drastic change. Long gone were the brass birds, on the table only electronic devices and dozens and dozens of photos and papers were to be seen. The dark tones and old woods had been replaced by flashy colors, although the walls were barely visible as they were covered from top to bottom by photos of the different classes that had passed through Blackwell over the years.

After sitting in his chair that still looked as comfortable as the one Principal Wells had did, Justin offered a fist bump to Chloe who happily indulged him.

"I hope you had an easy trip, please sit down... So... I'm very happy to see you both, I want to talk to you about a couple of issues...oh before I forget, Chloe, can you sign this photo, you know...it's for me".

Justin gave her an old photo protected by anti dust film. In the picture there was a much younger Chloe with blue hair posing, happily smiling among other students who looked younger than her. Under the names of the students, in garnet print _Blackwell Academy, Class of 2018._

"Sure, thing, you still have this picture around?".

"You see that wall? All the way up to the top with class photos. When I finished collecting the digitalized ones I began to search for the old ones. I started a chat group with former students asking them to contact relatives or whoever could had a copy of old classes. I managed to recover a lot. This pictures here, they help me remember why I'm here and what's important..these students, they are like my family" Justin said this last one with pride, without a glimpse of sadness in his voice.

Max stood up and looked at the wall, looking for a specific picture "are those organized in some way, I'm looking for a picture... let me think, some 5-6 years ago".

Justin pointed a specific zone in the wall and Max walked over there to examine the pictures there "let me see...um...yes, there it is my goddaughter...well sort of because we never did a religious ceremony".

"You mean Fernando and Dana's daughter?" Warren asked.

"Yes, they asked me to be her godmother but as the parents have different religions we just decided that I would be appointed as so without the need of the ceremony".

"That was another improbable couple. I remember the day they met, it was the party for Chloe´s second Oscar. This guy Fernando, as soon as he set his eyes on Dana he went straight to her.. and they ended up married".

"I'm just happy he finally got his cheerleader".

"And the other girl from Seattle? the one we spend the whole night with her because his friend was busy trying to charm Dana. I haven't heard of her since that night".

"Oh, that was Kristen, my other friend in Seattle, we talk almost every week. She got married and has a boring husband and a boring life in her own words, but she's more than OK with that. She's doing fine also, I'll tell them both you asked for them".

"Thanks, tell them it would be nice to meet again... probably Chloe should shoot another movie and won another Oscar to have an excuse to meet again".

"A movie every four-five years is more than enough for me, I rather spend my time writing and looking at my wife...and by looking you know what I mean".

"Hey guys, we still have some work to do" Justin said before retrieving two files from the mountain of papers that inhabited his desk. "Let me check... here I have these files... Clara is the eldest, am I right Max?".

"yes, 7 minutes older than her brother".

"Okay, let's see, Clara Caulfield, no middle name... curious. GPA 4.00 no behavioral misconduct, she is in the advanced physics program... simply amazing".

"She's just like Chloe. She doesn't have any behavioral problems in class but at home.. she reminds me a lot to young Chloe. About her studies, as I said, just like her, so advanced physics".

"Chloe, please remind me about it. You did really graduated twice? I have heard many stories about it but I want to have a clear picture. I add this kind of information to students files".

"Not to brag, but BS degree plus grad school in Physics in Berkeley. And a few years later when I started to get interested in screenplays and writing I went back to college and got a BA in English".

"Impressive, really. Not for the studies themselves, but graduating once you were a star and then going through college and grad school and college again, you showed a lot of focus there".

"I suppose that's what happens when you can choose when you work and have enough income to pay for college taxes... also when you have a wife to impress and children to set an example for" Chloe winked her eye at her wife who stoically withstood the joke. Internally it was a total different story. Max was totally and utterly impressed by her wife's accomplishments since she told her she wanted to come back to Blackwell to graduate.

"Anyway" Justin continued "this is curious. William D. Price, GPA 3.95, as his sister no misbehavior and he is in the arts program, with photography classes, I guess he's the one that tends to your side, Max".

"You could say that, yes".

"I think it's the only case I know of twins with different last names".

"You know that Chloe took my last name after getting married. She insisted on it even though I offered all the possibilities, hyphenate, calling us both Price, I even proposed her to change both our last names to Pricefield. It was a lost cause, she wanted my last name and there was nothing I could do about it.

When we knew one of the twins was a boy. I told her that it was my prerogative to choose his name and there was nothing that would keep me from calling him William Price, that was my... I wanted to do that for her. It took a bit of paperwork but nothing some well-paid lawyers couldn't solve. The perks to be married to a movie star I guess".

"Pricefield, I wonder what kind of name is that. Who would use that? " Justin snapped his tongue "and his middle name D.? I guess that stands for David".

"This one is on me. When Max told me we were going to call the boy William Price... well, she understood perfectly what my father's death meant to me and it was... very emotional. That made me think a lot about my father, what kind of person he was and how he would have wanted me to move on. It took me a long time to accept David but with Max's help I could understand that he loved me in his own way so I decided that adding his initial to my father's name would give me a bit of closure.

The funny thing about it is that David never learned how to be a good father to me. I know he tried but it didn't work between us and when we were both in a point to make it happen, it was too late. Anyway we had a good relationship for years before he passed away, just not father-daughter relationship kind. But as much as he failed to be a fatherly figure to me, he was the most amazing Grandad you can imagine. Both Ryan and Vanessa and Joyce are excellent grandparents the best you can ask for. David? He was another thing, maybe it was because he never had children of his own but I've never seen a person so totally excited about some children like he was about Clara and William... you know the story of his moustache, the infamous pornstache?".

Justin and Warren shook their heads before Chloe spoke again "2 days after the twins were born, Joyce and David came to visit us. David had some trouble at Blackwell and couldn't come sooner. David took Clara in his arms and gave her a kiss, the girl made an disgusting grimace and Joyce told him half-joking that it was because of his moustache. He returned the baby to Max and excused himself to the guest room they were using at home. He returned twenty minutes later, the moustache was gone and it remained that way until his last day. No amount of combined pressure from Joyce and us over the years got him to remove his moustache. A single gesture from his granddaughter and that was it. That´s the kind of grandfather he was".

"He never told me, I asked him a lot of times but he always grunted and said it was personal" Justin said.

Chloe laughed sadly, remembering the man she had come to appreciate.

Justin got up and walked towards his guests, he leaned on his desk casually and looked at Warren with complicity. "Well, all the formalities are done, you know how Blackwell works, both as former students and patrons. You have donated and more than that you have actively helped to raise lots of money over the years. Now we have the best photography program in the country at this level of education and some science laboratories that are the envy of many colleges and that's partly because of your involvement with Blackwell throughout the years. Needless to say that I will take care of your children like I do with all my students, without making any distinction because they are your children. However you can come to me as their principal as well as your friend, whatever you need, Warren and I are at your complete disposal".

"Thanks Justin, for us it means a lot that you treat Clara and William like the rest of the students. We have tried to raise them out of the spotlight, it wasn't easy especially with Chloe's media exposure but I think we succeeded".

"You're welcome. I want to thank you both for entrusting Clara's and William education to us. I know that you have the means for them to attend the best academies in the country and yet you've decided to send them to Blackwell just like you did. I know that I speak in behalf of Warren also when I say it's an honor".

Justin glanced sideways at Chloe before going on "Once we are clear with the administrative work,... I think it's time for us to address the other issue we're dealing today".

"Another issue?" Max suddenly noticed how three pairs of eyes were staring at her. She looked at Justin and Warren who returned a half smile, she looked at her wife and saw that a malicious smile was drawn on her face.

She knew she had been played.

"It seems your wife has managed to keep all this a secret. Justin and I doubted it. We were pretty sure you would find out sooner or later with the amount of calls and emails we've been exchanging".

"What are you talking about?" Max turned to Chloe who kept staring at her with the same playful face.

"I think we should go out, come with me and I'll show you".

The group, led by Justin went out into the courtyard and headed toward the parking lot until halfway through, Max made and abrupt halt forcing the rest of the group to stop.

"We are going to the parking lot. This has to do with Chloe parking in front of the main building and Warren waiting for us there? How long have you been planning this?".

"We've been working on this project, let me think...give or take... two years" Warren said with some discomfort "Chloe contacted me a long time ago and since then we've been planning, the most complicated thing has been to keep it secret from you... something so big".

"two years?" something so big? What have you done?".

Chloe reached out her hand to Max before asking her "do you trust me?"

She took her wife's hand at once as sole response.

"I know this will sound a little cheesy but once we arrive to the parking lot I need you to close your eyes… for complete effect. I'll guide you".

Max closed her eyes as she had been asked once they arrived to the designated point, Chloe put her arm around her waist and guided her.

"Before you open your eyes, I must tell you that I couldn't have done this without Justin's and Warren's help and... well... you know that I'm not very good with speeches...but I wanted to do something for Blackwell, besides the donations, something more... physical. This place brings me back so many good memories, I know it does for you too and now our children are here too. Blackwell has an important place in our history… I mean, in this exact place is where me met again and I couldn't do my project here but I insisted it had to be placed as close as possible to the parking lot because you know.. I… OK, just open your eyes, please".

Max opened her eyes. Almost immediately her jaw dropped.

She was in the parking lot, the wall that bordered the area adjacent to the forest behind the pool had been demolished, instead, that area was now open. A small step delimited the end of the parking area and from there a corridor of hardened concrete gave access to the area formerly occupied by the forest between the parking lot and the pool. From the main entrance it wasn't visible if you didn't know what to look for.

"I... this is... you build a...I can´t believe it... it's a Skatepark?".

"Yes" Chloe showed her best ear to ear smile and despite the bizarreness of the moment, for Max it was as if the world exploded in light and colors.

The park was huge. No matter where you looked there was nothing but ramps, rails, stairs and all kinds of elements for skating. It looked like the wet dream of a skater playing with infinite Lego pieces. A huge Half Pipe occupied the central part of the park, becoming the dominant figure. Chloe took her wife's hand and led her there. Max couldn't articulate any words. Her eyes were trying to grasp the magnitude of what she was seeing. No cheap prefabricated pieces seemed to have been used, everything was pressed concrete, shiny steel and polished wood. It had been built with no trouble or expense spared, that was evident.

Upon reaching the half pipe, Chloe stood in front of one of the walls that supported the structure. At eye level there was a small steel plate with black letters, in it you could read a simple message.

_Max and Chloe Caulfield Skatepark_

_Blackwell Academy_

_Arcadia Bay_

"You built a skatepark... and named it after us?".

"Yeah, a place for young people to come and have fun, forget about their problems. You know, hang out with friends, drink a little beer, smoke a little weed, it's the second largest on the West Coast after one in San Diego but it's certainly the biggest and best built in the Pacific Northwest".

Max couldn't believe what she was seeing, with her eyes wide open, she alternatively looked at Chloe and the park.

"This... this must have cost a fortune".

"It hasn't been cheap, but you don't have to worry about it . I have regular meetings with my accountants and we are more than covered. It all has came from my personal funds and anyway you know we donate three times more than we spend".

"you've built a skatepark... for students to drink beer and smoke weed." Max apparently wasn't coming out of her daze. Words came out from her but no emotion was reflected in her face.

"Max, talk to me please".

"For the same money... you could have build a new library... renovate all the dormitories... set up new laboratories... but you decided a skatepark was a better idea". After her words, Max finally reacted by hiding her face in her hands and bursting into tears.

Chloe's world stopped and for the first time she thought her brilliant idea wasn't probably that brilliant "Oh my god, you hate it, oh no, no, no, you hate it, oh no, please don't" She leaped over her wife and hugged her tight. Max was crying heartlessly and none of her caresses seemed to appease her.

"Sorry, I'm so sorry, you hate it and it's my fault, it was a stupid idea, I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking".

"That's not it" Max babbled in tears.

"What do you mean, please talk to me".

"Chloe, Chloe".

"Please tell me something..."

"I don't hate it, I... I fucking love it" Max wiped her eyes on her sleeve "I love it... you could have done dozens of things and you've chosen to do a skatepark, it's... it's... the most absolutely stupid and meaningless thing you could have chosen and it's…" Max sunk her head back into Chloe's chest crying again.

"You have to help me here Maxaroni, I don't understand what's going on, I'm lost here".

"We've been together almost all our lives and I've seen how your life has changed completely without even trying. You have the world at your feet and yet you haven't changed at all, except for one thing but it's for the good... you're still the same joyful and brainless girl you were... you keep doing these incomprehensible and stupid things as you've always done... you're the same girl I've been in love with before I even understand what it was to be in love... a lifetime together and you're still able to surprise me... please Chloe, please, don't ever change, I wouldn't want it any other way".

"Oh Max, you're making me cry, please."

"You see.. now I'm older and I'm thinking about stuff I never considered before. I'm starting to see the end and my only regret is that I know it's not going to be enough, a life with you is not enough time ... once, a long time ago, I was sure that I had lost you but I decided to try to get you back anyway, because for you, it was worth trying. I fought very hard to return to Arcadia Bay and I found you... and I didn't just get my friend back.. I found everything I always wanted. Even today when I see you sleeping next to me I have this weird feeling that some point I'll wake up and realize that everything has been a dream and that we've never been together... and that you hate me".

"Never"

"I was so close to losing you...".

"You weren't".

"Of course I was, I don't even know how you gave me a chance I left you when you needed me".

"Max..." Chloe separated from Max, her eyes were still red and glazed but her gaze had taken on a more serious tone.

"You had me at Chloe".

"Sorry?"

"That morning... I would have died in a public bathroom, shot and bleed to death. I.. I did my fair share of stupid things in my life, specially with Rachel but that..that... I would have died alone and nobody would have cared about me except for Joyce, David and you.

I was driving away from the lowest point in my life. I had to hit the brakes because someone was in front of my truck and suddenly you appeared, that doe-like gaze so familiar... that was all I was missing in my life. Your first word was _Chloe_ and at that very moment I knew it. In spite of everything... I wanted you back in my life. I wanted to resume our friendship but not from that day on, I wanted to resume from the day you moved. I needed you in my life as if time had not passed at all... you only had to say one word and I was already yours… I didn't tell you straight obviously, there were too many layers of pain, fear, abandonment and I didn't know if you wanted me back, after all we had met by chance... Just a word, that was all it took".

"Chloe... Chloe...Oh my God".

Justin and Warren were staring, dumbfounded, at the two women who were fused in a hug and crying.

Warren clicked his tongue and with a blank stare said. "I never stood a chance".

"No offense dude, you know I appreciate you, but you weren't even close".

Warren kept nodding "Not a fucking chance".

The two men looked at each other and shrugged without knowing what to do, Justin was the first to speak "I think we should go and leave them alone".

"You're right... you tell them?"

"Um...I dare not, you tell them?".

"Maybe we just wait".

"Thought so".

Max and Chloe kept hugging, crying and talking to each other as if the rest of the world didn't exist, and truth be told, for them really nothing else existed. Finally one of them lifted her head and saw her two friends standing still and not knowing what to do.

* * *

The two women were making their way back to their car from the main building. They had already said her goodbyes to Justin and Warren as well as their children promising to meet again soon and keep in touch in one case, and making the same promise and asking for good behavior in the other. Clara and William had been very affectionate with their mothers at the farewell. Max knew she was going to miss them a lot, she also knew it was going to be harder for Chloe .

She told them about her own farewell with Grandad Ryan so long ago (she omitted details that only her and her father, and to a lesser extent Chloe, knew) and how she had never returned to live in her parent's house again.

She glimpsed a tear in Chloe's eyes when she explained her children that today was the day that their home ceased to be their home to become their mother's home, where they will only return for holidays and the odd weekend .

She felt a knot in her throat when she told them that today was the day that their rooms become their old rooms.

And finally she couldn't help to openly cry when she told them that today was the day for them to start living new experiences, except she used the exact same word her father had used with her.

Over the years the two women had developed an almost supernatural ability to walk next to each other without stumbling. They were practically stuck together and despite the difference in length of their legs, they had found a way to make it work. For that reason it was very easy for Chloe to bend over and give a peck on Max's cheek without breaking the walk.

"Max?"

"yes?"

"what you said before about how I haven't changed...?"

"yes?"

"That's... that's good I mean you said it yourself... at least it's good for you and I settle for that but you also told me that I've only changed in one thing and it's for the best... I've been thinking and I'm not sure what you mean... I... I guess it has to be something about the kids, but I don't know exactly what you mean".

Max stopped and took Chloe's hands in hers as she looked at her with a maternal smile.

"You built a skate park?"

"You've seen it with your own eyes, there's no denying it".

"So that, and I quote, _students can come over and have fun and forget about their problems, you know, hang out with friends, drink a little beer, smoke some weed_ ".

"Good memory, yes, that's what I did when I was young".

Max laughed. Chloe's frowned not understanding her wife's laughter.

"You mean students like Clara and William?".

"no, they… NO " shouted Chloe "I mean, they can come skateboarding.. always after finishing their homework... and no beer or weed... maybe a beer... but only one and definitely NOTHING of weed... no... no way...".

"You didn't think about it, you really didn't think about it... you're amazing... capable of the most incredible things and the most absurd mistakes".

"oh no, no, please, again no".

"The moment you said that thing about beer and weed, I knew you hadn't thought about it".

Chloe looked down at the ground in shame as she made an epic face palm to herself.

"Oh my God, what kind of hypocrite am I, what kind of mother am I?".

Max hugged her wife "You're not a hypocrite, you're the kind of mother who thinks that what was good for her isn't good enough for her children and doesn't want them to make the same mistakes she did... that makes you the best kind of mother" Max raised Chloe's head who kept looking down at the ground and stared in her eyes "and you're certainly the only mother I would have wanted for my children".

"Max... you... you've always known how to make me feel good... in my moments of doubt and fear you've always been the one who helped me to get ahead... my life would have been very different if you hadn't returned to me...".

"I had to... there just wasn't another choice for me".

"But you already had a life in Seattle. You came back to this lost town with the excuse that we had one of the best photography programs in the country and it wasn't. You took a lot for risk coming here. You didn't even know if I was still living here or if I had moved on from you... and even though I wanted you back in my life, I didn't make it easy for you at first. Before everything that happened that week you were already a hero, what you did... that amazing leap of faith... I wouldn't have been able".

"Don't say that, we've been over this enough times. Coming back was the only option for me. You didn't see me in Seattle without you, things weren't going well... I didn't properly functioned without you by my side".

"that could be considered an oxymoron".

"excuse me?".

"You didn't see me in Seattle without you, it's a contradiction in terms. If I wasn't there I obviously couldn't see you. Not exactly the definition of oxymoron but it could be considered as one".

"oh you, smartass".

"yes, but a smartmass with a major in English and an Oscar for a screenplay".

The two women thanked the little truce, the day was turning out to be much more intense than they had imagined.

After a few moments of silence, Max talked again. "Chloe, there's something special about coming back here, seeing this buildings and breathing this air. Somehow memories of things that happened a long time ago come to me here and there's something… here's this thought that I have never felt the need to tell you and I don't even know if it's worth mentioning now".

"You can tell me anything you want, it's always been like that".

"I'm afraid this isn't going to go the way it should and ruin the day".

Chloe looked at her wife curiously before she replied "Just speak frankly as you've always done""

Max sighed deeply and looked away from her before speaking, "You've mentioned Rachel before…You see, I've always felt a certain guilt because if it wasn't for some tragic circumstance we would never have ended up together".

Chloe narrowed her eyes to her wife, suddenly her face tensed. "You're talking about Rachel?".

"The thing is...when I arrived to Arcadia Bay you were alone. If it hadn't happened... what happened I don't think you and I could have... I don't think you would have let me into your life that way if you were still... with Rachel.. and everything else that came afterwards wouldn't have taken place. I've always had this thought in the back of my head, everything we've lived together depended on a terrible tragedy... If it wasn't for a monster, maybe us... my whole life would have been different without you..without meaning. I've never known how to feel about it. I'm sorry, so sorry to say this but yes, it's something I've always lived with".

"You see" Chloe began to speak very slowly carefully measuring her words, Max could feel the cogs in her wife's brain working "when I woke up this morning the last thing I would have thought we were going to talk about was Rachel Amber. Today is the day our children leave home and I had a big surprise for you I had been working for 2 years in secret...and yet here we are talking about someone so long gone".

"Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Let it go, I'm really sorry".

"no... no, it's okay, maybe today is the right day maybe it's been long enough... Rachel… what to say about her..." Chloe sighed "I'd give everything I've achieved in this life, everything, in exchange for Rachel being still alive, I wouldn't doubt it for a second".

Max looked away from Chloe immediately. "that hurt... talking about ruining the day".

"Hey, hey, don't misunderstand me. I would give everything I have achieved, but I wouldn't give away a single moment I have shared with you. You have to understand I'm no longer that crazy teenager who was lost and in pain. I know perfectly where I stand and which are my life choices".

"I know, but I bailed on you and you were alone and it's only logical that…".

"STOP IT" Chloe abruptly cut Max "Don't you dare, _Maxine_ , don't you dare to make this about my pain or your wrong choices... this is about our life, the life we've been building together for so many years. I'm not letting you go that way... there is an _us_ in this story, there always has been and it's you and me".

Max bowed his head in shame without answering.

"Don't even think about throwing any stupid cliche at me on the type of relationship with a person like Rachel or a person like you...I've had enough of that shit my senior year at Arcadia Bay. And above all don't you ever sell yourself short in front of me... it's insulting for both of us".

Chloe cupped Max's face and gently lifted her chin towards her.

"Look at me please. You're able to surprise me as much as I do, I guess… See I don't want to talk about Rachel very much but I do think I should tell you some things..Where should I begin... I was lost, I was in pain, you know all that, we don't have to go back on that. Rachel really saved me and she was my angel but in a weird way. Our relationship went from zero to one hundred in literally three days. Had it not been for the week I spent with you that October, I would say those were the most strange days of my life. Thinking about what I did those three days... I don't understand how could I. I committed crimes without thinking about the consequences, I confronted very dangerous people... I could have died easily.

I suppose I was totally engrossed with Rachel…and that was the thing about Rachel. She had that ability to make everyone fall for her. All Arcadia Bay knew she wanted to go to LA to be a model, no one dared to tell her something so obvious as that she was too short to be a model... and that was Rachel in a nutshell".

Chloe took a little break knowing that her words were both painful and liberating.

"Blackwell and also Arcadia for what is worth, were microcosmos where everything was self-feeding. Rachel was the absolute queen in both places but when I think of someone like Victoria Chase for example, I realize how wrong we all were. Victoria was Rachel's declared enemy, always looking out for her. Now I think if Victoria and Rachel had met in Seattle, Vic wouldn't even have turned her head to check her. How many Rachels there may be in Seattle? probably thousands. How many in Los Angeles? Probably thousands a week. Instead of being compared to thirty or forty Blackwell students, she would have been facing thousands of girls looking for the same thing she did, that wouldn't have ended well…and it wouldn't have ended well between us.

I was a girl with no dreams, no job and no education. My only ambition was to run away from home and I hung up on Rachel. LA was never my dream, I just wanted to run away and... someone by my side not to feel lonely and abandoned. My future was in waitressing and dead end jobs".

Chloe took a deep breath before she went on, the next few words were painful. "We…we never really were together even though she knew I wanted to be with her as a girlfriend... she always said not to put a label on us, go with the flow... but that wasn't enough for me. She had two relationships behind my back, not talking about night-stands, with Frank and Jefferson. I'm not sure about the timeline and I prefer not to know but I think she cheated on Frank with Jefferson. I can't tell she cheated on me as we were never together but I had the feeling that Frank felt cheated when the relationship with Jefferson was discussed in court.

She never told me about any of them and I surely felt betrayed.. If she managed to do that in a shithole town like Arcadia Bay what would have happened in LA? It would never have worked, I knew it then and I know it now.

You and I... we've never talked about this and I don't think it's something we needed to discuss but now... it doesn't matter anymore and it would help you understand. She and I... we made out, quite a lot and we did have sex, not many times but it definitely happened. But it was always the wrong kind of sex, whenever we hooked up she was drunk or high, never serene and we only had sex when she was really drunk or high. That was when something bad had happened to her, stuff that she normally didn't share with me. Every time, after the hormone rush of sleeping with her washed off, I felt dirty and despicable and I knew it wasn't real. I thought maybe with time she would like just the way I liked her… it never happened.

Rachel was involved with dangerous people, we were just two daring teenagers playing bad ass which we weren't. On our first days as friends she was stabbed and I got my head kicked and knocked unconscious. This is the kind of trouble I should have never gotten myself into in the first place. Rachel never learned to stay out of trouble…What happened to Rachel could have happened to me with the kind of life we had... I could have been her and in fact I was... but my Max saved my life".

"we saved each other, in different ways but we saved each other you know that".

"Maybe... but nobody... nobody deserves what happened to Rachel. No matter how many bad choices she made, how dangerous companies she had... she didn't deserve it and it wasn't her fault. All the choices I could take in this life... you, the kids, being an actress, writing, traveling... all that was denied to Rachel. She had no choice because she was killed at fucking 18... that's... that's the age our children are now" Max felt a knot in the throat as Chloe spoke "no one should die at that age. No parents should bury a son... we are mothers now... Rachel's parents...their only daughter, that had to be devastating. Because of all that, and because at one low point in my life she helped me, and because she was my friend even though she never wanted to be anything else... I would give everything so she could live".

"I'm so sorry, I understand that this must be very hard for you".

"yes, it's hard... it's very hard but there's something you have to understand. I was wrong, I was never in love with the real Rachel, I was in love with the Rachel that I wanted her to be and that's a mistake. People have to be accepted and loved as they are, little adjustments can be made but wanting to change someone is a mistake. I was constantly moping Joyce about how I would like Rachel to be more like you and that was wrong. Rachel was Rachel and she wasn't ready for any kind of compromise. She could give me what she gave me and it was never enough for me. It was the only thing I had and I held onto her, but it wasn't enough".

Chloe stopped and took Max's left hand and kissed it. "You and me? We always had a label without needing to talk about it, without giving it any importance. You have been my friend, best friend, girlfriend, lover, wife and mother of my children and through the years the same label, the same tag, _together_. That is the word that defines us. Nothing else matters as long as we are together, even the time we were apart we didn't stop thinking about each other. Things are not so complicated when both people want the same thing".

Max jumped over Chloe and embraced her furiously. Fortunately for them nobody was around the courtyard at the time. The sight of two middle aged women on the verge of crying and fused together was not something to be expected on a private academy for young students.

"Max, I... I wish Rachel hadn't died so young... I would have wanted her in my wedding day to be there with me... I would have given her my bouquet and wished her to find somebody who could make her happy. That would have been her place, not next to me in front of the officiant and holding my hand... that... that's your place... In this or any other universe we may exist".

Max opened her mouth to talk, but Chloe raised her hand in a gesture that meant she wasn't finished yet.

"I don't want to talk about Rachel anymore, I've already said everything I wanted to. But I do want to talk about us, I want you to understand something about me and the way I see us. At the end today is going to be a very different day than the one I planned".

"What do you mean?".

"I want you to think about what I told you before, about the first time I saw you and how I felt about you".

"That was...amazing".

"You have to understand… Plain, regular Max was a total and absolute yes... and a forever if you were up to it. Instead, what I got back was my own private pint-sized superhero and the most amazing week of my life".

"Oh, that week you know I don't like to talk about that".

"Indulge me. Something that would mark the lives of any normal individual we have managed to leave it behind as if it were no more important than a trip to Disneyworld".

"Not like that. It's just that it happened, we managed to save everybody and we resumed our lives… I never felt the need to talk about it and you respected that...until today I see".

Chloe ignored Max's last commentary and went on "When we arrived at my house, you started telling me the whole story. How you had this crazy powers and how you had lived through the same week many times. I believed you. It was the most absurd and crazy story but I believed you, and you wouldn't prove me your powers because you were determined to live all week without using them. You had only one thought in mind, you were determined to save me and save everyone else. You said it was the only way out...and you did it. There was never a storm and I survived... but some things of that week were never clear to me. Your insistence on saving everyone made me think that you came to sacrifice Arcadia for me. You went down that path and something didn't work I guess one or both of us couldn't live with the pain and you started over".

Max shook his head, it had always been a subject she had tried to avoid. "Why do you want to talk about this now? It happened a long time ago and our life went on".

"It's important you'll see why. In any case you know our agreement since we were small kids, _never lie to each other_ , that's our policy. Which doesn't mean that we've both avoided asking uncomfortable questions, always for the good of the other".

Max nodded his head.

"I've never doubted you Maxaroni, but I've always had a doubt. I know what your priorities are and it would be very disrespectful from me not to take into account that I am your top priority light years away from any other, at least until we had Clara and William who went straight to my same level or slightly above".

"I couldn't choose, the three of you are the most important things in my life".

Chloe smiled thoughtfully

"So... I'm pretty sure that under no circumstances you would ever sacrificed me, either for Arcadia Bay or for any other city. It took me a long time to accept it but living with you has been a constant reminder of it".

Max nodded again.

"Something simply doesn't add up. You are like the most unselfish person I know. I understand that you would do anything for me and when I say anything I say it in a sense that only you and I can understand but getting to the point of sacrificing an entire city is a very hard choice... especially when there is an easy and much less painful option, at least from the greater good point of view".

Max blushed immediately and looked away from her wife.

"So I'm not going to ask you because I already know the answer, just tell me why it didn't work".

"Chloe please".

"It's important".

"The bullet... the bullet refused to enter my body. As soon as it touched my skin time stopped and when it resumed the bullet just fell. Again and again. I don't know if it was unconscious or... whatever but as much as I tried it always ended that way".

"Okay," Chloe kept staring at her wife "so we have this shy eighteen year old girl, after five years without seeing me and not even knowing if I wanted to be your friend again, the first thing you do is take a bullet for me".

"You are wrong. Think about it. The first time I saw you I didn't know it was you, I lived the first full week before I came back knowing it was you in the bathroom... At that point knowing what I knew about us... it was an easy choice... I mean there was no other choice. I had to save you".

"True, obvious plot hole in my reasoning, yet you knew that if you sacrificed yourself I'd never know why you did it? you were willing to die without me knowing what I meant to you?".

"I had technology".

"sorry?".

"When I came back to the bathroom I knew what was going to happen. Every time I quickly sent a message to my parents. I told them that I was having a bad day, that I loved them very much and that I was grateful for everything they had done for me. I made sure to include a mention about how I had not seen you yet but I was planning on doing it that same day and I made sure to add a line about how I came back to Arcadia Bay because I never stopped thinking about you. It was a strange message, but I thought you would recognize me and either you would check my cell phone or police would do it, you would know about it and/or my parents would tell you about it…. So I wouldn't..." Max's voice snapped when she remembered that moment that never happened "I wouldn't be with you but at least you would know that your best friend never stopped loving you... I hoped that it would help you move on with your life".

"Little Max thought of everything" Chloe tried to sound proud but her voice was cracking under the emotion "as I've already told you never sell yourself short. I can never be thankful enough to whoever gave you that power that it came with some sort of failsafe... anyway... my point is still the same. The end of the week, when we finally knew you had made it".

"We had made it" corrected Max immediately.

"I seem to recall that my only contribution was trying not to kill myself in the most absurd ways possible".

"That's not true. You did a lot more, you saved Kate and she became your best friend, you told David what was going on in the dark room and... many more things all that while you were trying to get over Rachel's death. You have to believe me, the amount of attention and focus I needed to get everything right... without you it wouldn't have been possible, with you I am much more than myself".

"You see it that way, all I remember is how you did the most amazing stuff I have ever witnessed in my life...anyway" Chloe made a dismissive hand gesture indicating that her contribution wasn't as important as Max said "After everything that happened that week, do you remember what we did that Friday?" .

"yes, of course."

"Hippie, I would have gone to the lighthouse to rejoice on my doing, I would have yell at the universe to fuck off because I was stronger and had saved everybody... because I was confronted with the hardest choice in history and I managed to twist the very same fabric of time and reality to avoid making that choice...because I won. I would have thrown the wildest party ever and would have had asked for a golden statue of myself in front of the Two Whales. You had just manipulated time in an incredible and amazing way, saving the most important person of your life" Chloe pointed her two index fingers at herself "c' est moi... and a whole city. What you had achieved was absolutely unimaginable... and what you chose to do when it was all over?".

"you know that".

"Please, I want to hear it from your mouth".

"OK, we went to the movies".

"There it is" Chloe shouted "you asked me to go to the movies, and then a hamburger and milkshakes. Instead of doing something epic you chose to spend a quiet afternoon with me as if nothing had happened".

"Chloe... I had been waiting for that date my whole life... nothing could have topped that date".

"Of course it was important for me too but that is what I'm trying to say. Of all the plans you could choose or all the people you could be with, once again you chose me".

"Always... everything else just doesn't matter."

Chloe cleared her throat. "That night, right at twelve o' clock, we were sure there would be no storm and the week was over, you remember what you told me?".

"Um...yes...I told you I had had a wonderful night, the best night I could have hoped for.. that I felt I no longer had my powers and that's what I wanted for both of us, a normal life".

"that's not exactly what you said".

"pretty much... I don't remember word by word but I think it's pretty accurate".

"I remember it perfectly, I have those words engraved in my memory. After saying that you felt you had lost your powers, you said how happy you were about it and that that's what you wanted for both of us, to live a normal life _together"_.

"Yes, well, yes. A lot had happened between us but for you it had only been a week, you didn't have the memories of all my rewinds and many of the things we did. We hadn't been able to talk too much about ourselves, but I... I always knew what I wanted".

"Together".

Max nodded with a half smile. Chloe was more than accustomed to her wife's non-verbal communication and she was able to perfectly interpret each of her gestures.

"Max, you're so absolutely amazing without even trying".

"Wowsers, thank you."

"You know... since I started to be interested in writing, I've often thought about how to translate into words exactly what you have meant to me, and I've never found a way, nothing was... precise enough. Today you were able to find the right words as if it was the easiest thing".

"We've talked a lot today." Max frowned, trying to remember what she meant.

"not enough time, that's it. I feel like the time I have left with you is not enough, there's no better and simpler way to describe it".

"Chloe, that is …".

"That would be my only wish, more time with you. Anything I could tell you would not reflect the simple truth of what you mean to me. Right here, right now I would sign for a hundred more lives with you without hesitating for a second. I don't care how or where as long as we are together, I would never have enough of you".

"a hundred lives with me..." muttered Max.

"And it wouldn't be enough, a hundred, a thousand... I don't know, I just feel like no amount of time is enough no matter how much I think about it... we're not young anymore, we've already spent more than half of our lives... fuck it...it's not enough. There was this time when we had our whole future ahead of us, all choices to be made... now we have already done it and it has been amazing and... much more than I had ever dreamed of.. and most importantly, we've done it together.. I know I can't complain but" Chloe closed her fists "today you said maybe our relationship would have been different in other circumstances…Jefferson and stuff… and I know I owe you an explanation, I have been avoiding a question for so long".

Max narrowed her eyes to Chloe "you mean the question you always dodge?".

"Yep, my first Oscar".

"This is going to be interesting".

"Interesting? I guess so... but that was not the reason I never answered… you'll see. When they offered me the role my first thought was how I could play a single mother if I had no idea of children and so I said at the first meeting with the producer and the director. What they told me was that they liked my appearance and spontaneity, they encouraged me to try to understand the motives of the protagonist and work from there. And that's what I did, try to understand the motives. The apartment where we lived when I shot the film was in the worst area of Seattle, the only one we could afford at the time but I just had to go up or down a couple of floors to find single mothers and ask them about their experiences.

They all told me the same thing. In spite of the lack of money, their constant problems or the kind of life they had, none of them regretted having their babies. It was the only thing that was worth in their lives and in the end they all gave me the same explanation even if they expressed it in different ways.

Unconditional love.

I know it's almost a cliché and it's the first thing you can come across in the Internet but I assure you it's not the same when you hear it from people who are experiencing it firsthand. There was this girl living out of coupons, she told me she had skipped so many dinners just to buy diapers for her daughter but she didn't regret it not once. She told me how she could be a horrible mother scolding her child because life was so hard on her... and it didn't matter, her daughter loved her no matter what. This other girl, she expressed herself better, she probably was a good student but something happened in her life to finish there. She was very lucid talking and told me how easy it was to get frustrated with a 2 year old boy and how it was an absolute mistake because the mother expected an adult behavior from someone who wasn't an adult. She acknowledged it was so unfair to get frustrated with the child, but she did it and yell at the baby and she cried after that and the baby cried. But her son loved her anyway and forgave her immediately, before she could forgave herself.

I… I spoke to Joyce and told her about this kind of love, she said that's the way it was for mothers but I asked her how that reconciled with my 16-17 year old self, before you came back.. and what she said to me... it touched me very deeply. She told me that in the worst moments of our relationship she thought about the baby that I was, how I loved her above everything and that kept her going".

Max stroked Chloe's cheek without interrupting her, she knew that Chloe needed to talk.

"So I thought about it a lot, and I realized the answer was very easy. I didn't have kids, but I did have someone who cared about me that way".

"Chloe... I... don't".

"Max, you've always..., I've always felt that whatever I did, you would still love me. I could have always been myself with all my faults and flaws and I knew you would always love me anyway. Ever since we were kids I've known and when you came back it was the same, only we weren't kids anymore and our relationship meant something else".

"How… How could I not love you Chloe, you are the most amazing person I have ever met".

"That's what I mean, I don't have that memory but you told me I shot myself with a bullet that ricocheted off a bumper. There can't be a dumber way to die. You never patronized me, never got angry, all you cared about was that I was safe. In spite of my nonsense behaviour you just took me as I am, and forgave, and understood me and never tried to change me... you have simply loved me the way I am".

"I can't tell you anything else... you've always been everything I've ever wanted, the way you are".

"That's what I'm trying to tell you... that movie, I didn't played a role... I played _you_. All that love, that affection you see on the screen, I knew what it was. I had experienced it every day I spent by your side".

Max tried to talk and again Chloe interrupted her with a gesture.

"This unconditional love you gave me... I always wanted to love you back the same way but I didn't know if I ... I was afraid I never was able to reciprocate it because… how could I?...so when the time came to have children, I thought that if somehow... I didn't managed to... at least I wanted you to have that experience".

"wait" at that point Max couldn't help but interrupt her wife."You're talking about when we had Clara and William".

"Yes… I mean I wanted you to..."

"Hold on…. you've been the best mother I could imagine for our children and now you're telling me you insisted that I was the biological mother because you wanted me to... feel more loved?".

Chloe lowered her eyes embarrassed before mumbling between teeth "yes".

"oh my fucking... you gave that up for me?".

"Yes... I wanted that for you…. I know our children loves us equally but I thought that would be nice… for you...".

"I... I thought you were scared for whatever reason I thought you were afraid you wouldn't do it right or I don't know… I never understood back then".

"Scared? Max, you jumped in my truck in 2013. I haven't been afraid of anything since then".

"Chloe, you're..."

"so about that?"

"about what?"

Chloe looked at her wife with an embarrased gaze.

"Did I made you feel loved as much as you did?".

"Chloe Caulfield... there's this thing when I'm around you... not specifically around you because you've been away filming movies or doing promotion and still, more like since we've been together... you've made me feel like I was the center of the universe, like I'm invincible and I can do anything I propose myself. So I would say yes, you have made me feel loved and cared ... and you are right the time we have left it's not enough but let's make the best we can out of it.. together".

"sounds perfect to me".

"so what do you say,? shall we start with taking over New York pirate style?"

"aye aye".

The two women walked the rest of the way in silence, holding hands and practically glued together until they reached the car and jumped in it.

Before Chloe started the car Max noticed something in her expression.

"Any weird thoughts in that head or yours?".

"It's just...it´s been a strange day, certainly quite different than I had originally planned but in a good sense".

"There's something else. There is something on your mind and you are trying to keep me from finding out and, I'm sorry, but you never get away with that".

"It's just that... today we start a new chapter on our lives, the kids left home and it's just the two of us again... I can't help thinking that like I've given you everything now I feel... empty... I don't know, it's stupid, but before today I always felt like I had an ace in my sleeve, I could always choose the time to share with you the things I kept for myself...and now it's like you know everything and I might not be so interesting to you".

"What are you talking about? Not so interesting? Are you nuts? Being with you it's all I ever wanted you are so..."

"It's not exactly that, but I'm afraid that…".

Max gave Chloe a long kiss.

"Shut up and drive".

* * *

**Edit**

**I'm adding this long after the chapter was published. An epilogue to this story is written. I strongly encourage you to read it as it's a fundamental part of the story.**

* * *

**Notes for the last chapter**

This chapter has been growing and growing to be the longest chapter in the story and funny enough that was the only chapter that was not originally planned.

At last Max and Chloe are together in this fic and I thought about giving them a moment to talk about how their lives had been all those years and how they feel about each other.

There were two things I wanted to avoid originally.

First one was the events of the game. There are literally thousands of fics covering that and I wasn't going to add anything new or better than it´s been already written. But then I thought people would feel a bit disappointed if I just skip it giving no explanation. At the end I knew I have to explain my take. I tried to make a side approach to it, mentioning it and explaining what happened in this story but as means to Chloe explaining Max how she felt about her.

Second one and more difficult was Rachel Amber. Original idea was not mentioning her but BFS episode 3 was out while I wrote this chapter and it was such a derailment it somehow become impossible to ignore.

I could write about the many things I don't like in BTS but I feel bad about it. At the end of the day I'm just a guy who wrote a fanfic and behind BTS there is the hard work of many professionals doing his best. In one way I felt more entitled to criticize when I was just a customer who bought the product whereas now I have experienced first had how difficult it is to produce an story and characters that work.

I would just say a few things.

I find the whole Max texts in episode 1 was horrible. No place in LIS is mentioned that Chloe texted Max and she ignored her, the opposite is said many times. I'm pretty sure when the bonus episode is out it's gonna be a full payback for all Max hate. But it's a cheap trick. Biasing your audience putting one of your characters in a highly negative frame has to the one of the oldest tricks, still a cheap one.

And there's also this thing about when BTS finished my first feeling was " was it necessary ?". I mean after playing BTS what do we know that we didn't knew before? just small details. And that's not a big deal except I was of the strong belief that a season 2 (and final) with Max and Chloe could have been done. Now I'm not so sure, 3 games with Chloe it's maybe too much.

When a game has production costs so high you have to make every shot count and I felt BTS was a missed shot. Maybe LIS season 2 was never intended to have Max and Chloe in it, but I do believe there's a story there and not one starting with save Bae and see how they cope with the aftermath. Myself, I have plotted an story that I think would be interesting and a nice ending for our favorite characters story. I know I'll never actually write it

Anyway BTS had gain positive reviews in the media and from the business development point of view Max text's were a big idea. Suddenly there was this wave of Amberprice and hate for Max which meant internet discussions, clicks, forum posts and at the end, free publicity for the game.

So maybe it was not for me to like but many people like it. I guess not everybody can be pleased but fans can't do much except post on the Internet...or maybe squeeze the knuckles and sit down to write the story we would have liked to be told.

So here I am.

And that's my story.

The prompts:

A random place like Baltimore: I had this friend from the US that took a semester abroad and came to study to my country and my town, I met her and we became friends. One day she was telling me and some other friends about a trip she made to India and how there was this big problem with connections and they had her flying all over the US to random places like Baltimore. The way she told that story it was just so funny which made me think about how difficult it is to make people laugh vs make people cry. A good joke depends on so many variables whilst a sad or emotional story it's a sad or emotional story. It's more of a private joke about the difficult to write funny stuff. So no offense to Baltimore either from me or my friend.

You had me at Chloe and Shut up and drive: This one is complicated to explain. Cameron Crowe's favorite director was Billy Wilder (one of my favorites too) he made that last line in The Apartment which is what Shirley Maclaine says to Jack Lemmon "shut up and deal". Cameron Crowe said that was his family's favorite closing line so when he made Jerry Macguire he made a tribute to that including the line "shut up, you had me at hello" which is what Renne Zellweger tells Tom Cruise. The story gets weirder because the famous quote from Jerry Macguire is "you had me at hello" and everybody omits the "shut up" part which was the original tribute to Billy Wilder. I wanted to include those two quotes.

I love cinema, I think that much is clear, I wanted to include something in this story about cinema. I haven't seen many fics in which Chlole becomes an actress and that was my original idea before ep. 2 of BTS was released. When I first played LIS I always thought Chloe was a very expressive character from the beginning (that part with the gun imitating James Bond) and I always envisioned her as an actress so I was quite disappointed with the tempest scene (not with the actual scene the lighting and the camera placement was amazing) but with portraying Chloe as shy on stage.

* * *

**Notes for the whole story.**

Before I start I let you know I don't want to extend myself too much.

I'm open to answer comments, reviews or PM, those who have written me, both in public or private know about it. If there's something you want me to clarify or discuss or whatever just write and I'll answer I feel that would be more interesting than adding long notes.

But at least I am saying this.

Finally.

I thought this day would never come, more than six months to finish this story putting almost all my free time on it. I feel sad that I have to let it go but at the same time liberated... it's difficult to explain.

When this story started I listed it as 4 chapters long and all scenes were already planned. Honestly I don´t know what I was thinking. I realized soon enough that the 4 original planned chapters had to be 20k words each to fit all the story so after chapter 2 I changed to the 2/? Format.

Speaking of chapter 2, that was the most difficult one to write, the only one I had not totally planned beforehand. I had second thoughts about this story when I was writing it, but I wanted so bad the write the 3rd chapter the one in which Ryan and Max speak that it helped me going through.

I read about how other people write and I know I would never be able to write anything this long again by myself. I didn't just sit and write I had to find the opening to write and maybe that opening came one day I was exhausted or no words came to my mind or whatever. I'm not going to lie, writing this story has been as equally enjoying as burdensome.

All in all I'm happy I did it.

I had many doubts before starting to write. I do speak and write in English almost everyday at job but its legal stuff, not much space to character development in there.

I knew my story was going to be worse written because how can I compete with native English speakers?. I know it so only way I could force myself to sit down and write is telling the story I really believed in, the story that came to my mind after the first time I played the game.

Because I know I might write but I'm not a writer and I´m not talking about language barriers. Narration is so much better in my head than what I actually write and that's the magic about writing, making every story better than it is. Not my case, I try my best but I feel sorry I can't translate the story in my head to words that make justice to it.

I'm almost ending with the thank you parts.

First to everybody who comment, send kudos, followed, liked etc. That means a lot specially when you are so unsure about your writing skills in a foreign language. A few comments by the time Chapter 2 was out were really helpful.

There were a few people who followed this story from the beginning. You know who you are. Thank you.

Also thank you to people sending PMs who nobody would know about except me. Thank you too.

And finally a big thank you to the amazing people writing amazing stories in this fandom, I am more a reader than a writer and I must say there's some really talented people around here.

And lastly...what now?

Some time off writing for me, surely not off reading, there are still many stories to be read.

I have 3 full stories ready to be written but I don´t know.

First one was a conversation between Rachel and Chloe in an slightly AU (just a minor change) and it was supposed to be my impressions on Amberprice vs Pricefield...but I included some of it in this last chapter and I sort of sabotaged my own future story. I might focus in the impressions of a younger inmature Chloe but if I see I can´t add nothing else to what I have already written about it I will discard it.

The second one I'm probably not going to write because it's a minor thing.

And the third one I'm surely going to write, you'll have to wait to see why in case you are interested, not trying to be mean but I am an slow writer.

That's all.

Hope you have all enjoyed the ride as much as I did.


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